| Clarkson Suspended 16:54 - Mar 10 with 42318 views | Esgaroth |
BBC have just announced that Jezza has been suspended after a fracas with a BBC producer.
If they cancel Top Gear they can whistle for the TV licence, its the only thing worth watching on the BBC [Post edited 10 Mar 2015 16:55]
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| Been here since 1984. Now THAT is what you call punishment |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 07:59 - Mar 13 with 2767 views | Konk |
| Clarkson Suspended on 06:38 - Mar 13 by Rs_Holy |
I dont think we supported anyone... I remember him saying, a few years back, he wanted to support a football team but wasnt sure which one... |
Lifted from another site and originally lifted from his column in the Times http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/com...cle5949802.ece
Over the years I have argued that football is a stupid game in which 22 overpaid nancy boys with idiotic hair run around a field attempting to kick an inflated sheep’s pancreas into some netting while an audience of several thousand van drivers beat one another over the head with bottles and chairs.
Nor could I understand how someone from Tooting could possibly support, say, Manchester United, a team sponsored by those hateful bastards at AIG and made up of players from Portugal, France, Holland and, in the case of Wayne Rooney, Walt Disney. Where’s the connection? What’s the point?
I have also suggested that it’s preposterous to have football stadiums in the middle of cities. Why should anyone be delayed by match traffic just so a handful of thugs can watch a Brazilian man falling over?
And as for those people who can’t cope if their team loses. Give me strength. If you get all teary-eyed just because someone from Latvia, playing in a town you’ve never been to, for an Arab you’ve never met, against some Italians you hate for no reason, has missed a penalty, how are you going to manage when you are diagnosed with cancer?
I have always hated football, but then one day, out of the blue, my son announced that he had become interested in Chelsea. This was a living nightmare. If he’d said that he’d become interested in smoking, I could have made all sorts of threats. If he’d said he’d become interested in homosexuality, we could have talked. But a football team? I had no answers. I didn’t even have any questions.
However, because he spent so much time watching football on television, I started pausing to watch. And I began to think that actually it’s a very beautiful game when it’s played properly. And that the offside rule, really, is no more complicated than the average power station. And then I started picking up bits of information from the commentators, which meant, for the first time ever, that when conversation with friends turned to football, I could join in, instead of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing sea shanties.
This meant that pretty soon people started asking if perhaps I’d like to go to a game. And that’s why last weekend I was at Stamford Bridge watching Chelsea demolish a team I used to call Manchester City. But that I now know is called Useless Money-Wasting Scum.
This was my first Premier League game and, ooh, it was good. When you’re there, rather than watching on television, you get an overall view, which means you can see how the game works. You notice that Frank Lampard is like a blackbird, always looking around to see where the hawks are. You see that Carvalho runs with his arms up, like a begging puppy, and you work out that Michael Essien always seems to be able to find a piece of the pitch that the Useless Scum either hadn’t noticed or were frightened of.
The other advantage of being there is that on television the microphones are positioned so you can’t hear the chants. I’d heard, of course, about this mass spontaneity over the years, usually when a team is playing Liverpool. “Sign on. Sign on. With a pen in your hand. Cos you’ll ne . . . ver get a job.” Or: “The wheels on your house go round and round. Round and round. Round and round.”
There are others too. Plymouth Argyll refer to any team they play as northern bastards. Then you have the Charlton fans who travelled down the M4 to Reading recently and, having failed to think of any suitable abuse, came up with: “What’s it like to live in Wales?”
The Chelsea fans topped all this last Sunday with a nonstop song, the lyrics of which were: “F*** off, Robinho. F*** off, Robinho. F*** off, Robinho.” I joined in wholeheartedly, even though I wasn’t entirely sure who Mr Robinho was and why I wanted him to eff off so much.
No matter. It was all so brilliantly working class. Or it would have been, had I not been seated in a private box just outside the no-jeans-allowed Armani Lounge, where I’d feasted on smoked salmon and quaffed bucks fizz before kickoff.
