Knees-up Mother Brown #4

Blog written by wessex_exile
Published: 27th August 2023 14:28

Well, apart from family birthday celebrations, last weekend was a barren source of amusement. Joe Taylor did at least show any remaining doubters just how important he’s going to be for our 2023/24 season, to net his third and fourth goals of the season. Our defence, however, showed the importance of remaining concentrated (or not) for the entire 100+ minutes of league games these days, gifting Gilbey an 88th minute equaliser, and then Dennis a 90+10’ winner. Sadly, another weak referee muddied the waters, not sending Mo Eisa off for blatant dissent when it could have made all the difference. Apparently, none of the officials saw what everyone else did, but then he still had words with Eisa and the captain about the dissent – what’s the story Mr Brook, either you saw it or you didn’t?

Oh, and the Lionesses showed they are just as capable as the men at not taking their chances in big games, but didn’t they do well anyway!

[b]The world outside U’s World[/b]
Amid reports of various co-defendants already allegedly flipping on Trump, and a sham ‘town hall’ for leading republican contenders that was more of a puff piece for who could be more Trump than the absentee Trump, the world was treated to ‘that photo’. In what has been described as the worst jail in the US, Fulton County Sheriff Patrick Labatt was good to his word and arraigned Donald J Trump like any other citizen on the charges brought by DA Fani Willis, including a mugshot that will undoubtedly become an iconic image of our generation. The disillusioned republican mastermind geniuses of [i]The Lincoln Project[/i], committed to removing the blight of Trumpism from their party, weren’t long swinging into action.

As suggested last week, it was no surprise that the monster Lucy Letby was sentenced to a whole-life term in prison. Quite how long her miserable existence will be going forward will probably depend on how well she is protected from other inmates. More alarmingly, other parents are already coming forward convinced that Letby was at least present at, if not involved in, the tragic deaths of their own infants. The nurse appears to have signed the baptism book for one child, and the father of another recognised Letby from media coverage of the trial. Quite how many victims of Letby there are may never be known, unless of course she herself finds a single shred of decency in her otherwise rotten and corrupt soul and confesses.

Internationally, the least expected assassination of Putin’s bloody rule as soviet dictator finally happened, when on the two month anniversary of his attempted ‘coup’, Yevgeny Prigozhin (and nine other technically innocent bystanders) perished as the aircraft he was on, deep in Russian air space, literally fell from the sky. Footage appears to show the plane had lost a wing, but air crash inspectors have yet to confirm quite how so – whether from something on board, or external ‘influences’. I confidently expect the state investigation will ultimately conclude that Ukraine did it – you heard it here first. Prigozhin leaves behind a wife, three children, and 50,000+ really p’ssed off highly trained battle-hardened mercenaries. Good luck Putin.

North of the border, this weekend hundreds are expected to join the biggest organised search for Nessie at Loch Ness in the last 50 years. As well as several hundred at various vantage points on the ground, at least three hundred more will be monitoring live streams from the loch. The modern myth of the Loch Ness Monster began in 1933, when hotel manageress Aldie Mackay claimed she’d seen a "[i]whale-like creature[/i]” in the loch. Most who believe in the myth reckon that Nessie is a form of plesiosaur, though none to date have come up with a satisfactorily plausible explanation how such a creature not only survived the Yucatán extinction event 66 million years ago but has managed to reproduce so many times since then without detection.

[b]”[i]Come in number 9, your time is up[/i]”[/b]

In other news, dozens of Spanish footballers are refusing to play for the women’s national team until football federation president Luis Rubiales is sacked. In an unsolicited and disturbingly creepy fashion, Rubiales planted a kiss on the lips of the unsuspecting forward Jenni Hermoso following Spain’s victory. He has apologised but is refusing to stand down. Brave UK volunteers are needed, after the French government announced they plan to spend €200m to destroy surplus wine. The blame for the surplus has been variously placed on overproduction, the cost of living crisis, and the rise in popularity of craft beer. For those wishing to help out, please join the 4-day Brexit queue at Dover.

