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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine 03:22 - Oct 19 with 6736 viewsDavillin

I like to have fun with the outgoing message on my telephone's answering machine, and have done so since my first one

Please allow me to give my two favourites, followed by a question for any of you who have done so also.

1. On there now. You call and get my answering machine, which says first, in an answering machine sonorous voice, "The answering machine is off."

After about 5 or 6 seconds, a softer voice says, "Nah. Just kidding." 5 or seconds after that comes the beep.

2. My all-time favourite from many years ago. My son Mark helped me to record it.

With a very long extension cord, I put the answering machine out in front of my house, right on the curb, with Mark instructed and at the controls.

I put my Norton Commando on the street immediately adjacent to the answering machine, and after giving Mark a silent signal to start recording the outgoing message, I kick started the Norton and gave a bit too much throttle so it really "roared" into life.

I then took it at full throttle and full throat through the gears for about a hundred yards, whereupon Mark, as instructed, stopped recording and let it beep.

When a caller got my answering machine, what he heard was one hellishly loud motorcycle snarling away.

No further information or message. Perhaps it required a bit of a poet to get the message, but I don't care. I got it.

p.s. I wish i still had that tape recording. Perhaps I do, in some long-lost box.

Have any of you done a madman outgoing message that you'd like to share?
[Post edited 19 Oct 2017 3:24]

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 08:41 - Oct 19 with 6668 viewswhoflungdung

Any man with a Norton Commando is alright with me


Better still , A Triton



We had a motor cycle industry the envy of the world Tone, then became complacent


Rest is history

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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 10:36 - Oct 19 with 6622 viewsSTID2017

My nephew had his voice recorded saying "Hello? Hello? ..." about 10 times.
The amount of people that hung up thinking it was a faulty line was beyond counting.

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination" - Mark Twain
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 11:20 - Oct 19 with 6603 viewsGreatBritton

I used to have "This machine is being used to screen calls. Feel free to leave a message ifyou so desire."
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 11:30 - Oct 19 with 6594 viewsBanosswan


This has been mine for about fifteen years.

Ever since my son was... never conceived, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 11:53 - Oct 19 with 6578 viewsLoyal

Fckd hell Dav I bet the winter nights fly by in your house !

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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 18:52 - Oct 19 with 6509 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 08:41 - Oct 19 by whoflungdung

Any man with a Norton Commando is alright with me


Better still , A Triton



We had a motor cycle industry the envy of the world Tone, then became complacent


Rest is history


Sadly, my friend, I am one with no motorcycles at all now. Knees and hips vetoed any more riding.

p.s. At one time or another, I had a '72 Commando [purchased new in 1972, and my first British bike], a 75 850, and a '60-something Norton Electra [really a Matchless with a Norton engine], as well as a BSA Star, a '67 Bonneville, and a '69 Bonnie [the last three restored by me], and another '72 Norton partially restored by me and finished by my eldest.

It would result in a massive stroke if I tried to decide which was my favourite. Which were my six favourites, for that matter.

I look at their photographs sometimes. Sad isn't it?

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 18:56 - Oct 19 with 6506 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 10:36 - Oct 19 by STID2017

My nephew had his voice recorded saying "Hello? Hello? ..." about 10 times.
The amount of people that hung up thinking it was a faulty line was beyond counting.


If you wish, you may tell your nephew that Davillin was murderously envious upon hearing that one!

Superb.

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 18:58 - Oct 19 with 6504 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 08:41 - Oct 19 by whoflungdung

Any man with a Norton Commando is alright with me


Better still , A Triton



We had a motor cycle industry the envy of the world Tone, then became complacent


Rest is history


May I amend your last sentence to:

Rest is pointless.

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 19:15 - Oct 19 with 6494 viewswhoflungdung

T120?

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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 19:20 - Oct 19 with 6491 viewsFlashberryjack

I can't understand why anyone would switch the answer phone on if they didn't want to receive messages ..........is it just me that think thats odd

Hello
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 20:47 - Oct 19 with 6443 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 19:20 - Oct 19 by Flashberryjack

I can't understand why anyone would switch the answer phone on if they didn't want to receive messages ..........is it just me that think thats odd


Perhaps it appears odd because you aren't in tune with the owner.

In my case, my family and friends know that all they have to do is to laugh, then wait for the silliness to end, and at the inevitable "beep," leave their message. Unwanted callers, mystified, just hang up, as intended.

It works.

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 21:03 - Oct 19 with 6429 viewsFlashberryjack

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 20:47 - Oct 19 by Davillin

Perhaps it appears odd because you aren't in tune with the owner.

In my case, my family and friends know that all they have to do is to laugh, then wait for the silliness to end, and at the inevitable "beep," leave their message. Unwanted callers, mystified, just hang up, as intended.

It works.


How do you know they're unwanted callers if they don't leave a message ?

Hello
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 07:13 - Oct 20 with 6358 viewsSTID2017

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 21:03 - Oct 19 by Flashberryjack

How do you know they're unwanted callers if they don't leave a message ?


Exactly.
It could be Ricky from Windows just trying to help you repair the computer you haven't got or Sue telling you that you've won $10,000 dollars and if you just give your checking details ....

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination" - Mark Twain
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 17:23 - Oct 20 with 6281 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 21:03 - Oct 19 by Flashberryjack

How do you know they're unwanted callers if they don't leave a message ?


Everyone not family or friend is automatically "unwanted." Do you think I didn't think that all out?

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 17:24 - Oct 20 with 6279 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 07:13 - Oct 20 by STID2017

Exactly.
It could be Ricky from Windows just trying to help you repair the computer you haven't got or Sue telling you that you've won $10,000 dollars and if you just give your checking details ....


Now YOU understand.

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 18:41 - Oct 20 with 6254 viewsHighjack

I had a bloke phone up asking me if I had ever worked in a noisy environment for more than two years. I kept asking him to repeat things because my hearing isn't very good for about ten minutes before he got pissed off and hung up.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 23:55 - Oct 21 with 6172 viewsDavillin

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 18:41 - Oct 20 by Highjack

I had a bloke phone up asking me if I had ever worked in a noisy environment for more than two years. I kept asking him to repeat things because my hearing isn't very good for about ten minutes before he got pissed off and hung up.


A woman called me and asked to speak with the head of the household. [My voice cannot be mistaken for a woman's.]

I answered, "There is no 'head of the household here.' We're all equal."

I waited for a response, but hearing none, I hung up.

I could have called my dog over, said, "Here, bitch, it's for you," and put the receiver near her ear, but it didn't occur to me until I had hung up.

I don't care. I'm old. I don't have to.
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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 00:15 - Oct 22 with 6154 viewsLeonWasGod

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 18:41 - Oct 20 by Highjack

I had a bloke phone up asking me if I had ever worked in a noisy environment for more than two years. I kept asking him to repeat things because my hearing isn't very good for about ten minutes before he got pissed off and hung up.


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Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 10:48 - Oct 22 with 6101 viewsunion_jack

Outgoing message on your telephone's answering machcine on 08:41 - Oct 19 by whoflungdung

Any man with a Norton Commando is alright with me


Better still , A Triton



We had a motor cycle industry the envy of the world Tone, then became complacent


Rest is history


That sounds familiar!

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