| NEWBORNS 19:48 - Jul 29 with 3935 views | Spaceman_P |
Hello All,
Today we're celebrating the first month birthday of my daughter.
This month has been both the slowest and fastest experience of my life, already very intense experience for me. Up and Down emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I am overjoyed with my daughter she is beautiful and a future QPR fan, even though we're based in Spain. But becoming a parent in 2024, is a very daunting experience for me.
I can't quite put it into words, both the delight and utter dread I have been feeling.
Just wondering if any of you fathers, have any good advice, any anecdotes of your own kids' births etc.
Were your wives nuts too? etc etc
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| NEWBORNS on 08:31 - Jul 30 with 1063 views | StevenageRanger |
| NEWBORNS on 23:26 - Jul 29 by dannyblue |
Congratulations!
I'll take a different angle to the others here. You asked about wives going nuts. I don't have true experience of that, but I can say....
A new baby puts an incredible strain on a relationship. You're probably having a baby together because you think each other are wonderful. You were probably the main thing in your wife's life beforehand. You're not anymore. The baby, quite rightly, is everything. That can be a bit of a shock.
You don't have tits. You didn't carry your child. You don't get physical pains in your guts when they cry, or feel crushing anxiety about their every breath. You now are demoted to the status of assistant, and as well as you may do everything, she may not like it or appreciate it. That can be hard to take, when you're doing everything you can, maybe working extra hours, going without to save cash, not socialising as much, not getting enough sleep, taking on more chores...
Sex was probably important to you both. It brought you closer. Maybe you used it to console each other, to heal arguments, as well as all the fun. Her libido may fall of a cliff. Her body has been pushed and pulled and put to the service of another for 10 months already now, and still, she's being pawed at and needed and hung off and required by the baby at all times. She might not welcome your advances. Worse, so as not to lead you on in fear you want sex, she might withdraw affection. You may get frustrated. You might struggle with what feels like rejection. That can also be hard to take.
Everything was easy before. No pressure. You didn't realise, but it was. And flaws in your relationship - especially in communication, insecurity, or managing repair signals - were easy to ignore or gloss over. They won't be any more. They'll be violently exposed.
Quite a few couples break up after the first year or two of having a child.
I say all this because forewarned is forearmed. Hopefully none of this will apply.
My advice would be to be patient. To be kind. To sleep as much as you can. To find constructive ways to reward or treat yourself. To take lots of pictures and videos. To find ways or reaffirming your love and care and trust for each other even when you're fuming and exhausted. To get babysitters or help from family or friends, and have some time to each other. Weekly date nights are wonderful if you can manage it.
And when I was looking after my newborns I found EASY made a lot of difference, helping me understand what they might need, why they were crying, and giving a little structure to the time (because it does get very dull). EASY simply means you go through a cycle of Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time (while they sleep). This might be half an hour when they're very small, or 4 hours as they get bigger.
The days are long, the years are short. It was hard, I wouldn't do those early years again. Newborns are dull. Toddlers are dull and infuriating. It's relentless.
But I found (and most of my male friends have found), that kids just get more and more fun as they get older. My kids are 7 and 9 now and it is truly a golden age. Best thing in the world, best thing I've ever done. The sense of joy I get just from their very existence is a wonder. |
Danny has pretty much summed up my views/experiecne. Mine are now 20 and 16 and those early days were relentless. The relationship dynamic totally changes. All I can say is - Enjoy it, when its tough just try and remember it will get easier. [Post edited 30 Jul 8:31]
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| NEWBORNS on 08:53 - Jul 30 with 1048 views | GaryT |
| NEWBORNS on 08:31 - Jul 30 by StevenageRanger |
Danny has pretty much summed up my views/experiecne. Mine are now 20 and 16 and those early days were relentless. The relationship dynamic totally changes. All I can say is - Enjoy it, when its tough just try and remember it will get easier. [Post edited 30 Jul 8:31]
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Yep, I thought he nailed it as well. Mine are now 22 and 19 and as you say, get past the difficult teenage years and they become actual human beings, I know, shocking.
Not much I can add with regard to dealing with the eating/pooping machines. Swinging in the baby carrier and car drives in the middle of the night helped when they were teething. You can't really do much wrong with a 1 month old, it's when the little buggers start crawling and then walking that you can't take your eyes off them. Enjoy these early months while you can because like puppies, they don't stay puppies for very long.
