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EPL Soccerball USA is back again. The cream of EPL player talent will be represented in the form of four super-striking teams bringing the strongest rosters finance, physio, and proper football elsewhere will allow.
Manchester Glazerballs are back - it’s like they were never away. In fact many people wish they would stay. Its been a tough semester for the ManGlaze - a period of transition and asset-stripping - but they should at least bring perfume boy David Beckster-Beckham with them for a masterclass in half-time hand-waving to the bleachers. Attaboy David.
West Hams United have two great wins in their history. Many years ago they defeated Adolph Hitler’s Germany in the World Series and more recently they won the London Olympics and were given the sports arena as first prize. Winner winner chicken frickin dinner!
Everleytone Candyman also have a rich history - mostly of watching Liverpool win everything (sorry folks Liverpool couldn’t make it this year as they’re on a highly controversial but nonetheless lucrative tour of South and North Korea) But the Everleytones have just built a new arena - and those things don’t build themselves - so expect to see them here every summer until it’s paid for.
The rule tweaks for this year’s tournament are any goal scored by an American player will count as double. Any goal scored by a Canadian player will have a 25% deduction. This tariff, I mean rule, will also apply in penalty-kick shoot-outs, which there will be at the end of every game. Please note whoever wins the shoot-out wins the contest no matter what the score was beforehand.
In addition ICE have informed us that players of Mexican, Central American, South American, and/ or Spanish origin, or indeed anyone with a name deemed un-American will not be invited to the tournament.
Oh we nearly forgot, this year we have a mystery team. Brownemouth-On-Sea. We don’t know a lot about these guys but we’re hearing that like our good President, they’re backed by some serious Russian money, so our guess is they’re going to win it.
If you haven’t learnt how to control a football by the time you’re 20 will you ever? I thought it was a basic requisite of being a professional football player. Controlling a football should be second nature by the time you’re knocking on the door of the first team. The next step up is doing it consistently in the heat of the battle. Or am I being harsh?
First time I’ve seen the highlights. Never a penalty and Saito’s miss not as easy a chance as some are making out. Yes we should have taken the game more to 10 men but from the meagre highlights this was an away game against a top six side where we had a depleted first XI but were still unlucky to come away pointless. Yet still the chicken-lickens come out for a cluck.
My dad was a postie in the 70s & 80s based in the big West Central depot on New Oxford Street. The stories he’d tell me of the high jinks they got up to. There was an underground postal railway - a sort of Indiana Jones type unmanned track running from Paddington to Whitechapel with a few stops in between. The casket type carriages would be full of letters and parcels for each sorting office. Now and then then the train would arrive with a furious banging and shouting from within one of the carriages. On opening there would be a terrified ashen-faced newbie or temp. After clambering out of the casket they would be taken to the cafe for a recuperating cup of tea or even to the bar for something stronger. Sometimes instead of this they would be greeted with a cheery “Next stop Mount Pleasant” the casket doors would be closed again and on they went. I expect the health and safety killjoys have put a stop to this innocent fun by now.
I’ve always wanted to go on the Dragons’s Den to see if any one would buy into a range of condoms named after Scottish football clubs. I give you …
The Buckie Thistle The Heart of Midlothian The Bonnyrigg Rose The Motherwell The Clachnacuddin The Civil Service Stroller Keith The Gala Fairydean The Queen of the South The Inverurie Loco Works FC
For the love of god I beg of you please lock this thread. You see I sleepily clicked on it by mistake this morning and then blow me I again sleepily clicked on one of the links therewithin and still in the hope of perhaps hearing a Michi Frey injury update all I see/hear are swinging sixties beat combo songs and not a dicky bird on a twisted Swiss calf muscle, a groin strain, or even a glass onion. Where’s the QPR news? Nowhere, man!
Anyway since you ask and in no particular order (order!):
Back In The USSR … which is where Trump will end up when he’s busted. Who you calling an Anthony Blunt she said she said.
Sun King? more like Sun Lamp King. The state of the fcuker’s boat. Like an anorexic supermodel’s been force-fed exotic Soleros for a week then shat her watery excreta all over his already repulsive boko. My sweet Lord!
The Fool on the hill? The Fool on Capitol Hill more like. I could go on but I don’t want to spoil the party. I should have known better than to bang on about Mean Mr Mustard Face here there and everywhere. Girl, I’m sure we can work it out but for now good day sunshine. Hello? Goodbye!
Give me love, give me hope, give me peace on Earth 🙏🏼 The End
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