| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 870442 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:24 - Sep 23 with 6523 views | johann28 |
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument about the outcome of a recent Championship game. Satan proposed they settle the argument by hosting their own game, but insisted that the match be played on neutral ground.
“Ok,” said Peter, the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But it's only fair to remind you that we’ve got most of the best players AND the best coaches.”
“ Yeah yeah,” Satan answered unperturbed. “And I might remind YOU that we’ve got all the referees.” |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:50 - Sep 24 with 6239 views | Sonofpugwash |
Is Starmer the wurst PM in history?
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:54 - Sep 24 with 6154 views | Lblock |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:50 - Sep 24 by Sonofpugwash |
Is Starmer the wurst PM in history?
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Proved he loves a few porkies this early in his term |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:18 - Sep 24 with 6031 views | qprphil |
A young kid comes home from primary school.
His mother isn't happy as the school has been on the phone.
They want me to come in as you said the dreadful C word she says.
It wasn't clever was it she says.
No says the kid, it was cu-nt.! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:30 - Sep 25 with 5791 views | Esox_Lucius |
I bought a bungalow this week, I originally wanted a house but that's another storey. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:09 - Sep 25 with 5630 views | pragueranger |
I hear that they ran out of sausages and cheese yesterday at Oktoberfest.
It was a wurst kase scenario. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:14 - Sep 25 with 5533 views | bosh67 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:50 - Sep 24 by Sonofpugwash |
Is Starmer the wurst PM in history?
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The two sausage solution. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:49 - Sep 26 with 5312 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just had to stop my dog humping a cabbage. He must have thought it was a Collie. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:33 - Sep 27 with 5061 views | Sonofpugwash |
Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Aye"
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'
Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”
Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doing all right."
Welshman: (look of shock)
Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”
Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheep's a fukking liar!! | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:16 - Sep 29 with 4827 views | Esox_Lucius |
A local man was in court this week charged with masturbating dogs in public. In his summing up the magistrate told him that he was disgusting and asked how low could you get?
Dachshunds M'lud was his response. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:09 - Sep 30 with 4533 views | Esox_Lucius |
I have been developing a light aircraft made out of chocolate, I am going to call it an Aero Plane. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:27 - Sep 30 with 4445 views | radfords |
Stretching the topic but for fans of Top Cat or (boss cat)
Spook : Man, ain't this heat a gas?
Top Cat : Where were you?
Spook : Like, I was making the public library scene.
Top Cat : *You* were reading a book?
Spook : Well, like, I was faking it, but this book is so far out, I got hooked. What a crazy, mixed-up story.
Choo Choo : What was it about, Spook?
Spook : Well, it starts out about an aardvark and ends up with everybody playing the xylophone.
Top Cat : What's it called?
Spook : Under a Bridge with Dick and Harry.
Top Cat : Under a Bridge with Dick and Harry? Let me see that.
[looks at the book]
Top Cat : That's "Unabridged Dictionary"! What's the matter with you? That's nothing but words!
Spook : Oh, I thought it was kinda freeform | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:15 - Oct 2 with 4054 views | Esox_Lucius |
I brought a genuine Van Gogh coffee table home. My wife asked me how I knew it was genuine.
I told her "It's got a bit of veneer missing". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:35 - Oct 2 with 3925 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:15 - Oct 2 by Esox_Lucius |
I brought a genuine Van Gogh coffee table home. My wife asked me how I knew it was genuine.
I told her "It's got a bit of veneer missing". |
Similar vein:
Saw Van Gogh in the pub. Said to him:
'I'm a massive fan, can I buy you a drink?'
'Nah, you're alright', he says, 'I've got one 'ere...'
Feel free to mock and boo until your voices are sore. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:38 - Oct 15 with 3393 views | Esox_Lucius |
I'm giving my nephew three socks for Xmas this year. My sister told me that he had grown another foot since last year. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:21 - Oct 15 with 3293 views | Esox_Lucius |
Nurse: Mr Thomson, do you smoke, drink or use drugs?
Mr Thomson: I'm down for all that, we should hang out when I am released from this hospital. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:35 - Oct 15 with 3199 views | Dorse |
When I was at the gym the other day, I saw a hole in my trainer so big it could fit my whole finger inside.
Anyway, he was quite upset by this and now I'm barred. | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:47 - Oct 16 with 3028 views | Rebalhoop |
I’ve just imported a very rare bottle of Tipex from China……
It’s a correctors item. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:15 - Oct 16 with 2823 views | Lblock |
| Corny Joke Warning on 07:47 - Oct 16 by Rebalhoop |
I’ve just imported a very rare bottle of Tipex from China……
It’s a correctors item. |
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| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:52 - Oct 16 with 2779 views | Esox_Lucius |
Walking my dogs I was stopped by a guy who commented "What a lovely looking pair of dogs"
Me: "Thank you".
Him: What are their names?"
Me: "Calvin and Klein"
Him: "Isn't that a brand of underwear?"
Me: "Yes, they're Boxers". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:31 - Oct 19 with 2367 views | Sonofpugwash |
Guy showed up today.He asked me whether I would like to contribute to the floods in Pakistan.I said I'd love to but my hose only traches to the bottom of the garden. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:25 - Oct 24 with 2096 views | Esox_Lucius |
I've just bought a pet tree, it's like having a pet dog but its bark is quieter. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:29 - Oct 26 with 6079 views | Esox_Lucius |
Whilst reading the autobiography of actor Yul Brynner, I discovered that he was an avid Liverpool FC fan and that he never used aftershave.
That's right! Yul never wore cologne. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:42 - Nov 4 with 5696 views | Esox_Lucius |
I walked into a hardware shop yesterday and as soon as I crossed the threshold all the stud finders started beeping. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 5 with 5520 views | SimonJames |
Many football fans know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their song "Sunshine On Leith" is sung at Hibs games.
But most people don't know that many years ago, Craig and Charlie Reid both worked as groundsmen for the club.
They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.
In their defence, the brothers blamed this on stock shortages at B&Q
They went to branches at Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower... |  |
| 100% of people who drink water will die. |
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