QPR’s twelfth attempt to get a first home win on the board welcomes bogey side Norwich to Loftus Road - the visitors haven’t been beaten here in five.
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Norwich City make for imperfect, perfect visitors to the People’s Republic of Shepherd’s Bush this weekend. This a club, of course, that denied Queens Park Rangers what was almost certainly their one and only shot at a Football League Championship that fateful Easter day in 1976.
If your angle was the monotonous purgatory of a life since that moment, spent mostly marooned and bobbing about in the shallows of English football’s second tier, then what better opponent to face than the one you’ve played more than any other?
Norwich are QPR’s most regular foe. Despite a large sample size of 132 meetings there is barely anything separating these two clubs. QPR have won 40 meetings, there have been 39 draws, and Norwich have won 52. The team Rangers have played second most is Watford, who we faced last week. The 0-0 draw and sitter parade at Vicarage Road ticked a similarly divided record over to 51-33-35 in QPR’s favour. We play Norwich again in that awkward spot between Christmas and New Year, at 12.30 on a Sunday morning. Then we play Watford again, at 12.30 on New Year’s Day. Then the large women again. We do nothing this month other than play Norwich and Watford, having done nothing for the last 130 years other than play Norwich and fucking Watford.
The feeling some higher power actually revels in our suffering is only slightly allayed by us not drawing one of these two in the FA Cup. I thought it was absolutely nailed on. Pray for Sunderland who, through the medium of that cup draw, now have three games with Stoke in a month. I’ll be quiet, I’ll never complain again, please just not three games with Stoke in a month. Mercy.
If your angle was going to be QPR’s goalscoring prowess, then there literally isn’t another opponent to place it in starker contrast than Norwich City. This is the battle between the Championship’s top scorers (35 goals) and its lowest (15). Norwich have the division’s best shot conversion record with 15.66%, QPR the worst with 6.38%. Norwich scored ten goals in two games last week, as many as QPR have scored since August. This lot have a geezer, Borja Sainz, who has scored 16 goals by himself, which is more than our entire team put together. He has two hat tricks this season, while Rangers collectively haven’t scored more than two goals in a game yet. There is no Dana here, only Zuul.
And if your angle was going to be the ongoing, shameful, failure of this team to win even a single game, ever, on its own ground, then Norwich are again disappointingly prescient. Having gone nine without a win in W12 to begin last year, the class of 2024 have somehow surpassed that and achieved the club record. Marti Cifuentes has five draws and four losses from nine league games, no wins from 11 in all competitions. It, statistically, has never been this bad. Not even that Ray Harford team. Norwich, meanwhile, arrive unbeaten in nine meetings. QPR had three swings at a pretty limited David Wagner side last year and missed. Delia’s mustard army haven’t been beaten in five visits to this ground. The last time they lost here James Maddison was wearing yellow, Ebere Eze was pure sex in hoops, and Ian Holloway was our manager which… dates it.
The more I’ve thought about this preview, the more I’ve paced around London mulling it over in my head (welcome to life as the LFW editor), the more I’ve just retreated to pleading. I even went and sat in the back of a quiet church this week, just for some peace, and solitude, and help.
I’m curious about how the QPR supporters are reacting to what’s happening and what’s being served to them. I grew up in eras of protest. Protest against mergers, with Fulham and Wimbledon, and moves, to Milton Keynes. Protest against profitable player sales, pitch invasions while eighth in the Premier League. Frequent gatherings on South Africa Road, and literal banging down of the doors. I covered a criminal trial at Southwark Crown Court for my university dissertation where the QPR chairman had accused another shareholder and his gang of heavies of forcing him to resign at gun point. I’ve been into the division below with this club, I’ve been to Mansfield and Hartlepool, I’ve been in Loftus Road with crowds of eight or nine thousand people for a league game. And yet we’re now essentially bottom of the Championship, on club record runs of negative results at home and in general, couldn’t score at Browns, and this support base is responding by… supporting. It’s selling out, home and away. The manager has won two of his first 18 league games and people sing his name. There's general acceptance what's happening here is not his fault. Not many other support bases would react like this.
