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A man and a woman were traveling in a train. The woman said, " every time you smile I feel like inviting you to my place." The man said, " awwwwwwww, are you single.? " No" said the woman I'm a dentist."
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:13 - Apr 11 with 6008 views
Lady goes to the doctor to discuss the results of her tests. 'Well', says the doctor, 'there's some good news - we know why you've been out sorts. Let's just say that you've been eating for two'. The woman is delighted: 'You mean... I'm pregnant?' 'No', says the doctor. 'You've got a tape worm'.
'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:56 - Apr 11 with 5926 views
Just visited the new Church that’s been built in town, I was given a cup of coffee on the way in , I was given a cup of coffee during the service and I was given a cup of coffee on the way out, It was the church of Latte day saints.
Paddy rings his new girlfriends doorbell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, see's the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, lifts her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, " this is for the flowers." " Don't be silly," says Paddy, " you must have a vase somewhere.!"
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:34 - Apr 12 with 5637 views
Not having a great day. Went for a horse ride this morning, first time in ages, so started slowly, then went faster, when I slipped and caught my foot in the stirrup and got dragged along. Fortunately the manager at Sainsbury's came and unplugged the machine.
Paddy rings his new girlfriends doorbell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, see's the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, lifts her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, " this is for the flowers." " Don't be silly," says Paddy, " you must have a vase somewhere.!"
Sorry dude - fat fingers. +1
'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:05 - Apr 12 with 5532 views
When you are an American woman and you walk into a toilet cubicle you're an American, when you walk out again you're an American but whilst you are in there, European.
The grass is always greener.
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Corny Joke Warning on 09:25 - Apr 14 with 5306 views
Alexander the great met Diogenes once: D: get out of my sun A: don't you know who I am? D: don't much care. A: you're funny. And you don't seem to give a fück. D: exactly. Now fück off. A: HA! Oh, if I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes D: and if I were not Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes
The grass is always greener.
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Corny Joke Warning on 12:57 - Apr 14 with 5219 views
Corny Joke Warning on 09:25 - Apr 14 by Esox_Lucius
Alexander the great met Diogenes once: D: get out of my sun A: don't you know who I am? D: don't much care. A: you're funny. And you don't seem to give a fück. D: exactly. Now fück off. A: HA! Oh, if I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes D: and if I were not Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes
Diogenes wasn't related to Brian Clough by any chance, was he...?
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Corny Joke Warning on 18:27 - Apr 14 with 5121 views
An expert biologist from the Natural History passes a record shop and is surprised to see an LP in the window with a picture of wasps on the cover. He is a wasp specialist so can't help himself but go in and enquire what the record is all about. The man in the shop says the LP consists of field recordings of rare species of wasps in the wild. Enthralled by this he asks to hear it. But after a few minutes of skipping through the grooves he turns to the shopkeeper and says he is sure that the noises on the record are not wasps. The shopkeeper comes over, looks at the disc and says...
'Oh yeh, sorry mate, that's the B-side....'
[Post edited 15 Apr 2023 4:46]
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Corny Joke Warning on 18:55 - Apr 14 with 5081 views
Corny Joke Warning on 18:27 - Apr 14 by dontknowitall
An expert biologist from the Natural History passes a record shop and is surprised to see an LP in the window with a picture of wasps on the cover. He is a wasp specialist so can't help himself but go in and enquire what the record is all about. The man in the shop says the LP consists of field recordings of rare species of wasps in the wild. Enthralled by this he asks to hear it. But after a few minutes of skipping through the grooves he turns to the shopkeeper and says he is sure that the noises on the record are not wasps. The shopkeeper comes over, looks at the disc and says...
'Oh yeh, sorry mate, that's the B-side....'
[Post edited 15 Apr 2023 4:46]
Blimey! I knew Cloughie had a high opinion of himself, but I hadn't realised he was claiming to be an expert biologist!
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Corny Joke Warning on 08:17 - Apr 15 with 4975 views
A man and a woman were traveling in a train. The woman said, " every time you smile I feel like inviting you to my place." The man said, " awwwwwwww, are you single.? " No" said the woman I'm a dentist."
ARGH !! Down arrowed by mistake. Good joke, used a few twice in the pub last night.
Strong and stable my arse.
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Corny Joke Warning on 16:06 - Apr 15 with 4836 views
I thought I'd take my girlfriend to a sexy weekend in Paris.I asked her what kinky preferences she had and she replied that she'd like to be in handcuffs. So I put a kilo of Cannabis in her luggage.
Two women sat down chatting over a cup of tea, one says to the other one, " how did you meet your husband?" She said, " I'm a pharmacist and he came into our chemist to buy condoms, and he asked for XXXXXXL, it was only after we got married that I realised he stuttered."
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Corny Joke Warning on 18:07 - Apr 24 with 4553 views
A burglar entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear, and went to the bathroom. The husband said to the wife, " satisfy him or he'll kill both of us, be strong my love I love you." The wife said, " he didn't kiss mem he whispered in my ear he was gay, and that he needs vaseline, and I told him it's in the bathroom, so be strong I love you too.£
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Corny Joke Warning on 18:33 - Apr 24 with 4526 views
Corny Joke Warning on 09:25 - Apr 14 by Esox_Lucius
Alexander the great met Diogenes once: D: get out of my sun A: don't you know who I am? D: don't much care. A: you're funny. And you don't seem to give a fück. D: exactly. Now fück off. A: HA! Oh, if I were not Alexander, I would wish to be Diogenes D: and if I were not Diogenes, I too would wish to be Diogenes
Got to say, I've always thought that was why Alexander was "the Great".
Most other world conquering warmongers would have had Diogenes strung up, Alexander thought he was cool.
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:24 - Apr 25 with 4432 views
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