Yesterday's match report for the Fulham 1 v 1 Derby - brought to you courtesy of the Son of our regular match reporter I.Saw…. in his own words.
I awake at 6 o'clock prior to my father who is supposedly using the bathroom first. I already know that today is off to a bad start, arriving on time at Grantham train station we are greeted with a queue of people waiting for the replacement bus service to Peterborough and are promised that an announcement will be made when the bus arrives; no such announcement is ever made.
At 08:30 London is finally calling, via a free coffee from a luxurious shopping establishment, you have to love Waitrose.
Breakfast arrives in the form of a bacon cob delivered from the Gods to remove any cobwebs that remain from the night before. But at £4 - I would rather keep the spiders!
We arrive in London in good time, just as an old steam locomotive, perhaps from the latest Dad’s Army film, inches its way into the terminus! Cynics might say the period of the carriages dwells from the same time as Derby last had more than 5 shots on target in a game.
After successfully navigating the myriad of London's underground system we emerge at Borough Market greeted by the smell of freshly picked fruit and veg, it mixes with worldly culinary styles from Jamaican to haute cuisine with a slight smell of diesel from the overhead tracks. Lunch consists of a vegetarian burger and a gentle stroll, getting my healthy deed for the day in before the real event kicks off.
After years of making these journeys to Palace, Charlton, Millwall, Fulham and Brentford, it's still easy to forget the true size of the city which allows every person to reinvent themselves with every turn of a corner.
11:30 Putney Bridge crossed against the wind we arrive at the Coat and Badge. Promotional Heineken scarves draped around the reserved tables, the inscription reads "Try” and "Conversion”, my mind drifts to previous performances and formations of 4-1-5. At least in rugby 'try' is associated with the scoring of points, for Derby 'try' seems a all far to distant allusion.
Having failed to master a friends Nintendo DS f1 2011, I begin watching the Leicester vs. Man City game and realise that Robert Huth is in the form of his career scoring two goals in 60 minutes, prior to realising that he is on my bench for fantasy football.
Alcohol is the answer for this issue I hear you say, but even this does not destroy my ability to see the quality of Leicester, not technical quality but the quality of man, the desire and willingness to die based on the believes of your fans, not the tinkerman.
After a numerous amount of lager ranging from the sublime to the local Camden Pils, which tasted like it had been made from Thames water, at £5.25 a pint too I would suggest another option as this makes you run towards the bookcase quicker than you can say 'Cluedo’. Why? Well the toilets are situated behind a door designed as a bookcase.
14:45 we arrive at the ground and I am treated to a gorgeous Putney pie, which are always a beautiful treat just to edge us mortals back from endless abyss of excess beer. I learn that Man City has scored and that Huth will only score 20 points rather than 24. But he's still dropped and not in my team.
The team news filters though the aroma of steak and balti. If only they made a combination of both!
We line up 4-2-3-1 with Olsson replacing the 5th choice captain Warnock, a choice which some fans had been calling for since his arrival and Chris Baird returns, the infamous Captain who told his fans where they could go at half time, as a result of disapproval of the teams 'retention' passing policy.
The other changes include a recall for Wiemann, Russell and Bryson in replace of Ince, Thorne and Johnson.
Within the first ten minutes we are showing signs of the 'old Derby’, which was direct and free flowing. Keogh gracefully leaps like a Connor Sammon and grazes the crossbar with his header.
If the first 10 minutes was the best of us this Season, the following ten was the worst.
Christie is left 2 on 1 on the right hand side of the box which results in a cross being driven in to the area, Baird didn't deal with it and his pass to Olsson caught him off guard, hit his leg and trickled into our goal. Can we play you every week enters into our minds from the Burnley fans taunts after that unspeakable night. Is his debut set to be worse than Warnock’s we wonder?
The remainder of the first half is like a game of chess where both players do not want to commit to making the first move. The result is a 23 minute period where both teams struggle to even reach the final third until a lovely ball is played by Keogh down the wing.
Martin chases after it for once without the attention of 6 ft 8 Dan Burn, he chests and flicks the ball over to Russell who picks out Bryson on the edge of the spot. A fantastic volley from the Scot and the net bulges. The result is one shot on target, two goals and a relieved Paul Clement.
Half time comes and goes with the apparent usual murmurings of dismay toward Clement and the questioning of why a player who scored less than 20 goals in the previous 5 seasons is worth 2.5 million. Del Boy would have finally emigrated to France if he managed that deal.
At half time Fulham bring on Kackanikilic who always had seemed bright but is never consistent, today his performance is like a child flicking a light switch, touches of light and class followed by sections of dark where I thought he was queuing up for a pie in the concourse.
The second half becomes like the first half with no penetration just dribs and drabs, even the usually reliable McCormack cannot turn this around.
On 67 minutes Derby become positive bringing on Butterfield which is greeted with applause from both sets of fans, however this does not change the match and both teams seem content with possession.
With Bryson we have a willing runner who delivers passion and energy with every game, however three months out becomes his downfall and does him a disservice as he is replaced with Johnson who must be earning a nice pay cheque each week.
Fulham come close with a header from a corner and sloppy intercepted passes which thankfully The Cottagers do not capitalise on.
With 15 minutes left Fulham bring on Smith and appear to be guest managed by Sam Alladyce. Derby bring on Blackman to play wide on the right, he had so much impact I believed he was Tom Ince in his ineffective mode.
Russell comes close with a 1 on 1 chance which is well saved by Lonergan. Now every fan has different opinions about what he should of done, apart from score, I feel he should of chipped it over the keeper but I am a defender and I get dizzy even crossing over the half way line.
The final chance falls to Ross McCormack from a lovely disguised ball from Parker however the calmness disappeared and the young fan at heart snatched at the chance.
The end result was 1-1 with both teams deserving a point, for Fulham it's now six unbeaten at home whereas for Derby it is six games without a win.
All that was left was the journey back, a liberated beer glass, railway social clubs, scrupulous amounts of alcohol and snacks.
With us gently staggering back in at 22:00, we dream of the next day out and wishing that Derby win.
Paul Clement wasn’t happy after the game.
COYR!!