But I got a reminder of footballing’s outside-khazi and jumpers-for-goalposts roots when Chelsea scored. I turned and smiled a patronising smile at the man sitting behind me, the former Independent editor and all-round crap driver Simon Kelner. It turned out he was a big fan of the Scum and, honestly, I thought he was going to kick my head off.
I wouldn’t have blamed him. I used to be surprised that football fans fought one another. Now, though, having experienced the white heat of pride and tribalism first hand, I’m surprised they don’t any more.
After the game I was taken to the Chelsea dressing room so that I could admire all the players’ penises — many were very enormous indeed. I talked to Roman Abramovich, who was charming, and Lampard, who, having just run around for 90 minutes, still found the energy to get the entire team to sign my boy’s Chelsea shirt. I don’t do that for kids who come to the Top Gear studio and I’m supposed to be the public-school-educated toff.
So there we are, then. I am now a football fan. I know this because in one afternoon I learnt I’m not a football fan at all. I’m a fan of Chelsea. Chelsea are the only team that can play. Chelsea players have by far the most impressive reproductive organs. Stamford Bridge is my church. The men who play there are my Gods.
In short, I have a team, and that’s what’s always been missing. Because I was born in Doncaster.
Now, if you didn’t think he was a cun t before reading that… |  |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 08:25 - Mar 13 with 2743 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Clarkson Suspended on 07:59 - Mar 13 by Konk |
Lifted from another site and originally lifted from his column in the Times http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/com...cle5949802.ece
Over the years I have argued that football is a stupid game in which 22 overpaid nancy boys with idiotic hair run around a field attempting to kick an inflated sheep’s pancreas into some netting while an audience of several thousand van drivers beat one another over the head with bottles and chairs.
Nor could I understand how someone from Tooting could possibly support, say, Manchester United, a team sponsored by those hateful bastards at AIG and made up of players from Portugal, France, Holland and, in the case of Wayne Rooney, Walt Disney. Where’s the connection? What’s the point?
I have also suggested that it’s preposterous to have football stadiums in the middle of cities. Why should anyone be delayed by match traffic just so a handful of thugs can watch a Brazilian man falling over?
And as for those people who can’t cope if their team loses. Give me strength. If you get all teary-eyed just because someone from Latvia, playing in a town you’ve never been to, for an Arab you’ve never met, against some Italians you hate for no reason, has missed a penalty, how are you going to manage when you are diagnosed with cancer?
I have always hated football, but then one day, out of the blue, my son announced that he had become interested in Chelsea. This was a living nightmare. If he’d said that he’d become interested in smoking, I could have made all sorts of threats. If he’d said he’d become interested in homosexuality, we could have talked. But a football team? I had no answers. I didn’t even have any questions.
However, because he spent so much time watching football on television, I started pausing to watch. And I began to think that actually it’s a very beautiful game when it’s played properly. And that the offside rule, really, is no more complicated than the average power station. And then I started picking up bits of information from the commentators, which meant, for the first time ever, that when conversation with friends turned to football, I could join in, instead of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing sea shanties.
This meant that pretty soon people started asking if perhaps I’d like to go to a game. And that’s why last weekend I was at Stamford Bridge watching Chelsea demolish a team I used to call Manchester City. But that I now know is called Useless Money-Wasting Scum.
This was my first Premier League game and, ooh, it was good. When you’re there, rather than watching on television, you get an overall view, which means you can see how the game works. You notice that Frank Lampard is like a blackbird, always looking around to see where the hawks are. You see that Carvalho runs with his arms up, like a begging puppy, and you work out that Michael Essien always seems to be able to find a piece of the pitch that the Useless Scum either hadn’t noticed or were frightened of.
The other advantage of being there is that on television the microphones are positioned so you can’t hear the chants. I’d heard, of course, about this mass spontaneity over the years, usually when a team is playing Liverpool. “Sign on. Sign on. With a pen in your hand. Cos you’ll ne . . . ver get a job.” Or: “The wheels on your house go round and round. Round and round. Round and round.”
