Trips to Southampton have been pretty fruitful for QPR in recent years, and memories of Ray Jones and Les Ferdinand heroics abound. One particular incident always comes up in conversations about this fixture though…
Premier League >>> Saturday March 2, 2013 >>> Kick Off 3pm >>> St Mary's, Southampton
Every club has its 'I was there when…' moments and for most they revolve around incredible goals and league titles. Slowly these moments grow in local folklore until many thousands of people lay claim to being present at the time. In an excellent appearance on this week's Open All R's Podcast, former R's star Gareth Ainsworth says so many people still stop him in the street to talk about seeing his two incredible goals at Rushden and Diamonds that they can't possibly all have been where they say they were that day. The attendance for the FA Cup game with Barnsley where Trevor Sinclair scored his bicycle kick, and the travelling support at Leeds for the Roy Wegerle dribble and finish, have also swollen somewhat over the years.
But for QPR these moments are few and far between. Conversations about them in the pubs of Shepherds Bush soon take an alternative twist and it's never long before somebody asks whether or not you were there the day the 25 stone man was attacked by the deckchair at Hartlepool.
Those who were will need no reminding, those who weren't have no doubt heard the story before, but for those who fall into neither camp this was the absolute pinnacle of modern day half time entertainment played out in front of a disbelieving Victoria Park crowd during QPR's promotion season of 2003/04. Sadly it was agonisingly short of an age where everybody present would have been preserving the evidence for future generations on their mobile phones.
The premise of the exercise was simple: a competitor would be selected from the crowd to dribble a football from the centre spot to the edge of the penalty area, dodging two deckchairs as he went, before taking a shot against the home side's notorious mascot Hang'us the Monkey in goal. This was essentially a test of speed and shooting accuracy, with the whole thing being done against the clock for a grand prize. The deckchairs were, essentially, immaterial to the whole exercise – there simply to lengthen the distance of the run and add a few seconds to the time. The task appeared menial in truth, and few were paying attention to the whole thing at first.
Things started to take a turn for the amazing when the man in the monkey suit went into the crowd and selected the fattest bloke in the town of Hartlepool to take part. Weighing the best part of 25 stone and clearly the worse for drink, our hero needed help to cart himself over the advertising hoardings before waddling out to the centre spot and commencing his run at the goal.
Fat people like excuses for being fat – glandular issues and what not – but essentially people get fat by eating too much and doing too little. Our Hartlepool fan was very fat indeed; he'd eaten far too much and done far too little and he wasn't about to start a new life of hard work at this point. He cut the first deck chair too fine, trying to leave himself as little distance to cover as possible, and actually got the ball stuck in the wooden spokes. A struggle ensued as he tried to correct the situation and eventually, after a couple of wild jabs at the ball, it spurted out at quite a pace and travelled ten yards or so down the centre of the field before promptly jamming in the mechanism of the second chair.
Well, now everybody was interested – watching in wondered awe at the spectacle unfolding before us. This time he took a run – or a lumber – at the problem and upon arrival at the chair swung out a gargantuan leg presumably intending to boot the ball clean out at the first time of asking but actually creating a situation where the canvas of the chair became entangled with his shin. The chair snapped shut on him like a bear trap and then, after he'd subsequently fallen flat on his face in the mud, swung up behind him before crashing down on his back. The roar was deafening, probably not matched at a Hartlepool match by any goal or achievement since.
And once that particular incident is recalled and the tears are wiped away it's rarely more than five more seconds before somebody brings up a sunny day at The Dell in 1995 when a typically amateur piece of goalkeeping from Tony Roberts condemned the R's to a 2-1 defeat despite a fine equaliser from Les Ferdinand looking like it might be the catalyst for another away win on the south coast. But even the football aficionados remember that game for reasons other than what happened on the pitch.
The Dell had its away section in an old two tiered stand down the side. One end of the wooden structure was given to QPR fans and if you were in the upper tier then you were essentially hanging out over the corner flag and looking down into the small new single tiered stand behind the goal to your right. On this particular day somebody in the away end spotted a gentleman who, while not quite at a Hartlepool deck chair victim level of morbid obesity, certainly wasn't doing too badly on the nutrition side of things. And so the usual jesting began with the QPR fans asking "fat boy" what the score was and other such japes. This happens all the time – a man turning up to a Rangers game at Luton in the executive box nearest the away end with a pony tail and a pink jumper springs immediately to mind – but two things made this one unique. Firstly, the Southampton fan objected vehemently to the attention and started offering individual members of the travelling faithful a trip outside for what former Leyton Orient boss John Sitton may call "a proper sort out." And secondly, it turned out that the similarly large girl in the ridiculously short PE skirt sitting next to him was his other half.
