| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 794359 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:08 - Sep 23 with 7163 views | Esox_Lucius |
Bus Stop version of my joke...
I went for a job at a fishmongers. The owner said I could have the job if I could name 3 fish beginning with 'K'. I said 'Knifefish, Kingfish and Kilmarnock'. He said 'Kilmarnock?'.
I said 'yes it’s a plaice in Scotland'.... |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:56 - Sep 23 with 7034 views | Myke |
Spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday, felt it was the least I could do... | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Sep 24 with 6940 views | EastR |
Lionel Richie sang at the opening of a new cheese shop in NW London.
Harrow, Is it brie you're looking for? | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:52 - Sep 24 with 6905 views | Newhopphoops |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Sep 24 by EastR |
Lionel Richie sang at the opening of a new cheese shop in NW London.
Harrow, Is it brie you're looking for? |
He was on a ferry I took to Zeebrugge years ago, and treated us all to an impromptu gig. We were dancing on the Sealink. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:03 - Sep 27 with 6755 views | johann28 |
I had to quit my job at the cat shelter. They reduced meowers. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:12 - Sep 27 with 6699 views | Esox_Lucius |
I have just been given a horse called Mayo. It was called that because mayo ... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:12 - Sep 27 with 6689 views | kensalriser |
I went out to the German speciality foods shop to get our favourite sausage last week, but sadly it had closed down.
The wurst was over. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:26 - Sep 27 with 6654 views | Boston |
The biggest problem with the Covid is either uncertainty or indifference. Personally I neither know nor care. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:32 - Sep 27 with 6649 views | Boston |
English teacher is explaining some basic grammer rules: I go, you go, he goes, she goes, they go...now Wendy, can you tell me what that means? Wendy frowns then replies, "well I think it means everyone has gone." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:35 - Sep 27 with 6643 views | Boston |
When quizzed, 95% of English people reply they are happy with their neighbours. The other 5% live on the Scottish border. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:38 - Sep 27 with 6637 views | Boston |
Y'know what football players do when they go blind?
Become referee's. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Oct 1 with 6479 views | Esox_Lucius |
Seeing that thread about past loves got me reminiscing about my first ever deep crush on a girl. Growing up I had a best friend, Billy Leigh, and we were inseparable. Around the time I was 15-16 I began to notice Billy's sister Claire who was almost a year younger than us and was starting to blossom into a very attractive woman. By the time she was 17 she was drop dead gorgeous with the most beautiful eyes and smile and a figure a swimwear model would be envious of. We went out a few times but it was fairly clear that she saw me more as Billy's mate rather than boyfriend material, and inside I was crushed. At 19 she went off to Uni and although I never saw her again, I never forgot her.
The years passed and I met and got married to a nice estate agent named Lorraine and we bought a house and set off to experience life together. About three years ago I got a PM on Facebook and it was Claire wanting to add me as a friend and, I have to say, my heart leapt. We chatted a bit about old times and what we had been up to since we were kids and she suggested we meet up for a coffee as she had moved back into the area for her job. I couldn't resist and, whilst I hadn't aged too badly, she was absolutely stunning looking, intelligent and smart with it. I was 16 all over again.
After an hour which went by in a flash we departed and I floated all the way home. A few days later she messaged me again saying what a lovely time she had had and it had started her thinking the reason she had never got married was because she was looking for someone like me. Well, that was when it all went horribly Pete Tong, my wife saw the message and went ballistic at me. Long story short it ended in an acrimonious divorce and I had to buy her out of the house.
The good news; I can see Claire Leigh now Lorraine has gone. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:38 - Oct 1 with 6447 views | Esox_Lucius |
Which actress was named after the celebration of the first man to climb
Everest?
Hillary Swank | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:48 - Oct 14 with 6263 views | johann28 |
Not putting the clocks back this year. Another hour of 2020 I just don't need. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:26 - Oct 17 with 6086 views | Boston |
I went ballistic down the supermarket this afternoon, "my vinegars full of lumps" I told 'em, manager informed me I'd bought a jar of pickled onions. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:58 - Oct 17 with 6076 views | Boston |
I invented Tipex y'know...correct me if I'm wrong. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:58 - Oct 17 with 6076 views | DavieQPR |
Was told to isolate for two weeks after coming back from Iceland. I only went in for some frozen chips. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:06 - Oct 17 with 6074 views | Boston |
Went down the butchers this afternoon and he bet me ten quid I couldn't get the meat down from the top shelf.
Didn't take him on, the steaks were too high. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 05:30 - Oct 17 with 6052 views | B_Wad |
There's a group of highland cows in a field. How do you know which one is on holiday?
It's the one wae the wee caaf. [Post edited 17 Oct 2020 5:31]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:23 - Oct 17 with 6005 views | qprxtc |
That deserves a f ucking medal!ðŸ‘🻠|  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:24 - Oct 17 with 6002 views | qprxtc |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Oct 1 by Esox_Lucius |
Seeing that thread about past loves got me reminiscing about my first ever deep crush on a girl. Growing up I had a best friend, Billy Leigh, and we were inseparable. Around the time I was 15-16 I began to notice Billy's sister Claire who was almost a year younger than us and was starting to blossom into a very attractive woman. By the time she was 17 she was drop dead gorgeous with the most beautiful eyes and smile and a figure a swimwear model would be envious of. We went out a few times but it was fairly clear that she saw me more as Billy's mate rather than boyfriend material, and inside I was crushed. At 19 she went off to Uni and although I never saw her again, I never forgot her.
The years passed and I met and got married to a nice estate agent named Lorraine and we bought a house and set off to experience life together. About three years ago I got a PM on Facebook and it was Claire wanting to add me as a friend and, I have to say, my heart leapt. We chatted a bit about old times and what we had been up to since we were kids and she suggested we meet up for a coffee as she had moved back into the area for her job. I couldn't resist and, whilst I hadn't aged too badly, she was absolutely stunning looking, intelligent and smart with it. I was 16 all over again.
After an hour which went by in a flash we departed and I floated all the way home. A few days later she messaged me again saying what a lovely time she had had and it had started her thinking the reason she had never got married was because she was looking for someone like me. Well, that was when it all went horribly Pete Tong, my wife saw the message and went ballistic at me. Long story short it ended in an acrimonious divorce and I had to buy her out of the house.
The good news; I can see Claire Leigh now Lorraine has gone. |
That deserves a f ucking medal!ðŸ‘🻠. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:23 - Oct 17 with 5929 views | SK_hoops |
What do volcanic land and East end boxing gyms have in common?
Both are full of geysers letting off steam. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:01 - Oct 17 with 5877 views | Esox_Lucius |
Deep in the Ozarks they call October 30th Pump Kin night. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:39 - Oct 17 with 5813 views | Esox_Lucius |
The actor who played Captain Kirk in the Star Trek series is to release a range of ladies underwear to be called Shatner Pants. [Post edited 18 Oct 2020 18:01]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:35 - Oct 18 with 5777 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:39 - Oct 17 by Esox_Lucius |
The actor who played Captain Kirk in the Star Trek series is to release a range of ladies underwear to be called Shatner Pants. [Post edited 18 Oct 2020 18:01]
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Got to be a some sort of issue there because the last time Spock used his toilet he found the Captains Log. | |
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