There are others too. Plymouth Argyll refer to any team they play as northern bastards. Then you have the Charlton fans who travelled down the M4 to Reading recently and, having failed to think of any suitable abuse, came up with: “What’s it like to live in Wales?”
The Chelsea fans topped all this last Sunday with a nonstop song, the lyrics of which were: “F*** off, Robinho. F*** off, Robinho. F*** off, Robinho.” I joined in wholeheartedly, even though I wasn’t entirely sure who Mr Robinho was and why I wanted him to eff off so much.
No matter. It was all so brilliantly working class. Or it would have been, had I not been seated in a private box just outside the no-jeans-allowed Armani Lounge, where I’d feasted on smoked salmon and quaffed bucks fizz before kickoff.
But I got a reminder of footballing’s outside-khazi and jumpers-for-goalposts roots when Chelsea scored. I turned and smiled a patronising smile at the man sitting behind me, the former Independent editor and all-round crap driver Simon Kelner. It turned out he was a big fan of the Scum and, honestly, I thought he was going to kick my head off.
I wouldn’t have blamed him. I used to be surprised that football fans fought one another. Now, though, having experienced the white heat of pride and tribalism first hand, I’m surprised they don’t any more.
After the game I was taken to the Chelsea dressing room so that I could admire all the players’ penises — many were very enormous indeed. I talked to Roman Abramovich, who was charming, and Lampard, who, having just run around for 90 minutes, still found the energy to get the entire team to sign my boy’s Chelsea shirt. I don’t do that for kids who come to the Top Gear studio and I’m supposed to be the public-school-educated toff.
So there we are, then. I am now a football fan. I know this because in one afternoon I learnt I’m not a football fan at all. I’m a fan of Chelsea. Chelsea are the only team that can play. Chelsea players have by far the most impressive reproductive organs. Stamford Bridge is my church. The men who play there are my Gods.
In short, I have a team, and that’s what’s always been missing. Because I was born in Doncaster.
Now, if you didn’t think he was a cun t before reading that… |
Cringe.
He was definately bullied and or buggered at his private school. [Post edited 13 Mar 2015 8:27]
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| Clarkson Suspended on 08:36 - Mar 13 with 2732 views | Monahoop |
Well done Konk for going to the trouble to post that.
I thought the likes of Tim Lovejoy, another of the jump camp 'new Chelsea' brigade was bad, but this buffoon really sums the likes of him and his ilk up. The typical jump on the bandwagon, glory hunting, modern day football 'supporter.' Where will you be Clarkson, or who will you follow next when it all goes horribly wrong for your 'beloved' Chelsea? And one day it will happen, mark my words! |  |
| There aint half been some clever bastards. |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 08:37 - Mar 13 with 2732 views | BasingstokeR |
Fits in at the swamp more than the Keepmoat |  | | |
| Clarkson Suspended on 08:42 - Mar 13 with 2721 views | Metallica_Hoop |
| Clarkson Suspended on 19:36 - Mar 12 by TheBlob |
I don't think Sue Perkins eats chili con carne.
Now if it was a ratatouille quiche...... |
Hey Blob remembered this and thought of ya.
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| Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 08:49 - Mar 13 with 2715 views | TheBlob |
| Clarkson Suspended on 08:42 - Mar 13 by Metallica_Hoop |
Hey Blob remembered this and thought of ya.
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AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG.....my eyes....
Thanks Met. |  |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 09:29 - Mar 13 with 2867 views | Discodroids |
hows about we replace clarkykat with Jeremey beadle,then with gods speed, we can get him locked into one of those 2-D vortexes that terrance stamp got put into at the end of Superman 2.
sorted. |  |
| The Duke Of New York. A-Number One.
