| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 861207 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:47 - Aug 11 with 8921 views | johann28 |
I left British Gas and set up my own business. Imagine my excitement when I got a call from Buckingham Palace to do a job for Her Maj. Sadly, I got turned away as I wasn't Corgi approved. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:57 - Aug 11 with 8858 views | colinallcars |
The jury had just found a prisoner guilty as charged. “ Is there anything you wish to say before I pass sentence upon you? “ said the judge. The prisoner muttered under his breath “ F**k all “
The judge cupped his hand to his ear and said to the prisoner's counsel “ Did your client say something? “
The counsel replied “ My client said f**k all, My Lord “
“ Oh, “ the judge said, “ I thought he said something “ |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:29 - Aug 11 with 8826 views | HantsR |
I went into TESCO and there was a bloke with a mask and high-vis jacket. He shouted out, "Mind the Step!!". Apparently he was from Trip Advisor. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:53 - Aug 14 with 8635 views | Esox_Lucius |
A farmer went out one morning to milk his cows, as he began to milk the first cow a fly began to fly around annoyingly and eventually flew inside the cows ear and disappeared.
He carried on milking when suddenly the fly reappeared in the bucket, he smiled to himself and thought "Typical, it went in one ear and out the udder". |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:37 - Aug 14 with 8607 views | markrtid |
On my way to work this morning via London underground, who could step into our carriage but the one and only Liam Neeson.
I know right?
He looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if he could take the seat next to me?
I blurted out
It's TAKEN!
I'm ere all week |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:47 - Aug 18 with 8458 views | johann28 |
I now only go into 3 shops - the optician, the chemist, and the bakers.
So my life consists of specs and drugs and sausage rolls. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:32 - Aug 24 with 8259 views | johann28 |
Accidentally rubbed ketchup into my eyes this morning ... now I have the benefit of Heinz sight | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:49 - Aug 25 with 8123 views | Dorse |
Tantor, my eight year old told me this one today:
Why do the Tellytubbies all go to the toilet together?
Because they've only got one Tinky Winky.
She has since been taken on an exciting trip to the orphanage. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:16 - Aug 26 with 8047 views | Esox_Lucius |
I saw someone pass out on the London Eye once, it took them ages to come round. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:21 - Aug 26 with 7990 views | Esox_Lucius |
I joined a pyromaniacs dating site a while back. I get new matches almost every day. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:10 - Aug 26 with 7914 views | Esox_Lucius |
*Breaking News*
Firefighters rescued a girl that became trapped in a clothes dryer.
She was reportedly unharmed other than being dizzy... and missing a sock. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:21 - Aug 26 with 7908 views | SouthallRanger |
My parents got divorced. It was horrible... my mum got custardy... my dad got jelly and sponged. I felt deserted | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:19 - Aug 28 with 7775 views | Myke |
I used to love setting fire to anything circular shaped until a policeman warned me to stop arson around | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:47 - Aug 31 with 7677 views | johann28 |
Worst pub I've ever been to is called the Fiddle. It's a vile inn. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:09 - Sep 3 with 7505 views | Esox_Lucius |
An escapee from a local psychiatric unit ran into a laundrette to rest whilst he was on the run. He saw the woman who owned the laundry giving him the eye, and it had been a long time since, so he had sex with her. As soon as he finished he ran off never to be seen again.
The headline in the local paper that week read..
Nut screws washer and bolts. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:20 - Sep 7 with 7330 views | colinallcars |
BB King suffered from depression as a young man. No NHS over there of course so his friends clubbed together to raise the money for him to see a doctor. “Hmm” The doctor said. “I think you've got the blues. That'll be a thousand dollars please.” | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:49 - Sep 10 with 7179 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
I just heard on BBC radio that the M4 near Swindon is down to one lane due to a rice lorry spillage.
Reporter Paddy Fields said it could be a long grain problem. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:50 - Sep 17 with 7000 views | Esox_Lucius |
I went for a job at a fishmongers. The owner said I could have the job if I could name 3 fish beginning with 'K'. I said 'Killer shark, king haddock and Kilmarnock'. He said 'Kilmarnock?'.
I said 'yes it’s a plaice in Scotland'.... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:38 - Sep 22 with 6859 views | BucksRanger |
My wife is in A&E after being stung on the forehead by a wasp. Her face is all swollen and bruised but thankfully I got the wasp with my shovel. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:49 - Sep 23 with 6753 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:50 - Sep 17 by Esox_Lucius |
I went for a job at a fishmongers. The owner said I could have the job if I could name 3 fish beginning with 'K'. I said 'Killer shark, king haddock and Kilmarnock'. He said 'Kilmarnock?'.
I said 'yes it’s a plaice in Scotland'.... |
"Killer shark" and "king haddock"? According to google neither of those even exists.
What's wrong with eg Mullet, Mackerel and Motherwell? | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:05 - Sep 23 with 6735 views | loftboy |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:49 - Sep 23 by NewBee |
"Killer shark" and "king haddock"? According to google neither of those even exists.
What's wrong with eg Mullet, Mackerel and Motherwell? |
Well they don’t begin with a “K” to start with! |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:22 - Sep 23 with 6715 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:05 - Sep 23 by loftboy |
Well they don’t begin with a “K” to start with! |
Should have just said Karp and Katfish surely! | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:08 - Sep 23 with 7613 views | Esox_Lucius |
Bus Stop version of my joke...
I went for a job at a fishmongers. The owner said I could have the job if I could name 3 fish beginning with 'K'. I said 'Knifefish, Kingfish and Kilmarnock'. He said 'Kilmarnock?'.
I said 'yes it’s a plaice in Scotland'.... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:56 - Sep 23 with 7484 views | Myke |
Spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday, felt it was the least I could do... | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Sep 24 with 7390 views | EastR |
Lionel Richie sang at the opening of a new cheese shop in NW London.
Harrow, Is it brie you're looking for? | |
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