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I’ve just started a new job in a massive corporate style, 600 person office floor. It’s going great but recently I’ve noticed a Brentford fan in the desk opposite.
I know he is a Brentford fan because he puts his fcking Brentford coffee mug face out for everyone to see, and I hear him crowbar Brentford into every conversation with anyone who has the misfortune to have to engage with him.
I must stress I have never spoken to this man, nor know his name.
As you know, Brentford have had a recent and hopefully temporary change in fortunes, upgrading from a provincial transport outpost to pretty stable Premiership outfit.
In times past I would have laughed to myself, or possibly engineered a conversation that would bring up their weekend loss to Rochdale or Aldershot in front of 600 real ale fans and coked up Heathrow baggage handlers.
Sadly, my own team, superior to Brentford in every way for the majority of the previous 120 years could not find the net if they spent the weekend on a fishing trawler.
Should I give in to my urges and spend £800 on 600 QPR mugs and fill the office with a daily reminder (albeit false) that we are fcking massive.
Yours in Strife,
BazzaInTheLoft
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 10:56]
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Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 09:19 - Nov 28 with 3998 views
I think you should continue sending him to Coventry Baz.
Or place two clippings on your desk for him to see, both from the 1965/66 season, witha heading of "Class is Permanent". First match of the season & Brentford beat us 6-1, followed by the final league table - Rangers 3rd & brentford relegated!
2
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 09:24 - Nov 28 with 3966 views
Could you have that mash-up shirt you ordered framed and prop it up on you desk?
"Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1."
5
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 09:54 - Nov 28 with 3873 views
Could we turn it into one of our legendary cartoon strips please?
Do you happen to have a curvaceous fellow female employee who we could photograph listening to your mug dilemma whilst propping suggestively on your desk? For some reason, her bra would be on show.
Regards
Dierdre.
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 9:54]
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Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 10:13 - Nov 28 with 3798 views
Speak to this man. You may be pleasantly surprised and find that you have more in common with him than you would think. Why not suggest a coffee in the work canteen, or an after-work drink in a local bar? Then, once you have befriended him, smash his mug and jam it into his throat.
2
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 10:19 - Nov 28 with 3772 views
If you talk to anyone from Brentford about the car parking at the new Morrison’s in Brentford, they tend to lose it big time. His ensuing outburst might just get him the sack.
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 09:23 - Nov 28 by terryb
I think you should continue sending him to Coventry Baz.
Or place two clippings on your desk for him to see, both from the 1965/66 season, witha heading of "Class is Permanent". First match of the season & Brentford beat us 6-1, followed by the final league table - Rangers 3rd & brentford relegated!
You got anything I can use that was in a period when Stanley Matthews and Tom Finney weren’t strutting around? My go to is Bircham’s last minute winner.
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 10:49]
0
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 10:48 - Nov 28 with 3671 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 09:54 - Nov 28 by GaryBannister86
Dear Bazza
Thanks for writing in to Dear Dierdre.
Could we turn it into one of our legendary cartoon strips please?
Do you happen to have a curvaceous fellow female employee who we could photograph listening to your mug dilemma whilst propping suggestively on your desk? For some reason, her bra would be on show.
Regards
Dierdre.
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 9:54]
One for Danny Paddox I think!
0
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 11:13 - Nov 28 with 3586 views
That said, I wouldn't have a problem with him at all. I only have a problem with people who support big clubs. F*ck them and their entitled bullshit. WAH WE FINISHED SECOND. We're staring down the barrel of oblivion every f*cking year.
So when I meet someone who supports a normal club be it them or even some c*nt who likes West Ham (who I f**king hate), I have a little respect that they're at least a real person and not some f**king 'half and half scarf, Sky TV, phoning up Talksport when Liverpool lose demanding football gets all its rules and regulations rewritten, VAR moaning, out of touch, seen us win actual silverware' C*NT.
As long as he's not some sort of 'banter' c*nt then bide your time, Baz. Football for most teams is a cyclical thing. Not for the big clubs and not for cursed clubs like ours. But other clubs come and they f**king go.