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| Clarkson Suspended on 09:48 - Mar 13 with 2849 views | Rs_Holy |
| Clarkson Suspended on 08:36 - Mar 13 by Monahoop |
Well done Konk for going to the trouble to post that.
I thought the likes of Tim Lovejoy, another of the jump camp 'new Chelsea' brigade was bad, but this buffoon really sums the likes of him and his ilk up. The typical jump on the bandwagon, glory hunting, modern day football 'supporter.' Where will you be Clarkson, or who will you follow next when it all goes horribly wrong for your 'beloved' Chelsea? And one day it will happen, mark my words! |
"Timmy Lovejoy, David Baddiel, Seb Coe, Jason Cundy (stupid name), Suggs, David Mellor, Jason Marriner, Jeremy Clarkson...... JEREMY CLARKSON.... YOUR BOYS TOOK A HELL OF A BEATING!!!"
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| Clarkson Suspended on 10:07 - Mar 13 with 2813 views | easthertsr |
| Clarkson Suspended on 09:48 - Mar 13 by Rs_Holy |
"Timmy Lovejoy, David Baddiel, Seb Coe, Jason Cundy (stupid name), Suggs, David Mellor, Jason Marriner, Jeremy Clarkson...... JEREMY CLARKSON.... YOUR BOYS TOOK A HELL OF A BEATING!!!"
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Love it! But you forgot prize twunt Andy Jacobs! |  | | |
| Clarkson Suspended on 10:35 - Mar 13 with 2781 views | Jamie |
| Clarkson Suspended on 08:25 - Mar 13 by BazzaInTheLoft |
Cringe.
He was definately bullied and or buggered at his private school. [Post edited 13 Mar 2015 8:27]
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Yeah I think he may have been writing with an industrial quantity of sarcasm there. | | | |
| Clarkson Suspended on 10:36 - Mar 13 with 2781 views | hopphoops |
| Clarkson Suspended on 18:51 - Mar 12 by easthertsr |
Cameron says he is 'talented,'end of! Toss pot of the highest order, Apparently sounded off and called the producer a lazy Irish c@nt, before lamping him. Pissed on Rose, of all things, as well! How sad is that?' apparently! At least his beloved sc@m lost last night! |
Hang on, who's Rose? |  |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 10:45 - Mar 13 with 2766 views | Discodroids |
| Clarkson Suspended on 10:36 - Mar 13 by hopphoops |
Hang on, who's Rose? |
sounds like one of my subjugation sessions with mica paris. | |
| The Duke Of New York. A-Number One.
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| Clarkson Suspended on 11:01 - Mar 13 with 2760 views | hopphoops |
| Clarkson Suspended on 10:45 - Mar 13 by Discodroids |
sounds like one of my subjugation sessions with mica paris. |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 11:05 - Mar 13 with 2751 views | kensalriser |
Top work, Konk.
He could have captured the point rather more succintly by writing 'I'm a complete knobhead', however. |  |
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| Clarkson Suspended on 16:23 - Mar 13 with 2662 views | izlingtonhoop |
| Clarkson Suspended on 09:48 - Mar 13 by Rs_Holy |
"Timmy Lovejoy, David Baddiel, Seb Coe, Jason Cundy (stupid name), Suggs, David Mellor, Jason Marriner, Jeremy Clarkson...... JEREMY CLARKSON.... YOUR BOYS TOOK A HELL OF A BEATING!!!"
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Baddiel used to do a bit about "people ask me why I'm north London, Jewish and don't support Spurs. Basically I'm not a tw@t".
There's a fault in that joke somewhere... |  | | |
| Clarkson Suspended on 17:27 - Mar 13 with 2623 views | Juzzie |
I think Cara Devalavalavalinge should present it, the poor thing hardly gets any media attention after all. |  | | |
| Clarkson Suspended on 18:35 - Mar 13 with 2582 views | johncharles |
Rik Mayall would have been good.
Looking at the other candidates I don't think being dead would be that much of a disadvantage. |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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