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Manchester United To Sign Saints Most Experienced Player
Friday, 21st Mar 2014 08:45

David Moyes knew he inherited a side that was past his prime and needs to replace certain members of his squad, however even the most hardened United fans have been shocked by his latest move in the transfer window.

With a squad including the 40 year old Ryan Giggs most football pundits knew that David Moyes would have to make some difficult decisions and that some of these decisions would upset the fans, but there will be uproar at not only Old Trafford and the M25 corridor, but across the World as in a showdown meeting with his second longest serving squad member after Giggs, it is rumoured that the relationship between Moyes and United mascot Fred The Red has reached a new low and that it has now broken down beyond repair.

As United stumbled from one disaster to another on the pitch it had been noted that Fred no longer had the same bounce when he celebrated United's goals and the Opta stats index showed that his contribution was on the wain.

In United's glory years Fred would often cover around 8km on the touchline in his efforts to spur the team on and would be a major contributor in United's goal celebrations, but Moyes has been dismayed to see that Fred's contributions have been barely half of those under Sir Alex Ferguson last season.

A series of meetings behind closed doors became heated and Fred was suspended when in response to being called a "fat red tw*t" by the manager, he stuck his trident up the ex Everton supremo's arse causing a nasty bruise.

Although things were patched up, an uneasy truce was in place and when rumours went around suggesting Fred had been in talks with arch rivals Liverpool it all came to a head on Sunday when Fred appeared to be laughing when Luis Suarez scored.

For his part Moyes has been on several scouting missions in an attempt to sign a replacement and his hard work has lead him to focus on replacing Fred with someone a little younger, but with the experience to handle the high pressures needed to entertain the large Old Trafford crowds.

It is believed that Moyes is about to table an audacious £25 million bid for Saints longest serving squad member Super Saint.

Moyes has watched with admiration as Super Saint has cavorted around the St Mary's pitch and is especially impressed with his ability to kiss both the pitch and the club badge before leaping the advertising hoardings and point at the Kingsland Stand.

Super Saint has been a stalwart of Southampton Football Club since their Dell days and remained loyal to the club during its darkest days even going without his wages when the club was in administration, in the past its never been about money for Super Saint, one of the last of those for whom its about pulling on his home town club shirt than money his loyalty has never been in question.

However with a big transfer fee being offered and United willing to double or even triple his wages it has to be a temptation for both club and Super Saint himself, the chance to strut his stuff in the Champions League is a big draw and as Super Saint was allowed to get out of contract by the former CEO of Saints, Super Saint would be available for United's forthcoming Champions League Quarter Final tie next month.

Being a one club man "Super" has never shown any inclination to leave the club, however an incident two seasons ago when he found that his car had exceeded the 15 minute waiting limit in the club car park and not having any pockets he had no change to pay the £1 fee, although club officials asked then CEO Chairman Nicola Cortese if they could lift the barrier and let him out for free, Mr Cortese refused saying "Everyone pays at Southampton" and Super Saint humiliatingly had to borrow a quid from a passing fan to get out of the car park.

Also it is well known that he was upset that the Club did not appear to take the recent Cruft's tournament seriously and put out a reserve side meaning that a raggetty arsed Poodle won Supreme Champion.

Controversy has dogged Super Saint though, the Daily Echo published a story revealing that he had a drink problem, this was denied by the club but undercover photographers proved that he had, in that as his mouth is sewn into a fixed grin with no opening he was unable to drink a pint of lager only spill it down the front of his shirt and of course this was a problem for him.

But Moyes is desperate and was hoping to land his man/dog without alerting his rivals, Man City already have two mascots in Moonchester & Moonbeam and wont be afraid to spend big for additions to that squad and Chirpy Cockerel at White Hart Lane is currently out of favour with Tim Sherwood.

Ralph Krueger's first big task will be to prove to Saints fans that he is serious about holding on to the Club's big name stars and he is believed to have offered Super a 4 year deal, however Saints fans should not be worried, our academy has already produced Sammy Saint who although not first choice is still a regular in the first team and has shown that he has the ability to kiss the badge and put his thumbs up with a smuch consistency as his mentor.

Indeed both Super and Sammy are rumoured to be in Roy Hodgson's plans for Brazil and could be the first Father & Son ever to represent their country in a World Cup Final.

The next few days could be tense for Saints fans as the press are bound to be going big on this one and will be hounding down both Moyes and Super Saint for news, Saints fans will hope that Super Saint remains loyal and that he feels that there is unfinished business at St Mary's.

Photo: Action Images



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emigrant added 08:54 - Mar 21
I have heard that Hull are also after Sammy since they heard he had a tiger in his tail.
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SaintNick added 08:57 - Mar 21
Hull are in talks with Frosties as shirt sponsor next year hence their urgency to change the name
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ericofarabia added 09:17 - Mar 21
When I saw the headline about most experienced and caught sight of the word "Super" I assumed it was about Super Kelvin Davis.

But to be honest your version is much more believable ! !
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davepid added 09:57 - Mar 21
Erico - it could never be Kelvin. He wouldn't be able to catch the train to Manchester or ,indeed, anywhere. That's probably why we still have him.
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BoondockSaint added 12:35 - Mar 21
It's always the same with these mascots-they kiss the badge and swear they only want to play for one team, but they have big heads, and as soon as they get a sniff of Champions League, they're off!

Hodgson's always talking about bringing new faces into the England squad, but like every other England manager, he'll wind up bringing the usual Muppets to Brazil!
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ItchenNorth added 13:14 - Mar 21
Sell Sammy and his bitch. Give us a dancing Homer !
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