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Getting Caught Short 19:17 - Mar 3 with 2692 viewspaulparker

Has anyone ever been caught short at Football or Public Event etc
Me & Mrs Parkers 5 year anniversary a couple of years back ended in disaster
had booked tickets to see her favourite group at the 02, the pet shop boys (I know, I know) and a lunch at the Malmaison
all was going well had a couple of ales in a pub off smith street then on for salmon in hollandaise sauce, a couple more ales then on to the tube
just as we pull in to the 02 the worst feeling to ever it a mans stomach did and I had that panic that only hits you when you know what's going to happen but cant stop it
my arse emptied like you would do when clearing an old radiator
there I was on the platform having to be helped up the stairs by one of London undergrounds finest, I then get to the top and fill my pants and jeans again before being taken into the staff toilets where I left my sh*t filled pants and belt
Mrs P is doing her nut as she is about to miss her concert, so after a quick clear up I take my soiled self into the concert hall where I have to stand there for 3 hours developing nappy rash, the funny thing is about 2o people came to stand where we were but soon fecked off because of the stench
I then had to do another hour on the tube with soiled jeans whilst getting more funny looks
i only bring this up as i was having a beer with an Arsenal friend of mine who was telling me about the time they went to Munich and being so cold they couldn't move out of their seats so he s*it himself just to warm his legs up
so anyone else got any caught short stories


And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles Brian Moore

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Getting Caught Short on 19:53 - Mar 3 with 2642 viewsactonman

errrr that will take some beating
Filled a coke bottle in the back of a transit on the way back from the play off final but that sounds relatively normal now
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Getting Caught Short on 19:58 - Mar 3 with 2632 viewsconnell10

Getting Caught Short on 19:53 - Mar 3 by actonman

errrr that will take some beating
Filled a coke bottle in the back of a transit on the way back from the play off final but that sounds relatively normal now


what you filled a coke bottle with shite??? that must have been a very wide necked coke bottle or you were shitting water mate!

AND WHEN I DREAM , I DREAM ABOUT YOU AND WHEN I SCREAM I SCREAM ABOUT YOU!!!!!
Poll: best number 10 ever?

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Getting Caught Short on 19:59 - Mar 3 with 2622 viewsgordanoR

I sh1t myself in my car when my mrs was shopping once. Had to drive home, get showered, changed & back. She had actually finished shopping by the time i got back so I had to explain myself.

the unfortunate event is now used to explain to my 4 year old that "everyone has accidents, even Daddy"
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Getting Caught Short on 20:29 - Mar 3 with 2590 viewsMatch82

There was a product recently where tons of the product reviews were of this nature.
Type "Haribo Gummy Bears" into google. Don't worry, it's just the low sugar ones...

Some truly horrific stories on there - who knows how true they are of course.
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Getting Caught Short on 22:58 - Mar 3 with 2486 viewsactonman

Getting Caught Short on 19:58 - Mar 3 by connell10

what you filled a coke bottle with shite??? that must have been a very wide necked coke bottle or you were shitting water mate!


Easy, just used a straw !

Only joking , filled with regular urine , never spilled a drop though
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Getting Caught Short on 23:25 - Mar 3 with 2451 viewsHollowayRanger

playing hide and seek as a kid i did a crap in someones garden as i didnt want to run home and be caught

think i only had one tissue so had to do the sas trick wipe and fold wipe and fold lucky it was a solid poo and not a gooey one

pooed myself at school once and had to be led away by a teacher was only 6-7 years old

had many a iffy fart mind where its a case of have i or havent i followed though very dangerous as i always go commando

Listen to the band play!
Poll: How much will you pay for adult season ticket next season if in championship

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Getting Caught Short on 23:32 - Mar 3 with 2451 viewsBluce_Ree

I was in North London with my ex. We'd been walking around for ages and I needed a poo. It was like Mr Whippy in there, churning up. So I knew it was going to be bad.

Decided to have a pub lunch. When we got there I bolted downstairs for a cack. Not one shred of f**king toilet paper in the place. C*NT.

So I check my pockets. One hankie and one packet of Refreshers.

Had a horror cack and tried to deal with that with the hankie. It was like the f**king Exon Valdez clean up operation. I was expecting to find dead seagulls up my arse at this point.

With the hankie looking like it needed to be burned in an industrial furnace the job, quite frankly, was about 20% done.

The Refreshers packet was a bad idea and offered little to no help. I tried though. :(

I decided to gingerly walk upstairs and ask the bar staff, quite sheepishly, for a bog roll. But when I got to the bottom of the stairs I didn't have to. Giant stack of napkins! THANK YOU LORD! JAH WILL PROVIDE!

Took it ALL. Split into two piles (one for each cubicle - I'm in good karma FOREVER) and wiped my arse til it gleamed.

F*cking Refreshers, man.
[Post edited 3 Mar 2014 23:36]

Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah, his crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore.

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Getting Caught Short on 23:48 - Mar 3 with 2434 viewsloftboy

Blackpool away fa cup 1990, had a heavy night and spent the morning pre game in the amusement arcade, I must of had a dodgy pint and had already trainspotted the B+B khazi, my stomach clunked and I legged it what's seemed like miles to the public bogs, got there and you needed a 5p to open the doors, had to leg it back to the amusements for change and only just made it back, the toilets weren't fit for tramps to use, had old wooden seats but for someone normally fussy where he parks his arse I didn't have any choice, shat for England then had to make do with shiny paper. I reckon I was 5 seconds away from doing what the OP did.

favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
Poll: Are you watching the World Cup

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Getting Caught Short on 09:05 - Mar 4 with 2327 viewsKingy27

One new years eve, many years ago, I went for a piss and while doing that thought I needed to fart. I tried to push the fart out and wallah out it comes (not the fart). I had been doing a few bits n pieces as it was back in my clubbing days so maybe that's confused the issue, but lets just say I didn't see the new year in in the club!