If you haven’t listened to our two-part interview with Mel Johnson, the former chief scout at QPR, then I strongly advise you spend some time there. It’s two hours, it’ll cost you a couple of quid, you can cancel straight afterwards if you’re so inclined. Mel is not a QPR fan. He’d worked at Cambridge, Huddersfield, Palace and Watford before us, he’s since gone on and recruited for the likes of Liverpool, Spurs and Newcastle since. Given a choice of games, he watches QPR. His was the first text I got after last Wednesdays' win at Cardiff – he’d sat at home watching it, making notes. QPR is under his skin. We booked a one-hour interview with him and he stayed for four. Two hours on tape, two hours not. He was moved to tears, more than once. We both were. He drove me back to the train station, in a car full of big coats – "that’s a scout’s car, Clive”.
It’s starting to be remarked upon by third parties. Henry Winter recently did a series of Tweets from a game at Loftus Road about how the crowd were engrossed, and desperate, and engaged, and hanging on every thread of a dreadful football match. As opposed to elsewhere, where you look at your phone, and post Instagram stories, and only pay passing attention to the game in front of you. I haven't known so many adults so childishly desperate for such an obviously forlorn cause to turn around since Animal Hospital was pulling 5m viewers in BBC primetime.
Among many nonsenses in this preview, you’ll learn QPR are the only side in the whole EFL yet to win on a Saturday – eight draws, five defeats. ‘Ah, yeh, we don’t really like playing Saturdays to be honest.’ Don’t you? That’s a shame, because that’s the day they play the game. What a ridiculous outfit.
Ours is a club that attracts weird, wonderful, fantastic people. It ropes them in, and they cannot escape. They sit, and they grit their teeth, and they hope. I’ve seen this support base riot for less than this, I’ve been part of those riots. And yet the worse QPR get, the more engaged the supporters are. Desperately willing improvement, even just by staring at it intently. Staring, willing, hoping. Please. Please.
My angle, in the end, is exactly that. Desperate, forlorn, pleading. I'm not too proud to beg, I'm begging right now. Can you just, this Saturday, not be so QPR? What is wrong with you? Be normal.
Often, we lead with a Simpsons gag. Bret Gunselman introducing "pivotal week eight” of the NFL season one of the show’s many underrated one liners. QPR have recovered from this position multiple times before. We write about them in History all the time: Don Howe bringing in Bobby Gould with his black book of signings and scraping a 3-2 homer against Sunderland after a ten-match losing streak; Gerry loaning in Paul Walsh and finally getting that win at Luton after starting his spell eight without a win; Gary Penrice running through on an open goal against Aston Villa; Ian Holloway twice salvaging horrendous autumns that included an FA Cup exit to a car factory…
It is what we do. Last year was exhilarating, watching this manager and this team recover from that start brought peaks and troughs of emotions and many incredible moments. The win at Leicester, the last-minute Jimmy Dunne wondergoal, the demolition of Leeds. I know that was then, but it could be again.
It was, though, round about now we got going. This time last year was the outright sexual experience of the Ben Pearson own goal. Never has a woman or chemical been able to provide such a high. Cifuentes’ team won three in a week to stay in touch. There is lingering doubt the chances created in the three games last week should have replicated that. Pass those up, as we did, and don't expect another. You don’t have ‘must win games’ in December but when you’ve won only two of your first 18, none of them at home, and you’ve now got a month of home games, including Oxford and Preston, and a trip to Bristol City where you always win... it’s time. It’s time. Piss or get off the pot.
Marti Cifuentes recognises it himself. I’ve felt a change in him, and the team, since the international break. We’ve gone from no clean sheets to four in seven. Paul Nardi is excellent. Others, like Jonathan Varane, are coming up to speed. There are positivise signs. But it’s time now. Cifuentes said: "Football is about up and downs, after this period we now need to build momentum, this is a decisive moment of the season for all of us.”
A decisive moment indeed. Just… please don’t be all QPR about it. Please.
Please.