Pretty soon nobody in the side stand was watching the football anymore. The angrier the Southampton fan got, the more the QPR fans sang at him. "You're fat and your bird's a slag," rang out and sent him into a towering rage with arms flailing and demands for the entire travelling support to be ejected from the ground. It was difficult to see how the situation could get any worse/better until the woman he was with decided the best course of action would be to stand up, turn around, bend over, lift up her skirt and show the tormenters her arse.
I was ten at the time. I told the story again that week at school for show and tell. My teacher, and my mother as it turns out, felt it was inappropriate. What a time to be alive.
Southampton has been full of good memories for QPR fans in recent times. Starting with a 4-1 win on New Year's Eve in 1988 (remembered in our history column this week) the R's have been on a remarkable run for an away team of just two defeats in eight trips to this part of the world. The year before the skid marked fat bird incident Les Ferdinand had strode onto a short Ken Monkou back pass and fired home a winner, and the year before that Andy Sinton and Justin Channing had arrowed in fine goals in a 2-1 win. Since the Saints moved to their new home they've never beaten QPR on their own patch – the late Ray Jones robbing Kelvin Davis of the ball by the corner flag and sliding in a goal from an impossible angle as John Gregory turned things around in 2006/07 was a wonderful moment, and a season later Luigi De Canio's free-flowing side made the most of Patrick Agyemang's once-in-a-career run of form to secure a 3-2 success.
It's just one of those places Rangers seem to enjoy visiting; the result is often positive, the weather is usually glorious. Sadly, the situation QPR find themselves in at the bottom of the Premier League means they require points rather than stories of filthy knickers and deck chairs this weekend. If they can somehow win at St Mary’s again, it really will be an 'I was there' moment for the travelling 3,000.
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Team News: Harry Redknapp must juggle his fragile forward line again this weekend with Bobby Zamora adding an ankle complaint to his existing hip problem ruling him out of any action at all. The R's must therefore hope that Loic Remy is fit to grace us with his presence for a full game because with DJ Campbell still, infuriatingly, out on loan Jay Bothroyd and Jamie Mackie are the only other options other than Adel Taarabt who has looked weary of late having carried the team this far. Tal Ben Haim is apparently out although he's probably already consigned to the ever growing list of pointless signings Rangers have made this season that provided no improvement to the starting 11 whatsoever.
Southampton must decide whether to recall former QPR loanee Jason Puncheon, and club record signing Gaston Ramirez after both were left on the bench for last weekend's 4-2 defeat at Newcastle . Jose Fonte will only be fit for the bench after two months out with a knee injury. Luke Shaw is doubtful.
Elsewhere: The big game of the Premier League weekend is on Sky on Sunday as Arsenal travel to Tottenham with both bitter rivals vying for Champions League places. A shot of whiskey every time Gareth Bale is mentioned in the pre-match build up and you won't even be able to see by the time the match kicks off.
For fans of QPR and Southampton, eyes are firmly fixed on the bottom end of the table. Third bottom Aston Villa go last this weekend, at home to Manchester City on Monday night, which means Reading – currently a point behind in nineteenth – could overtake them if they can win at Everton on Saturday. Wigan are out of the relegation zone on goal difference alone – eight better off than Villa – but can put clear daylight between themselves and the drop zone if they defeat Liverpool at home in the ESPN Saturday evening game.
For Southampton in sixteenth, which way you’re looking for other results rather depends how optimistic you are. They are two points and seven goals better off than Wigan but only two points behind Sunderland who host Fulham this weekend. West Ham are slowly drifting downwards as well, just three points ahead of the Saints with one win from their last seven – they are involved in the Stoke v Diet Stoke clash at the Britannia Stadium tomorrow. Newcastle seem to be climbing away, but also only have 30 points – they'll be hoping to catch a hungover Swansea side cold a week after their League Cup triumph.
Elsewhere I'm sure it's all eyes on Rafa Benitez after his latest belly wobbling fit of verbosity at Middlesbrough during the week and his Chelsea side (as much as you can call it his with the bi-annual undermining of the manager from Terry, Lampard and co well under way) host West Brom this weekend. Champions Man Utd host Norwich in the day's dead rubber.
Referee: With only Spurs v Arsenal on the coupon this weekend to trouble the Premier League's top referees – and that one rather bravely going the way of Mark Clattenburg – it's no surprise to see World Cup final official Howard Webb appointed to QPR's game at St Mary's where the importance of the fixture at the bottom of the league and the return of Harry Redknapp to A former club that does not hold him in high regard are sure to spice up the atmosphere. Webb took charge of a similar fixture in January when Redknapp took his Rangers side back to his old stomping ground Upton Park – QPR and West Ham drew 1-1. For his full QPR case file please click here.