Sure, they're the hot new thing now but f*cking STOKE, f*cking LEICESTER, f*ckin SWANSEA, f*cking SOUTHAMPTON. All had moments of being either good or at least consistent and now they're drinking piss again. Not as bad as us, but we're f**ked.
MARK MY WORDS. There's a bartender just over there and he's serving up a big gallon jug of piss with Brentford stamped on the side. It's just brewing now but they'll be taking gulps of that yellowy steaming piss before you know it. Piss with everything! Here are your crisps. Here's your bowl of chips. Here's your two for £15 Thursday curry night special. No, sorry, the meal deal comes with PISS JUG and it can't be swapped out.
Can I swap out the chips for sweet potato fries? Yes! You can. And here are four more shot glasses full of piss. BE READY TO SUP IT UP.
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 11:17]
Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah, his crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore.
11
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 11:25 - Nov 28 with 3539 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 11:13 - Nov 28 by Bluce_Ree
Dear Baz
You need to shit in the cup.
Yours
Blucedre
That said, I wouldn't have a problem with him at all. I only have a problem with people who support big clubs. F*ck them and their entitled bullshit. WAH WE FINISHED SECOND. We're staring down the barrel of oblivion every f*cking year.
So when I meet someone who supports a normal club be it them or even some c*nt who likes West Ham (who I f**king hate), I have a little respect that they're at least a real person and not some f**king 'half and half scarf, Sky TV, phoning up Talksport when Liverpool lose demanding football gets all its rules and regulations rewritten, VAR moaning, out of touch, seen us win actual silverware' C*NT.
As long as he's not some sort of 'banter' c*nt then bide your time, Baz. Football for most teams is a cyclical thing. Not for the big clubs and not for cursed clubs like ours. But other clubs come and they f**king go.
Sure, they're the hot new thing now but f*cking STOKE, f*cking LEICESTER, f*ckin SWANSEA, f*cking SOUTHAMPTON. All had moments of being either good or at least consistent and now they're drinking piss again. Not as bad as us, but we're f**ked.
MARK MY WORDS. There's a bartender just over there and he's serving up a big gallon jug of piss with Brentford stamped on the side. It's just brewing now but they'll be taking gulps of that yellowy steaming piss before you know it. Piss with everything! Here are your crisps. Here's your bowl of chips. Here's your two for £15 Thursday curry night special. No, sorry, the meal deal comes with PISS JUG and it can't be swapped out.
Can I swap out the chips for sweet potato fries? Yes! You can. And here are four more shot glasses full of piss. BE READY TO SUP IT UP.
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 11:17]
Deardrie refers bluce to Doctor Miriam. Lol etc
Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
0
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 11:59 - Nov 28 with 3464 views
Hopefully he's in that rare minority of proper Brentford long term fans who is actually quite normal, however this could take some time to work out and the office mug does'nt bode well, so.....
1) Ignore / Mute - pretend you hav'nt seen his Brentford mug as Brentford fans crave attention and rivalries, be it with us, Fulham, Watford or Aldershot; what really grinds them is none of the fore-mentioned clubs consider them a rival and tend to just ignore them
2) Authentic / proper fan - to see if he pre-dates their promotions & recent 'success' mention you were at the 2002 Play-Off Final v Stoke at the Millenium Stadium with a Brentford supporting mate - if he was at the game he's authentic - as very few of them were - maybe drop in...'funny I didn't see you there as there was only a few thousand rattling around in that end of the ground'
3) Billy the Bell / PA Announcer - if he is an authentic proper fan, fairplay, if he's a proper decent bloke he'll think these two are a pair of attention seeking bells (my Brentford pals do) so its safe to have the occasional post work beer!
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Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 12:00 - Nov 28 with 3461 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 10:47 - Nov 28 by BazzaInTheLoft
You got anything I can use that was in a period when Stanley Matthews and Tom Finney weren’t strutting around? My go to is Bircham’s last minute winner.