Also while in the early stages of a new relationship I went out for a meal with my girlfriend. I had lobster, after finishing my meal and before I'd even left the restaurant I knew some thing wasn't right. By the time I got home my guts were in bits. A little accident happened and my girlfriend (now my wife) actually ended clearing up the kitchen floor. I don't need to go into too much detail, but she earned her stripes that day, bless her.
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Getting Caught Short on 09:51 - Mar 4 with 2291 viewsisawqpratwcity

A neighbour once introduced me to a work-mate, and the first thing he told me as a 'here's-an-introductory-story' was how this bloke, on an afternoon in the pub with his workmates, blew his nose but shat himself as well.

If I'd been that bloke, I'd go work somewhere else.

Poll: Deaths of Thatcher and Mandela this year: Sad or Glad?

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Getting Caught Short on 09:55 - Mar 4 with 2290 viewskingsburyR

Read it all now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont know why we bother. .... but we do!

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Getting Caught Short on 10:24 - Mar 4 with 2266 viewsQPunkR

I'm really not sure if the OP's gone up or down in my estimation now!!!!

Although I've had a few close shaves, nothing compares to some of the stories in this thread - I just pray these things never happen to me.

Shit but local

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Getting Caught Short on 11:37 - Mar 4 with 2217 viewsDiscodroid

i once pissed in seb fontaines record box at creamfields back in 97/98 ish.

unfortunately for hand bag house master seb, it was one on the long 'e' induced pisses which last 2o minutes.

improved his record collection though.

" I guess in four or five years, the new generation's music will be .. electronics, tapes. I can kind of envision .. maybe one person .. with a lot of machines, tapes, and electronics setups, singin or speaking .. and using machines " James Douglas Morrison | 1969

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Getting Caught Short on 11:42 - Mar 4 with 2213 viewsSudbury_Hill_R

A mate (not me obviously) went out with a girl once and more by luck than judgement he managed to go back to her place for a rumble on the sofa.

After a while he asked her if he could use her toilet but she said no, her parents sleep next to bathroom upstairs and she didn't want them to know she had a man in the house as he was bound to wake them up.

He said what can I do then I'm desperate? She replied, use the kitchen sink, which he did. A few minutes later he opened the lounge door and sheepishly asked her if she had any toilet paper!
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Getting Caught Short on 13:39 - Mar 4 with 2112 viewssmegma

Getting Caught Short on 11:42 - Mar 4 by Sudbury_Hill_R

A mate (not me obviously) went out with a girl once and more by luck than judgement he managed to go back to her place for a rumble on the sofa.

After a while he asked her if he could use her toilet but she said no, her parents sleep next to bathroom upstairs and she didn't want them to know she had a man in the house as he was bound to wake them up.

He said what can I do then I'm desperate? She replied, use the kitchen sink, which he did. A few minutes later he opened the lounge door and sheepishly asked her if she had any toilet paper!


Admit it, it WAS you !
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Getting Caught Short on 13:47 - Mar 4 with 2106 viewsconnell10

Ive laughed so much at this thread ive just shat myself....excuse me!

AND WHEN I DREAM , I DREAM ABOUT YOU AND WHEN I SCREAM I SCREAM ABOUT YOU!!!!!
Poll: best number 10 ever?

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Getting Caught Short on 13:55 - Mar 4 with 2096 viewsheadhoops

Ipswich away a few season back - Danny Shittu (who else) ran to the corner flag and let out a huge jam tart - I swear as he jogged away SWP dropped out of the back of his shorts.

Poll: Remy - can he play in the playoffs - who's opening post is the best?

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Getting Caught Short on 19:48 - Mar 4 with 1972 viewsbatmanhoop

a couple of weeks ago the girl in my local newsagent was telling me what a hell of a day she had. A lady came in to ask where her husband was as he'd been gone for 20 minutes. He had been paying a visit to the khazi and left it in a terrible state. She spent hours cleaning up the mess, throwing away 2 mops. She made me laugh when a customer complained she had to wait and was late for her train and where was she. ''I've been in the toilet clearing up shit'' she screamed at the startled customer
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Getting Caught Short on 09:42 - Mar 5 with 1855 viewsHantsR

Top tip: Always a good laugh to stretch clingfilm over the pan when you've got guests.

Edit: maybe best at a party at someone else's pad
[Post edited 5 Mar 2014 10:12]
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Getting Caught Short on 09:45 - Mar 5 with 1852 viewsWokingR

Out on a walk I did what is politely known as a 'fart of substance' or 'shart' elsewhere.
Ended up having to do that funny scooty thing that dogs do when they drag their @rse along the grass using only their front legs
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Getting Caught Short on 09:48 - Mar 5 with 1850 viewssimmo

Shit myself at a restaurant table in a Greek Taverna one holiday. 10 days of non stop Kleftiko took their toll and I followed through.

Not the most comfortable journey back to the villa.

ask Beavis I get nothing Butthead

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Getting Caught Short on 10:01 - Mar 5 with 1840 viewsgordanoR

Getting Caught Short on 09:42 - Mar 5 by HantsR

Top tip: Always a good laugh to stretch clingfilm over the pan when you've got guests.

Edit: maybe best at a party at someone else's pad
[Post edited 5 Mar 2014 10:12]


Surely that's going to backfire (pun intended) on you as you have clean up after your guests.
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Getting Caught Short on 10:15 - Mar 5 with 1823 viewsSudbury_Hill_R



Very funny scene.
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