Southampton: Having started the season by conceding 28 goals in the first ten games the Saints have started to leak again recently just when it seemed the problem was sorted. They’ve shipped nine goals in their last four matches and conceded four last time out against Newcastle. The Saints have won four, lost four and drawn five at home this season – for every impressive 3-1 win against Man City there’s been a 2-0 loss against Wigan. That inconsistency is undermined by their recent overall form – three defeats, three draws and two wins from eight games – but particularly their record at home which is currently one win from five outings but prior to that was two wins and two draws from five. The Saints have dropped a league-leading 27 points from winning positions this season.
QPR: Rangers haven’t scored at all in their last five league matches at Loftus Road, but away from W12 they have scored at least once in their last four road trips – winning two and drawing another. They’ve scored 11 times away from home this season which is marginally less pathetic than the eight they’ve managed at home. That total of 19 is exactly half the number of goals Southampton have scored this season. The away record overall however remains dire – one win and eight defeats from 13 matches. They have however only lost twice in eight visits to Southampton, and are yet to be beaten at St Mary’s. And of course the R’s have won just twice in 27 matches this season overall.
Betting:Professional odds compiler Owen Goulding says…
"QPR travel to St Marys to take on a Saints side who haven't played at home in the league for a month. That game back at the beginning of February seems to have decided the destination of the title when Southampton completely outplayed current champions Man City . On that same day, QPR were getting totally annihilated at the Liberty Stadium. The stats really fooled me into thinking QPR would make it a tight game in Wales and possibly come away with a draw, but I was way off the mark. As soon as I saw the team I, along with even the most optimistic Rangers fan, knew what was coming.
"Harry has made some odd team selections in recent weeks in my opinion. The 'throw a load of money at the Prem' project has failed miserably. Meanwhile a team like Southampton can sack a manager who seemed popular with the majority of players and very popular with the supporters and still put 11 men on the field to play their hearts out for the shirt and the new manager, regardless of the situation they find themselves in. I remember standing at St Mary's a good few seasons back watching us beat a massively struggling Southampton side and seeing fans around me waving money at the Saints fans taunting them with our new found 'wealthy owners'. I know which financial position of the two I'd prefer our club to be in now.
"I want to think QPR can go there and win, but nothing in my head can convince me its possible. Samba looks off the pace and without him in top form, Lambert can cause us no end of problems in the air. With players such as Luke Shaw (although he faces a late fitness test) and Adam Lallana with energy to burn, I see a troubled time for the Rangers defence. I think QPR will hold out for a while, as minus the Swansea game, the defence has started reasonably strong in recent games, but I just can't see Southampton failing to score. My bet of the weekend is to double your money by backing Southampton to score their first goal after the 30th Minute at 21/20 with William Hill."
Prediction:The ever optimistic reigning champion of our Prediction League Nathan McAllister says…
"The first time QPR and Southampton met this season both sides were in the bottom two and the game was billed El Sackiko. What transpired that day seems to have set the stage for everything that has happened since. The Saints were impressive and seem to have gone from strength to strength ever since. If the season had started that day Southampton would currently be sitting in eighth, ahead of early high flyers Everton and West Brom . Rangers, on the other hand, would still be in the bottom two, kept off the bottom of the table only by West Ham. In fact the only parallel you can draw between the two clubs was that both managers from the original game were indeed dismissed, although in Nigel Adkins’ case the sacking was harsh to say the least considering he had presided over the initial remarkable upturn in results.
"In Rangers’ case it’s hard to argue that their improvement has been anything other than modest under Redknapp – 13 points from 13 games so far is still more or less relegation form. They will need an upturn even more dramatic than the Saints have managed to get anywhere near staying up. Unfortunately, they have given us fans no cause whatsoever for optimism with their performances in recent weeks.
"This week’s straw to clutch at is Southampton’s recent 4-2 defeat at Newcastle , suggesting that Saints’ problems in defence may have returned – if they ever went away. Southampton initially looked to have improved dramatically defensively: they conceded 28 goals from their first ten league matches but then conceded only 17 in 16 up to the Newcastle game. Despite going five home league games without scoring, Rangers have scored a goal in each of their last four away games in all competitions, and I fancy they have a good chance of getting another one at St.Mary’s. Those more knowledgeable about these things than me (see the Scout Report) have identified Saints as being vulnerable to counter-attacks (Taarabt?) and set-pieces (Samba?). However at the other end they have the potent goal-scoring threat of Rickie Lambert, and look to have a massive advantage in midfield where Schneiderlin and Cork look set to dominate whatever combination of Mbia/Jenas/Derry and Granero that Redknapp decides will be the least ineffective.
"A win for Rangers would be massive, and with a run of potential six-pointers ahead might just get us believing in the impossible again. However, everything I’ve seen on and since that fateful day in November suggests to me that, of the two sides, Southampton are more unified, organised, effective, motivated and talented – in short, a much better team."
Prediction: Southampton 2 QPR 1
Scorer: Remy
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