I predict a successful debut season in the Spaceman household. |  | | |
| NEWBORNS on 12:27 - Jul 30 with 951 views | SheffieldHoop |
| NEWBORNS on 07:24 - Jul 30 by Konk |
We were pretty relaxed about TV. Lying in bed with my son at 04:22, I would be counting down the minutes until CBeebies started and it's one of the reasons I would throw myself in front of a tank for the BBC. There's loads of stuff on there which is stimulating, educational and fun. We generally tried to watch TV with him, and talk with him about what was going on in the programmes he liked, but we have 100% also used it for bursts when we had to get stuff done without him.
We avoided commercial channels, because seeing that in action at family and friends, you get 3 mins TV before an hour of adverts and a kid with a shopping list a mile long. Watching programmes that you can both enjoy is great and I can definitely see how our son's humour and drawings have been influenced by some of his favourites. We've been really enjoying 'Teen Titans Go!' and it's lovely to sit there together laughing at the same things. We both loved "Hey Duggee' and 'Storybots'.
I think it comes down to what they're watching and whether it's absolute pap or something that will help with their development. Now our son is older, we watch quite a bit of comedy stuff like 'Would I lie to you' together; any innuendo goes over his head, and he goes to football every week, so I'm not worried about the odd swear word. We also always used to have a YouTube music video party every weekend, so that was a fair chunk of tv.
Something I found bonkers, was one of our neighbours had a 10 mins tv rule per day for their kid, which inevitably meant turning the tv off midway through a programme, every day. Daily meltdowns with a 4-5 year old until they yielded and moved to one whole tv programme per day. |
Yeah, I'm the son and grandson of Ex-BBC people. I must admit, for all my issues with BBC "Journalism", I put Ceebeebies on for mine more than anything else. I guess it's a part of my conditioning. I did recently change my Virgin deal to include the commercial kids channels but as you say, the adverts are relentless, loud and generally not conducive to the job at hand
An issue I do have with Ceebeebies is their EPG is so out of synch with what is actually on screen that I've got episodes of stuff recorded on the box that end less than halfway into the program it was meant to be recording. I dunno who I should hold accountable for this but it's very slack, something really simple completely fcked up for thousands of kids.
She was bought some Peppa Pig stuff around Christmas but we decided after a couple of episodes that it was not a good show for her. That little pig is an annoying cnt. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 13:01 - Jul 30 with 919 views | Konk |
| NEWBORNS on 12:27 - Jul 30 by SheffieldHoop |
Yeah, I'm the son and grandson of Ex-BBC people. I must admit, for all my issues with BBC "Journalism", I put Ceebeebies on for mine more than anything else. I guess it's a part of my conditioning. I did recently change my Virgin deal to include the commercial kids channels but as you say, the adverts are relentless, loud and generally not conducive to the job at hand
An issue I do have with Ceebeebies is their EPG is so out of synch with what is actually on screen that I've got episodes of stuff recorded on the box that end less than halfway into the program it was meant to be recording. I dunno who I should hold accountable for this but it's very slack, something really simple completely fcked up for thousands of kids.
She was bought some Peppa Pig stuff around Christmas but we decided after a couple of episodes that it was not a good show for her. That little pig is an annoying cnt. |
I always quite enjoyed Peppa Pig - there are a few funny characters in it, and you can't go wrong with Brian Blessed. Mr Bull digging up the road - gets quoted every time we encounter traffic/road works. Good times.
We had about 6 weeks of Paw Patrol in our house - that is a genuinely grim watch. Doesn't even look good or teach the kids any valuable lessons. No redeeming features at all. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 13:06 - Jul 30 with 900 views | PBLOCK |
Firstly Congrats mate
As a Parent the hours are lousy the pay is non existent but it is 100% the best job in the world
Lots of good advice already posted from me two things
Be kind to each other. There will be days when you are both running on empty , you’ve been at work the little un has not settled all day and the Mrs is a bit frazzled etc. Make her a cup of tea, takeover and tell her to go and have a shower have a lie down etc, don’t come in and say why isn’t the dishwasher stacked etc
That leads on to my 2nd point, if the house goes to a war zone for a few months while you find your feet, who cares? Rather than scrubbing the kitchen take that cuddle on the settee and just enjoy it those moments come and go too soon. If your friends and family have anything about them they won’t care last nights dinner hasn’t been cleared up
Honestly mate you and your Mrs know far more than you realize and I’m sure your little one will be proud to have you guys as her parents
You guys will smash it 👍 | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 13:17 - Jul 30 with 860 views | StrawberryHillR |
Congrats! Lots of good advice here, to which I'd only add, when they are very young there will be times that are very stressful, followed by times that you think you've cracked it... whatever the problem was (sleeping, eating, anything).
