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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 88909 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:20 - Jun 8 with 3285 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:39 - Jun 8 by sainthelens

Went to the pharmacist and asked for some viagra.
" why" he said and " have you got a script from yer GP"?

I replied....' no, but I got a picture of my wife.'


Thieves stole a truck full of viagra this morning...

Police have asked the public to keep an eye out for hardened criminals.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:14 - Jun 9 with 3143 viewsMuteswan

Someone said that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables.

I think that’s not nececelery true.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:31 - Jun 10 with 3078 viewsHighjack

I bought my wife a new elephant for her room. She said thanks. I said don’t mention it.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:48 - Jun 10 with 3073 viewsdickythorpe

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:14 - Jun 9 by Muteswan

Someone said that it’s impossible to make a pun about vegetables.

I think that’s not nececelery true.


Lettuce be grateful for that!
[Post edited 10 Jun 2020 7:49]
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:36 - Jun 10 with 3052 viewsJoe_bradshaw

You wait 15 pages for a vegetable joke and then two turnip at once.

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:40 - Jun 10 with 3024 viewsdickythorpe

Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:36 - Jun 10 by Joe_bradshaw

You wait 15 pages for a vegetable joke and then two turnip at once.


This type of humour needs to be rooted out.
Some might say it's needs to be beet out of a person.
Taters or leave it.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:47 - Jun 10 with 3019 viewsJoe_bradshaw

Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:40 - Jun 10 by dickythorpe

This type of humour needs to be rooted out.
Some might say it's needs to be beet out of a person.
Taters or leave it.


Making jokes like that will result in you being carroted to death.

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:00 - Jun 10 with 3013 viewsairedale

Have these bean done before?
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:17 - Jun 10 with 3005 viewsMuteswan

Bean there, done that. Onion special occasions. Lettuce squash it before it gets corny.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:41 - Jun 10 with 2937 viewsWxmJax

I always wanted to be an astronaut just like my dad.
He always wanted to be an astronaut as well.

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:53 - Jun 11 with 2810 viewsMuteswan

Finding lost luggage at the airport should be straightforward...

However, that’s not the case.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:18 - Jun 11 with 2790 viewstheloneranger

"CONFESSIONS OF A HOOKER"

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary, when the wife says ...

”Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years”

The husband ponders for a moment, and then looks into his wife's eyes and says ...

“My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years. I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit??"

She replied , “I don't think you understand. My name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales “ ...!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:20 - Jun 11 with 2747 viewsWxmJax

If anyone wants a copy of Osteopath Weekly I have back issues

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:24 - Jun 11 with 2737 viewsWxmJax

I told the doctor that I have a phobia about apple trees.

He said "grow a pear".

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:53 - Jun 11 with 2660 viewsMuteswan

My four year old has been learning Spanish. He still can’t say ”please” though, which I think is poor for four.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:48 - Jun 12 with 2573 viewsSwanjaxs

I had a bad dream last night. I was in a fight with the Grim Reaper but managed to hit him on the head with the hoover. Talk about Dyson with death.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:56 - Jun 12 with 2564 viewsMuteswan

I keep getting phone calls from the furniture shop.

All I wanted was one night stand. 🙄
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:14 - Jun 12 with 2554 viewsWxmJax

I wish people would stop using the same word twice in one sentence. Enough is enough.

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:18 - Jun 12 with 2547 viewsSwanjaxs

I've told you a million times, stop exaggerating.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:04 - Jun 12 with 2517 viewsMuteswan

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:32 - Jun 12 with 2441 viewsMuteswan

The only thing Flat-Earthers fear is Sphere itself.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - Jun 12 with 2430 viewsWarwickHunt

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:04 - Jun 12 by Muteswan

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.


What’s Postman Pat called now he’s retired?











Pat.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:41 - Jun 12 with 2428 viewsMuteswan

William Shatner has discontinued his range of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner Panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.😳
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:10 - Jun 12 with 2374 viewsDJack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:41 - Jun 12 by Muteswan

William Shatner has discontinued his range of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner Panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.😳



It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:18 - Jun 13 with 2197 viewsWxmJax

I bought a map of the World, gave the missus a dart to throw and said wherever it lands we're going there on holiday after this pandemic is over. Turns out we're going to be spending a fortnight behind the fridge.

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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