[b]U’s World[/b]
Okay, leaving aside our current inability to win games, Ben Garner has announced he’s still in the hunt for not one, not two, but three new signings before the transfer window closes. With Iandolo out for at least 8 weeks and Kels not quite fit yet, one would imagine at least one of those will be in the back line, with our midfield also in dire need of strengthening. What’s the betting one will be another keeper though?

The good news is that Samson has finally served his three match ban following Cardiff, and providing he’s stayed match fit I would expect him to make an appearance today, even if only from the bench. Our U21s continue to show the first team how it should be won, winning their first two back to back, including grinding out a hard-fought 3-2 against a strong Barnsley side midweek, with goals from Oscar Thorn and a brace from Jake Hutchinson.

Jake is a bit of an enigma to be honest, and any who also follow the OMB (given his father posts on there) will know some of the back story (alleged and actual). However, given our struggle to find a prolific goal scorer over the last few seasons (albeit we may have finally unearthed one now in Joe Taylor), Jake has been banging them in for fun at every level he’s been loaned out to play at. And yet, whilst others have had their chance, a first team call-up for Jake has never happened, and by the looks of things, probably never will, with expecting Jake to be released once the transfer window has closed.

I guess it's one of perspective – has for whatever reason the club been overlooking one of their own because they think he’s not up to it (despite evidence to the contrary), or has the club continued to give Jake every possible chance to prove he is up to first team football, chances he hasn’t taken? Perhaps we’ll never know, other than to follow his career if/when he does leave the U’s – slipping into non-league obscurity, or becoming another ‘Joe Taylor’ elsewhere in the football league? Only time will tell I suppose, but it would be nice to see him perform at the senior level just once in a U’s shirt.

[b]Match of the Day
[i]Bristol Rovers v Colchester United
30th January 1999
Nationwide Football League Division 2 (Tier 3)
Attendance 6,249[/i][/b]

For this blog, the memorabilia random match selector has gone back to January 1999, during our first season back in the third tier, or Nationwide Football League Division 2 as it was then, and another West Country adventure. This time it was a trip for me, brother-in-law Steve and nephew James to the Memorial Stadium to watch the U’s face player-manager Ian Holloway’s Bristol Rovers. It was a noteworthy fixture for the U’s as well, being technically the first in charge for Mick Wadsworth (but more on that later), with the U’s just four points and four places clear of the relegation zone.

Having gained promotion via the play-offs, Steve Wignall started the season as U’s manager, but we had struggled for the most part to stay clear of the relegation zone. In January Wignall handed outrageously gifted youngster Trésor Lomana LuaLua his 71st minute debut at Saltergate, and although the U’s lost 3-1, LuaLua was the star for the U’s, running the Spireites ragged and scoring our consolation goal. Post-match the Chesterfield captain remarked "[i]I don’t know who that was they brought on, but I’m glad he didn’t play for the whole match![/i]”.

The following Friday, after another 3-1 battering at home to Wrexham, Wignall admitted defeat and stood down, stating that he’d taken the club as far as he could, whilst also prophetically expressing his frustration at the influence of agents in the game. Steve Whitton took control as caretaker, and despite earning an excellent 3-3 draw at promotion chasing Stoke City, Peter Heard decided to appoint Mick Wadsworth, with Whitts eventually reverting to Assistant Manager, though he took a while to accept that position.

Well, I say Wadsworth was in charge, and all records appear to indicate this was his debut (even the faultless ColUData website), but if memory serves Whitton and his assistant Micky Cook were actually still in charge for the trip to Brizzle, with Wadsworth observing from the stand (a bit like Ross Embleton last March at Valley Parade, with Ben Garner in the stand). Incidentally, we were reported to have paid £25k compensation to Wadsworth’s previous club Scarborough when appointing him – money well spent?

For his ‘debut’ as manager, Wadsworth (or Whitts) lined the U’s up as follows:
1….Carl Emberson
2….Joe Dunne
3….Simon Betts
4….Geraint Williams
5….David Greene
6….Paul Buckle
7….Richard Wilkins (12. Jason Dozzell 25’)
8….David Gregory
9….Aaron Skelton
10..Neil Gregory (14. Trésor Lomana LuaLua 75’)
11..Karl Duguid (13. Paul Abrahams 72’)

With Steve and James over for the weekend, we drove across to Bristol for the game, to join several hundred more gathered on the open terrace to see if the U’s could pull further away from relegation or get sucked back in again. Pre-match, with the U’s out warming up, James managed to attract the attention of LuaLua, who was happy to oblige the request and sign James’ programme for him. I remember telling him to hold on to that, as it might be worth a few quid one day – I wonder if he ever did?

