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Your weekend TV highlights...
at 15:10 19 Oct 2023

5.30pm: READY STEADY COOK!
Gareth from West London has a challenge to serve up something vaguely palatable. He's got one interesting ingredient from Morrocco, but otherwise he is limited to a few limp vegetables (some of which are past their prime). Also on the show, pensioner Bernie from Monaco says he's going to cook the books (allegedly).

6.00pm: SHREK
The Emperor of the Blunoses decides to impress his clan by appointing Shrek as his new King, however most of the natives are unimpressed. Shrek decides to try to cheer everyone up by bringing his old pal Donkey back - prompting Emile Heskey to go searching for his boots. Further comedy capers follow when the Emperor receives a hefty invoice from the 'Midlands Milfs Modelling Agency'.

8.00pm: TITANIC
Big budget distaster. The chairman of the Blue & White Line insists that his vessel is unsinkable, but many of the 12,000 or so regular passengers have their doubts. Things unravel as a young lookout boy called Zyed falls asleep on duty, but captain Ainsworth promises to steady the ship once he has finished band practice.
As things get worse, the chairman issues a 'calling all investors' distress call, but the only person to respond is an elderly trawlerman (played by Dejphon Chansiri), who says his own boat 'The Owl' is sinking even faster.
Cast:
Captain Ainsworth: Ozzy Osborne
Boy on burning deck: Lee Hoos
First man in lifeboat: Neil Critchley
Iceberg: Financial Fair Play Committee

10.30pm: IN CONCERT
Smooth talking crooner Michael Beable performs live at the Powerpoint Arena as part of his Blind Ambition tour with his backing band The Spreadsheets. As always, it's a complete sell out as Michael performs some of his most popular hits such as 'Nothing Compares 2 Me', 'I'm So Vain', 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word', 'I Wanna Kiss The Clyde' and 'We Aren't The Champions'. There is also a rousing edition of 'The Final Letdown' (featuring Europe).

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The anagram Championship
at 13:28 9 Jul 2023

Lightening the mood (and it's a rainy Sunday)...

A BIMBO CLOWN WITHERS
A BITCHY RIMMING
A POSH MUTTON
CYNIC TORY VET
CUT HILLY
DAFFY CRITIC
DAFT ROW
DAWDLE DEFENSE FISHY
HITHERTO UNARMED
I ERECTILE CYST
INSECTS AWAY
LARDED NUNS
OH DRUGS BE MILD
ORGY HUMP LATELY
PITCH IN WOWS
PRANKS ANGER QUEERS
SHREDDED UNFIT OWL
SLUT I NEEDED
SOB LYRIC TIT
STICKY TOE
TENTED HORNS PORN
THIN ICY CROW
VERBALS BURN CORK
WLLLL I AM

Gareth Ainsworth = A SWARTHIER THONG (or ARENA SH*T GROWTH) and Seny Dieng = NEEDY SIGN.

Needy indeed....

[Post edited 9 Jul 2023 17:44]

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Neil Taylor from Aston Villa
at 10:09 13 May 2021

Sorry if a Spackman....

My Villa mate reckons we're in for him. Being released by Villa.

He's got 2 arms, 2 legs, a head and a face - so very much in line with the sort of players we've being bringing in recently. The Sun seems to think Stoke and a couple of Turkish clubs also interested.

More in the dark than in the know, but thought I'd throw it in to the ring.

To thank my mate for the info I suggested that he liquidates all his assets and puts it all on the Hoops getting promoted next season. He asked if I meant Reading....

Charming.

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LFW new logo
at 14:48 25 Jul 2020

Liking the new logo, Clive - maybe a range of limited edition T-shirts so that those of us in the club can give a knowing nod to fellow posters?

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