| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 819564 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:54 - Aug 22 with 6713 views | Sonofpugwash |
I asked my missus "What's for dinner?"
She said "Nothing".
"But we had that yesterday" I replied.
"Yes I know" she said,"I made enough for two days". |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:03 - Aug 22 with 6697 views | derbyhoop |
What were Nationwide doing when they opened their first branch? |  |
| "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the Earth all one's lifetime." (Mark Twain)
Find me on twitter @derbyhoop and now on Bluesky |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:45 - Aug 29 with 6415 views | Esox_Lucius |
Is there any truth in the rumours that Prince Albert had a Victorian semi? |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:05 - Aug 29 with 6340 views | Sonofpugwash |
Poor Uncle Frank passed away.They didn't know his blood group despite repeated requests for the information,all he could say right up to his death was the most inspirational message."Be positive". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:12 - Aug 29 with 6333 views | Lblock |
I think anyone who doesn’t use a 24 inch yard broom to clear the front of their house everyday is an idiot
I know that’s rather a sweeping statement……. |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:34 - Aug 30 with 6190 views | Lblock |
A priest, a monk and a rabbit walk into a bar
The barman says to the rabbit "what you having"
The rabbit says "No idea mate - I'm only here because of auto-correct" | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:46 - Aug 30 with 6068 views | Esox_Lucius |
I know this is a long shot, but does anyone know what a trebuchet is? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:25 - Sep 3 with 5840 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just rushed out to our local low cost supermarket but when I got there it was already shut.
I went to LIDL too late. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:00 - Sep 4 with 5730 views | qprphil |
Putin visits a clairvoyant and asks, " can you tell me if you can see whats going to happen in the near future." She says, " I can see you in a big limousine driving through a large crowd the people are happy, laughing, and jumping for joy, all have cuddles, with smiling faces .
Putin asks, " am I waving back to them?" "No," she says, " the coffin is closed." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:09 - Sep 8 with 5480 views | johann28 |
Quite a few Putin jokes doing the rounds atm unsurprisingly
So, Putin's chief advisor suggests to his glorious leader that the country should have just one time zone - '11 is simply confusing' he says, 'on a personal level, every time I phone my family it's the wrong time - I'm either getting them up too early, or it's the middle of the night or whatever - and on a political level it's even worse - I called Xi Jinping to wish him happy new year and he told me it was still the old one, which made me look like a right jerk.'
'Ah yes' says Putin, 'I do sympathise - similar thing happened to me the other day. I called Prigozhin's family to express my condolences for their loss, but the fkg plane hadn't taken off yet.' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:06 - Sep 9 with 5340 views | Boston |
Why are there so few plumbers in Ireland?
No one wants to be a bog man anymore. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:54 - Sep 9 with 5289 views | Esox_Lucius |
I went to the job centre and enquired if there were any jobs going.
I was asked if I would be interested into applying to join the local search and rescue team.
I asked why?
They told me they are always looking for people. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:55 - Sep 10 with 5145 views | Lblock |
Where do blokes with tiny penises drink?
At the bar in The Nearly Inn | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:14 - Sep 10 with 5093 views | DavieQPR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:55 - Sep 10 by Lblock |
Where do blokes with tiny penises drink?
At the bar in The Nearly Inn |
With Justin. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:13 - Sep 11 with 5020 views | Esox_Lucius |
Today, my mother showed me the ice pick that her sister used to climb Everest…I had expected to be impressed but it was a bit of an auntie climb axe. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:19 - Sep 12 with 4843 views | Boston |
How d'ya know when garlic bulbs are going to have sex?
They take their cloves off. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:41 - Sep 12 with 4768 views | Esox_Lucius |
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf, so he puts his name down at the local club. After a week
he receives a message that his application has been turned down.
So he goes down to the club to inquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are, Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts
Scot: Neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew
Scot: Aye, that I be
Secretary: So you are circumcised
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya, man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:04 - Sep 12 with 4656 views | Esox_Lucius |
Does anyone else hate it when you are singing along with a song on the radio and the artist gets the words wrong? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:35 - Sep 12 with 4628 views | Esox_Lucius |
I popped into the library today and asked the librarian if they had the books about Pavlov's Dogs and Schrödinger's cat. She replied that it rang a bell but didn't know if it was in or not. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:23 - Sep 23 with 4318 views | Lblock |
My severely obese parrot died today
Really sad news
But it’s a huge weight off my shoulders | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:20 - Sep 23 with 4230 views | Mick_S |
I went fishing today and used liquorice as bait. I caught all sorts. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:48 - Sep 23 with 4154 views | Esox_Lucius |
A man walking his dog meets a friend on his way to a pub,
His friend says "do you fancy a pint?"
He said "I can't I have my dog with me"
His friend said "tell him it's your guide dog"
The man said "he'll never believe that it’s a Jack Russell”
His friend said "well it's worth a try" so they both go in with the dog and the barman says " I'm sorry no dogs allowed"
The man says " but it's my guide dog"
The barman says "well I've never seen one of those dogs used as a guide dog"
The man says " why? what have they given me?" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:11 - Sep 28 with 3837 views | Esox_Lucius |
I am selling my genuine Sooty & Sweep puppets. I will accept the best offer as I just want them off my hands. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:50 - Sep 28 with 3802 views | Boston |
Man walks into a doctors with a carrot in one ear, a parsnip in the other and broad beans up his nose.
"Doctor, doctor, what's wrong with me"?
"You need to eat more sensibly, mate". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:53 - Sep 29 with 3664 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just got my Dalmation back from the dog groomers and I am furious; he's spotless. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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