Links >>> Free scoring Canaries – Oppo Profile >>> Boxing Day classic – History >>> Backhouse in charge – Referee >>> Mel Johnson part one – Patreon >>> Mel Johnson part two – Patreon >>> Norwich Official Website >>> The Pink ‘Un — Local Press and Forum >>> Eastern Daily Press — Local Press >>> My Football Writer - Norwich City >>> Along Come Norwich - Blog
Team News: Sam Field’s late booking at Watford last Saturday means he sits this one suspended. That will almost certainly see a recall from the start for Jonathan Varane who impressed as a sub at Vicarage Road but is himself only one card away from a match ban – the amnesty for five yellows is after this weekend. The central midfield could do with the return of Jack Colback to compensate for this, out with a knee injury since Sheff Wed in September but back in training for the last fortnight. Jake Clarke-Salter and Michy Frey, who scored his first QPR goal in this fixture last season, are still a week away. Ilias Chair should be back by the end of this week. Karamoko Dembele is a long term absentee. Casey Shann, tipped on the socials as a potential first team option in the Championship at the increasingly problematic left back spot, has gone out on to… Bedford Town. Is that Warbs Warburton’s face I see flashing before me? No disrespect meant to Bedford Town at all, far from it.
Norwich have Marcelino Nunez back from a hamstring injury which means manager Johannes Hoff Thorup has to make three go into two in midfield where Emiliano Marcondes and Anis Ben Slimane have been performing well.
Elsewhere: The Championship starts tonight with Burnley Nil’s attempt to drill a goalless draw out of free-scoring Middlesbrough.
The programme tomorrow has already been disrupted by the anticipated high winds and driving rain, with Plymouth and Cardiff taking the early decision not to try and force through their home games with Oxford and Watford. It means that having moved above Portsmouth (at home to Bristol City tomorrow) courtesy of their two postponements, QPR can now potentially move up two more places with a victory thanks to abandonments elsewhere. Who says climate change is a bad thing?
Hull, the other team in the bottom three, are in action at home to Blackburn. The Tigers are set to rescue manager Ruben Selles from the ongoing purgatory of trying to keep Reading’s heads above water while the owner deliberately tries to drown his own club. Luton, in 18th and with stories swirling about a very QPR-like dressing roomn split between those brought in on Premier League money and those who got them to the Premier League in the first place, host Swanselona.
The clutch of early gamers on Saturday involve two of the top four, with Red Bull Leeds at home to Derby and Sunderland hosting Stoke. League leaders Sheffield Red Stripe go last with an away trip to West Brom – manager Carlos Corberan now being heavily linked with bitter rivals Wolves, which I’m sure would go down well with the locals.
Ex Chelsea and West Ham man Frank Lampard can be sure of a warm reception from the Marxist hunters for his first game as Coventry manager, away at Millwall.
The north-off between Sheff Wed and Preston Knob End is the only one we haven’t worked into chat so far.
Referee: A long journey down from Carlisle for Anthony Backhouse, who has ascended to the Championship list late in his career and refereed us previously at Sheff Utd in August where he sent off Jack Colback for double dissent. Details.
QPR: Marti Cifuentes’ side have, once again, steadied the ship with a three-match unbeaten run. Remarkably, after two wins in 18 league games, the R’s are two points better off than this point last year. The five-point week which lifted the R’s off the bottom of the table was very welcome, and the 2-0 victory at Cardiff ended the EFL’s longest winless run of 12 league games and 13 in all comps. Even very slightly better finishing would have made it three wins from three last week, with QPR much the better side in both the Stoke and Watford matches and, arguably, the worst performance of the week producing the only victory. Zan Celar’s late strike of the post means this team has now hit the woodwork nine times this season, the most in the Championship. Rangers have now failed to score in four of the last seven games, and Watford was a veritable sitter parade, but the defence has tightened considerably. Two clean sheets in a row leading into this, Rangers haven’t kept three in consecutive games since this time last year. The excellent Paul Nardi has secured shut-outs in four of the last seven matches, after waiting 14 QPR games for his first.
