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On every stag do, there is at least one bloke who turns out to be either really mouthy and annoying or a complete loose cannon nutcase. If it's your colleague's stag do, the loose cannon will always be your colleague's brother, if it's a mate's stag do, they will be the groom's brother-in-law. You'll be introduced to them at the airport/train station, and by lunchtime, eight different people will have said to you, "Mate, Dave's brother's a bit of a loose cannon, eh" or "Dave's brother-in-law's a bit of a kno b, isn't he". Everyone will then spend the rest of the weekend trying to avoid being sat next to them in the Argentine steakhouse or stuck in the same mini-round.
I went on a 48 Hour Harwich - Cuxhaven ferry trip for my colleague's stag do, and spent most of it trying to avoid his brother, who over the course of the trip, managed to have an actual fight with a fruit machine, offer-out 2 of the stag do, the DJ on the ferry, the bloke organising the charity raffle on the ferry after he failed to win some aftershave, a waiter in a Cuxhaven restaurant at about 09:30 in the morning, and a man who bumped into his bag at Liverpool Street as we were all saying goodbye to each other. It was like being on a really shi t cruise with the world's most volatile man. It was stressful. He spent every waking moment talking about Tony Cottee, fighting at the football or road rage fights - and this was before road rage existed as a thing. The lad who ended up sharing a cabin with him still suffers from PTSD.
On the mouthy front, my mate had his stag-do in Liverpool and his brother-in-law (who people were trying to avoid by Watford Junction) just had a talent for annoying everyone by being far too gobby with strangers and completely oblivious to the amount of people saying something to us along the lines of, "You wanna tell your mate to shut-up, lads...".
I've never been on a stag-do with a footballer, but I reckon these players would be liable to start a full-on 9am Wetherspoons brawl with a 40-strong stag-do from Newport: Billy Whitehurst, Mick Harford, Mark Dennis, Steve Williams, Nigel Pearson, Roy Keane, Graeme Souness, Duncan Ferguson, Kenny Burns, Julian Dicks, Robert Hopkins, Pat van den Hauwe, Jesper Olsen (not really).
Mouthy footballers you would spend the whole weekend apologising for after your mouthy footballer had managed to upset a rough-looking 40-strong stag-do from Mansfield: Dennis Wise, Craig Bellamy, John Arne Riise, Frank Le Beuf, John Terry, Ashley Cole, Joey Barton, Tim Sherwood, Michael Brown, Alan Brazil, Dele Alli.
Who would you add to those lists?
[Post edited 6 Jun 2020 14:47]
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 17:29 - Jun 7 with 1942 views
Also on another stag weekend we went to Stockholm, groom is an Arsenal fan so we went into Anders Limpar's bar (which was called Anders Limp-bar) Anders wasn't there which is a shame because if he had been there then this would've been a far better story!
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Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 19:18 - Jun 7 with 1872 views
Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 17:27 - Jun 7 by PeterHucker
I've actually been on a stag weekend with a footballer. Jamie Scowcroft ex Leicester / Ipswich. I don't know him and I've only met him that one time and then again at the wedding a few weeks later. But he was a nice fella with some good stories. He may be a former Premier League player but I got more than him at the tenpin bowling.
This deserves a thread of its own! I ended up on a stag do in Vegas with a Premiership international footballer. Friend of a friend. He’d flown out 25 of his mates and put them up in the sky suites of a nice hotel. They were doing $10k minimum spend every night in the clubs and pool parties during the day. Not really my scene but I’ll never forget it.
And it kicked off pretty much every night between various people in the group!
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Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 21:10 - Jun 7 with 1810 views
And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
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Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 01:05 - Jun 8 with 1743 views
Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 10:38 - Jun 7 by HamptonR
100% arsehole.
Takes about half a pint for him to become Charlie big spuds and how he hasn't had his head punched off is beyond me. I had the misfortune of being at a function a couple of years ago where there were a few premiere players, mainly Chelsea and they kept themselves to themselves, chatted to people and did selfies etc. Mr Morris, on the other hand, thought he was the star attraction and was giving it plenty until a mate of mine, who knew and knows nothing about football told him to shut the feck up, Jody big spuds, didn’t say a word.
Good mate of Lampard’s & on the coaching staff since he came bk as manager Judge a man by the company he keeps
I know almost nothing about the Premier League even though I try to catch the big games every now and then at the end of the season. But I will say this, Queens Park Rangers is just a fukking sick ass team name. Just sounds so cool.
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Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 07:01 - Jun 8 with 1709 views
Nigel Pearson is a unique case in that list of garden variety Begbies I feel, and is scarier for it. Seems pretty sensible a lot of the time until he flips.
Loved it when he accused a journo of trying to stare him out during a press conference during the insane last days of his Leicester reign.
Always thought Nigel Clough had a whiff of serial killer to him actually.
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Which footballers would you be looking to avoid on a stag-do? on 16:39 - Jun 8 with 1547 views
Neil Shipperley. There'll be that awkward guilty conversation when everyone is hoping someone else will volunteer to miss the flight home to bail him out, and no-one does.
David Speedie. No chance he'd get out of Stansted without kicking off with 14 Polish brickies in the security line.
Jamie Vardy - too much like Albert Steptoe. Never buys a round and smells peculiar.
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