[Post edited 28 Nov 2023 10:49]
Perhaps you could add 2-0 & you f****d it up!
I know there were not too many of us left in the ground to watch Smith & Freeman score, but all the Brentford fans were still in place!
1
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 12:50 - Nov 28 with 3349 views
You could offer to ‘take over’ his mug and ‘merge’ it into a QPR one. You could keep the ‘Queen’s Park rangers’ part of our name, and keep the ‘football club’ part of their name, thereby ensuring an equitable ‘take over’,
Oh, and tell him Peter Gilham said it would be ok.
Dear Brazzain A trip wire on the stairs should sort out your situation! Hopefully this cures this unfortunate situation you find yourself in. Always remember you are loved. Hugs Deirdre
AND WHEN I DREAM , I DREAM ABOUT YOU AND WHEN I SCREAM I SCREAM ABOUT YOU!!!!!
I have been doing this column for nearly 30 years now, and for the first time ever, I am completely at the loss to know how to help. Yes I've had my share of weirdos, sex cases, losers, junkies and idiots contact me and I hope I've been able to provide solace to them in some small way, but a QPR fan? Sorry, but there's just no helping some people.
Normally I would suggest you contact the Samaritans, but they tell me that they're so inundated with your fellow QPR fans these days that even they can't help. David Icke perhaps?
Yours,
Deirdre.
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Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 13:38 - Nov 28 with 3212 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 13:25 - Nov 28 by NewBee
Dear Bazza,
I have been doing this column for nearly 30 years now, and for the first time ever, I am completely at the loss to know how to help. Yes I've had my share of weirdos, sex cases, losers, junkies and idiots contact me and I hope I've been able to provide solace to them in some small way, but a QPR fan? Sorry, but there's just no helping some people.
Normally I would suggest you contact the Samaritans, but they tell me that they're so inundated with your fellow QPR fans these days that even they can't help. David Icke perhaps?
Yours,
Deirdre.
David Icke is convinced the moon is fake.
Mad c*nt, really.
Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah, his crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore.
0
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 13:44 - Nov 28 with 3198 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 12:50 - Nov 28 by Nov77
You could offer to ‘take over’ his mug and ‘merge’ it into a QPR one. You could keep the ‘Queen’s Park rangers’ part of our name, and keep the ‘football club’ part of their name, thereby ensuring an equitable ‘take over’,
Oh, and tell him Peter Gilham said it would be ok.
This I have genuinely considered this.
Getting QPR printed on the bottom of it. Who ever checks the bottom of their mug? And I’ll see it every time his smarmy face takes a sip of coffee (or hopefully Bruce’s piss).
Like burying a QPR scarf in a new stadium but without the potential devastating construction disaster consequences.
0
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 13:50 - Nov 28 with 3182 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 13:44 - Nov 28 by BazzaInTheLoft
This I have genuinely considered this.
Getting QPR printed on the bottom of it. Who ever checks the bottom of their mug? And I’ll see it every time his smarmy face takes a sip of coffee (or hopefully Bruce’s piss).
Like burying a QPR scarf in a new stadium but without the potential devastating construction disaster consequences.
I have a Brentford mate who is a lovely bloke apart from the fact that does not like Rangers. He runs a company called Just Lofts and we used to do his printing and embroidery. We completed his normal order but slipped one in the middle printed “ Just Loftus Road” with a feckin massive 1882 badge on the back. I’ve got a great photo of the joy on his face.
Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
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Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 14:57 - Nov 28 with 3064 views
Dear Deirdre (QPR Edition) on 13:50 - Nov 28 by Mick_S
I have a Brentford mate who is a lovely bloke apart from the fact that does not like Rangers. He runs a company called Just Lofts and we used to do his printing and embroidery. We completed his normal order but slipped one in the middle printed “ Just Loftus Road” with a feckin massive 1882 badge on the back. I’ve got a great photo of the joy on his face.
Mick, be a devil and post the photo here. Puleeeeeeease.
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