The challenge now is to build on that. When a tough set of games against Burnley, Sunderland and Coventry yielded three draws to lift spirits, Rangers then lost the next two, conceding six goals, including the dire home performance against Middlesbrough. They cannot afford for that to happen again with two of the teams immediately above Rangers in the league – Oxford and Preston – due in Shepherd’s Bush over the next couple of weeks. Now has to be the time to improve the club record run of home games without a win to start the season – five draws and four losses from nine league games, no wins from 11 in all competitions. QPR have won eight of their last 52 games at Loftus Road, 13 of their last 59 to the start of the 22/23 season, and 15 out of 67 going back to January 2022. Only QPR and Morecambe remain in the EFL without a home league win. No team in the division has conceded more than Rangers’ 16 at home.
QPR have played Norwich more than any other side – 131 meetings for 40 QPR wins, 39 draws and 52 Norwich successes. This game finished 2-2 last year as Rangers led, trailed, then fought back – Michy Frey scoring his first for the club. It was one of three swings QPR had at Norwich in league and cup without victory. Norwich are unbeaten in nine matches against us now, going back across the last four seasons. That meeting in February was the only time in those nine games Rangers have scored more than once. The last time QPR tasted victory was a thumping 4-1 in 2017/18 under Ian Holloway when Ebere Eze scored and ran riot against a Daniel Farke side containing James Maddison. Norwich are unbeaten in five visits to Loftus Road.
Norwich: This is the battle between the Championship’s top scorers Norwich (35 goals) and its lowest QPR (15). Norwich have the division’s best shot conversion record with 15.66%, QPR the worst with 6.38%. Borja Sainz is the Championship’s top scorer with 15 goals (16 in all comps in 20 appearances) – as many as QPR have managed collectively. Sainz has already scored two hat tricks this year, away at Derby and at home to Plymouth, while QPR are yet to score more than two goals in a game and have only managed to get to two at Sheff Utd, Luton and Cardiff away. Norwich have already put six through Plymouth, four through Luton, Hull, Watford and Stevenage and three through Derby and Boro – though, if you are looking for some hope to cling to, all but one of those games were at Carrow Road (we’re there later this month of course, but we’ll worry about that when we get to it).
All these goals have only translated into ninth in the fledgling Championship table for new manager Johannes Hoff Thorup. Naturally that means as well as scoring a lot of goals, Norwich are leaking them at quite a rate. Easily the worst defence in the top half of the table, and you have to look as low as Oxford in 18th for a team that has conceded as many as their 27 goals. Hull and QPR, both in the bottom three, have conceded one fewer than the Canaries with 26 each.
All of this adds up to exactly the results record you’d expect – 7-7-6 overall, 6-7-5 in the league. They come into this game unbeaten in three, and knocked in ten goals in their last two home games wiping out Luton 4-2 and Plymouth 6-1 – as many goals as QPR have scored in 15 games. Immediately prior to that, though, it had been seven without a victory including defeats at Cardiff and Sheff Wed where QPR have taken four points this season. The Canaries’ away record is relatively poor – 2-3-4 is one point fewer than Rangers have managed with 2-4-3. They’re winless in five away matches.
Prediction: Just four games to go before we hand out Prediction League prizes from The Art of Football - sample the merch from our sponsor’s newly extended QPR collection here - for leading the league at Christmas. We currently have a threeway tie at the top between Nushnool, QPRHibs and NoelMC. Last year’s joint winners WestonsuperR and SimplyNico say...
Nico’s Prediction: "We are now three games on the spin without losing, which has put us back in contention with the teams above the relegation zone – quite a turnaround from a couple of weeks ago. That said, we are still without a regular goal scorer (two well taken goals in one game does not show that Celar is up to the Championship), and we have horrendous weather and Norwich, who are scoring goals for fun, coming to West London, together with our midfield being without Sam Field. I do not see this ending well.”
Weston’s Call "The best performance of the season so far at Watford finally brings some hope that the season can began to turn. It won’t be easy against a decent Norwich side but I’d hope for at least a draw, maybe even that elusive first home win. Celar has looked a different player since getting off the mark so I fancy him to bag his first at Loftus Road.”
Nico’s Prediction: QPR 0-2 Norwich. No scorer.
WestonSuperR’s Prediction: QPR 1-1 Norwich. Scorer – Zan Celar
LFW’s Prediction: QPR 1-2 Norwich. Scorer – Jimmy Dunne
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