Pro-tip - enjoy that day/week/week and a half of glory, as something will be coming along behind it to ruin the delicate peace that you've toiled to achieve.
Once you are through the early years and you are able to sleep properly again it's all gravy. | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 14:23 - Jul 30 with 807 views | RBlock |
Loving this thread and all the fantastic advice shared, particularly as I'm currently sat in Queen Charlotte's with my partner due on Thursday. Thanks all for the collective wisdom and best of luck Spaceman! |  | | |
| NEWBORNS on 15:00 - Jul 30 with 782 views | CLAREMAN1995 |
| NEWBORNS on 14:23 - Jul 30 by RBlock |
Loving this thread and all the fantastic advice shared, particularly as I'm currently sat in Queen Charlotte's with my partner due on Thursday. Thanks all for the collective wisdom and best of luck Spaceman! |
Best of luck there its so stressful yet incredible experience hope all goes well for Mother and baby you are on your own lol.
Not sure if anybody mentioned yet but the feel of a newborns skin is like pure velvet and altough it goes away its something that has stuck with me 23 years later after my daughter was born.
Not sure its critical advice but I suggest taking a picture/portrait every 6 months up until they reach 18 its one of the truly enjoyable moments later on.
We took a yearly picture for 8 or 9 years then stopped for some unknown reason and we regret it now.
The howls of laughter each picture brings is brilliant but then the question where are the rest ruins it  .
Best of luck to all new parents its not easy in 2024 I suspect |  | | |
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| NEWBORNS on 15:04 - Jul 30 with 773 views | E17hoop |
Two things I'd suggest.
Firstly, read with them. Not to them, or at them, but with them. Get them involved in real books from as early an age you can. You will support an enquiring mind, help build cognition, and introduce them to dozens of new words daily. The difference in a child going into school from a background of being read with to those who haven't is simply incredible. It is THE single best thing you can do to support their development.
Secondly, build 1-2-3 time. Every month, book out a half day for 1, 2 and 3 time with each person. This means a half day when you do things as a group of 3. A fixed time which is schedules to be a family. It create 3 half days of 2 time. That means Mum and Dad, Mum and baby, and Dad and baby have time as a pair. This is essential to create space for bonding and respite. Baby can go to a grandparent, aunty, uncle, etc who will be over the moon to have them. Lastly, 1 time is time on your own. For baby when they're young this is limited but build the habit that people need to have solitude. This should be time for yourself, once a month. It might be QPR games, cinema, etc. Build this routine on a paper calendar, it's on display, and everyone commits to it.
Congratulations to everyone having kids here - we're waiting to become grandparents for the first time and had a scare last week so it may be sooner than we expected. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 15:28 - Jul 30 with 744 views | londonscottish |
Congrats, it's an amazing thing.
Lots of good advice on here so I won't repeat any of it.
Mine are now 17 and 19 and it's been a fantastic journey.
And now I introduce my son to people I've met on this board :-) |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 22:06 - Jul 30 with 674 views | Spaceman_P |
thanks for all your wonderful responses, a lot of really good advice here guys.
I appreciate it. | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 11:28 - Jul 31 with 587 views | Discodroids |
| NEWBORNS on 22:06 - Jul 30 by Spaceman_P |
thanks for all your wonderful responses, a lot of really good advice here guys.
I appreciate it. |
Whatever you do don't thicken up the baby formulae with marmite like my old Ma did with mine.
The mutated yeast extract obviously damaged my synapse and ganglia and i ended up with the lifetime affliction of Supporting QPR.
Also I'll show my 32 year old this thread on friday when he pops over for a drink and make him cry a bit. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 17:28 - Jul 31 with 483 views | R_from_afar |
Congratulations! Becoming a parent must be a very special thing.
I've never been lucky enough to have children but have somehow ended up with five godchildren! There is some great advice on here, but one small thing I would add is, in time, try to develop a shared interest with your child. We can end up being very different people to our parents, siblings and children/godchildren, but a shared interest can create a strong bond.
My dad was a very, very different person to me in many ways but eventually - almost too late - I realised that I needed to focus on our shared interests (football, gardening, bird watching) rather than all our many differences.
Similarly, when one of my godchildren started playing guitar, I turbo charged my own guitar playing efforts and, rather than just playing occasionally, flung myself into it and started playing more or less every day, even if it was only while I was boiling the kettle. I improved markedly, very quickly, and the two of us were soon able to play songs together and share ideas. It really brought us together. |  |
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