Bristol Rovers weren’t exactly pulling up trees either and were only one place and three points ahead of the U’s. This was despite boasting a forward line of local boy Jamie Cureton and Jason Roberts, and with good players throughout their squad (including player-manager Holloway himself). However, right from the start they showed the threat they possessed, clearly controlling the game and keeping the U’s for the most part penned into their own half, albeit on a bit of a mare for a pitch (football and rugby are never easy bedfellows).

Our cause wasn’t helped early on, with Richard ‘Mr Colchester United’ Wilkins going off injured on 25 minutes, to be replaced by the aging but talented class act that was Jason Dozzell. I’m not suggesting there was a connection between the two events, but three minutes later Bristol Rovers were in front, with a goal scored by none other than Jason Roberts. Not unexpected, and certainly not against the run of play, but rather than being the catalyst for the flood gates to open, it injected some real grit and determination back into the U’s. From then to the end of the half, it was the U’s who were looking more likely to score next, and by halftime there was genuine optimism amongst the Faithful that we could get back into the game.

Into the second half, and the U’s continued to give as good as they got against Bristol Rovers, although to be fair the Gas did miss a couple of clear-cut chances early on. Overall though, it was becoming an entertaining game to watch, but still we couldn’t find that elusive goal. On 72 minutes Whitton made the first change, swapping Paul Abrahams for Doogie, though in truth on the terrace we’d been hoping for a while it was going to be LuaLua (no disrespect Paul). However, we didn’t have to wait long, and three minutes late he was on, replacing tiring Neil Gregory.

And this was the real turning point – suddenly the Rovers defence were utter discombobulated, they simply had no idea how to deal with LuaLua. Wave upon wave of attacks rolled over their beleaguered defence, who somehow, including some excellent goalkeeping from talented Lee Jones, were managing to just about hold on. With ten minutes to go, to combat the new threat of LuaLua, Holloway made a double substitution to bring on defender Mike Trought and Rovers old boy midfielder Gary Penrice, now towards the end of his career.

But finally, the pressure broke, and in quite a controversial fashion. David Gregory took a tumble in the box under a challenge from Andy Thomson, and though it looked like contact had been made, it looked pretty soft too. What infuriated Holloway, and he didn’t hold back post-match, was the U’s protestations for the penalty which Mr Richards gladly obliged and pointed the spot, claiming we’d been moaning at the ref all game. David Gregory picked himself, dusted himself down, and in the 88th minute calmly and confidently equalised for the U’s, sending the away terrace into pandemonium.

And still there was time to continue laying siege to their goal, with Rovers now desperately hanging onto their point, which they did eventually…

[b]Bristol Rovers 1 (Roberts 28’) Colchester United 1 (D Gregory 88’p)[/b]

Post-match, the Rovers supporters I spoke to reckon they’d dodged one that afternoon and were certain if LuaLua had been on ten minutes earlier, they’d have lost that game. Incidentally, the following season (December 1999) the U’s lost 2-1 at the Memorial Stadium (I was there again), despite yet another masterclass off the bench from LuaLua. He was applauded off the pitch by the home support and named their man-of-the-match. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, the football supporters of Bristol (both colours) are a class act at times.

The U’s went on to finish the season two points and three places outside the relegation zone. There are some who state that we wouldn’t have avoided relegation without the appointment of Mick Wadsworth, and of course it’s impossible to know otherwise without a time machine. We finished in a worse position than when Wadsworth took over, that much is fact, but would we have survived – who knows?

I personally think we would have come good with Wignall in charge, particularly with the newly discovered talent of LuaLua, but again we’ll never know. One final point, apropos nothing, with Wignall bemoaning the influence of football agents on his departure, Wadsworth’s son Greg is a football agent…

[b]Up the U’s![/b]

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