Southampton has been shocked by the intensity of an outbreak of Premier League Fever, a disease that can turn normally rational people into rabid frothing at the mouth dervishes.
Premier League fever is a relatively new disease, the first case was diagnosed in England in 1992 and since then the number of cases have increased year on year to this years record numbers.
The symptoms are many, but first manifest themselves when the victim starts to talk gibberish and get unrealistic expectations about his football team.
It then escalates further with the victim becoming irrational and finding himself screaming abuse at individual players and ranting about relegation every time his team concedes a throw in near its own penalty box.
But that is just the beginning, it is a highly contagious disease and can spread quickly if not checked.
It usually manifests itself inside the stadium itself and those who have only had season tickets since the team got into the Premier League are the most vunerable, PLF attacks the mind & nervous system and these souls have not been able to build up their immunity in the Championship or League One.
Study has shown that those supporters who have been through that ordeal are far more able to fight off the destabilising affects of PLF.
But those who spent their time, not on staring at empty seats and praying for the good times to return, but on watching Match Of The Day with Gary Lineker and Gary Neville as their God have had their expectations falsely raised and are therefore very susceptible to catching it.
It is in many ways similar to Stone Roses Disease back in the early 1990's, when the Manchester band of the same name released their second album "Second Coming" which was less a resurrection and more a pile of sub Led Zeppelin guitar noodling.
If caught quickly it can if not cured be contained, at the first sign a threat of physical violence is usually enough to quell the symptoms, however this is not an advisable course of action unless you are medically trained and definitely not if the victim is bigger than you.
Saturday afternoon at 3.40pm will forever be etched on those present at St Mary's stadium, PLF struck with the force of a tsunami, at 3.39pm 28,000 people were sane rational human beings, a minute later a large proportion of them were unable to think clearly and rationally, if you have ever wondered what it was like at Pompei (you know that desolate ruined city ! Ok that desolate ruined city near Naples in Italy) then you know now if you were in one of the stands in the stadium.
So what are the symptoms and can it be cured ?
The symptoms are many but here are the main ones.
1. The victim harks on about the past
2. The victim starts muttering words like "selling club" "no Ambition"
3.The victim starts screaming words like "selling club" "no Ambition"
4. Frothing at the mouth
5. The victim starts to tell anyone within earshot that we could have won the title if we had held on to Schneiderlin/Clyne/Lallana/Shaw/Bale/Chivers/Wayman/Fry (CB not Roger) by now the victim has lost all sense of time.
6.The board/owner is blamed and accused of stripping assets.
7. The victim believes that all of the players sold were desperate to stay and only left because the board dragged them screaming to Old Trafford/Anfield/Emirates in a desperation to rake in cash
8. The victim believes that under a previous Chairman all of the sold players would have stayed and that Luis Suarez was nailed on in the summer.
9. An inability to remember four games ago when we were unbeaten in eight
As I say these are some of the main ones, at first there appearance will be temporary, after all we will clear most throw ins and corners and the victim will appear normal again, but don't be fooled this awful disease is just simmering under the surface once it has entered the blood stream it will attack mercilessly.
So are there any cures, yes there are some desperate ones, in 2005 our last outbreak the club had to be quarantined outside of the Premier League for 7 years and the victims of PLF were ordered to stay at home for that period.
Other cures are less time consuming but just as hard to implement, the victim has to get a grasp on reality and that is not always easy, but some that have worked include.
A. Showing the victim the Premier League table of December 2012 & then May 2013
B. Showing the victim the video of the fixture HMRC V Portsmouth Football Club
C. Showing the victim the current League Two table
D. Driving the victim through Paulsgrove (It is advised to keep the doors locked)
E. Showing the victim the current Premier League table
F. Showing the victim the 30 second video, "Dejan Lovren's top tackles for Liverpool"
G, Show the victim the video "Dejan Lovren's penalty" on repeat
So do you know anyone who showed any signs of these symptoms on Saturday in the stadium near you, if so then on Boxing Day you should wrap up warm and with water tight clothing, it is as we say highly contagious.
If the signs return and you are not trained in physical violence then inform the nearest steward that you believe that a carrier of PLF is nearby, they won't do anything but it sort if covers us if anyone does attempt any of the aforementioned cures.
But above all remember that this article is a bit of fun and so is football, no matter how bad you feel we have been we are still mid table and better off than we were 3 years ago and only slightly worse off than 2 years ago, if we keep calm and carry on our luck and for will change, would you rather be in this position than any of the past 10 years bar the last two, or indeed since 1992 when PLF was first diagnosed this is as high as we have been in virtually any season.
Football is a game of ups and downs, that is why when you have come through the downs the highs are that much sweeter for those who have held steady.