The question of whether two grown men will have to shake hands before Chelsea v QPR this weekend is sadly overshadowing the build up to a monumentally important game for both teams.
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I strongly suspect that back in the day when your football news and opinion came in the form of a newspaper delivered to your house once a day that the question of whether or not Anton Ferdinand will shake John Terry’s hand this weekend would have occupied no more than a small nib box or picture caption alongside a rather more lengthy article about just how crucial the actual match between Chelsea and QPR is this Sunday.
In the blue corner we have the Champions League and FA Cup finalists who must somehow refocus and find energy after herculean midweek efforts in Barcelona to take enough points from two tricky league games this week to secure a fourth place finish in the Premier League. Without it, only beating Bayern in Munich in May will ensure they compete in Roman Abramovic’s pet project next year.
And in the red and white corner (a long overdue appearance for QPR’s splendid third kit this weekend) we have a team that once thought 32 points would keep them up but now have 34 and are rightly of the opinion that 37 is a minimum requirement for Premiership salvation and all the riches and, in QPR’s case, new academy and training ground that will bring.
Oh, and they don’t like each other much either. Only Monday night’s epic all-Manchester clash keeps Chelsea v QPR from top of the bill this weekend.
When air time and column inches for football was scarce the key was focusing on what was important, now we’re swimming in both the trick is to exaggerate the trivial for all it’s worth and milk every last drop of coverage out of any morsel of “news” you can lay your hands on. This week, rather than debate the merits of a game of football, the focus has been on whether a handshake takes place or not.
Of course back in the day when people relied on newspapers for their football coverage we didn’t shake hands before the match at all, we shook them after if we felt it appropriate given what had gone before and the game was no better or worse off for that.
The modern game, among its many failings, has a thirst for the trivial and irrelevant. Last March, just prior to the furore over the Frank Lampard goal that never was against Germany, top of the agenda at the meeting FIFA International Board, which could bring goal line technology in tomorrow if it wanted to, was the wearing of snoods by players during the winter and the potential safety issues of that. Snoods were banned incidentally. Bad snoods. Second item on the agenda was the burning debate about round and square goal posts. You think I’m joking? I’m not.
And the Premier League, which joins the FA on its high horse about goal line technology whenever Martin Atkinson mistakes a goal for something else or something else for a goal, is just as bad. Club finances, poor development of young players, the state of the national team, the chronic shortage of referees, racism, sexism, homophobia, goal line technology – we’re not short of very worthy issues that need to be addressed and dealt with in this country. What does the Premier League do instead? Well, they insist that the teams line up before kick off and shake the hand of every other player, official, mascot and sponsor while that happy, clappy, bouncy, everything is just fucking wonderful Premier League theme music plays at ear splitting volume over the tannoy. Vitally important stuff.
Given the recent ruling by the European court that the actual matches themselves cannot be copyrighted for the purpose of broadcast, but the surrounding paraphernalia and pre-match build up can be, a cynic may suggest that the hideous piece of music and limp wristed handshakes we’re subjected to every week is something that’s been introduced so the Premier League can copyright it and charge for it. But our beloved league chief executive Richard Scudamore, who once infamously described himself as a man who “dwells in the future”, says that just isn’t so.
Scudamore says: "It's not a handshake that says everybody loves everybody else. It's a handshake that says 'whatever's gone on before now and whatever will go on after this game is over, for the next 90 minutes, let's just play a game of football'.”
Which, roughly translated, means it’s a load of bollocks. After all Ashley Young shook Shaun Derry’s hand at Old Trafford a fortnight ago and then exactly 16 minutes later dived swan-like through thin air to con him out of a penalty, an opening goal, and a sending off. Bradley Johnson shook Joey Barton’s hand in January and then half an hour later clutched his face pretending Barton head headbutted him so the QPR man was sent off. And Samba Diakite shook the hand of each and every Fulham player in March before performing more brutal knee cappings on each of them in half an hour then even the most extreme member of the Real IRA would complete in a life time.
The handshakes, much like the ‘Respect’ initiative, have made no difference for better or worse to the players’ behaviour and therefore it’s an irrelevance. A waste of time. It annoys me that Chelsea’s remarkable turnaround in fortunes this season, and QPR’s miraculous comeback from the dead over the past few months, have been largely overshadowed in the build up by whether one bloke shakes hands with another bloke at the behest of Richard chuffing Scudamore.
But, as everybody else has an opinion on this, I may as well express mine. If that squinty eyed, womanising, accused racist tosser came within three feet of me on Sunday offering to shake my hand I’d tell him to stuff it up his arse. And as it seems most of the QPR players feel the same the league has, belatedly, cancelled this most pointless of rituals. Sadly, it’s for one week only.
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Team News: An eighth sending off of the season for QPR last week means another suspension to deal with this weekend. Adel Taarabt has a one game ban for his red card against Spurs and Mark Hughes isn’t short of options to replace him on the left of the attack. Djibril Cisse, himself just back from a four game ban, looks the favourite but Armand Traore and Akos Buzsaky are in with a shout and Shaun Wright-Phillips could also play against his former club. Elsewhere we’re unlikely to see many changes with the back four settled and the tight three man midfield all available, as long as Samba Diakite has recovered from the knock he picked up last week. Ale Faurlin is the long term absentee.
Bring your boots and you might get a game for Chelsea in defence. Gary Cahill limped out of the midweek success in Barcelona with a hamstring issue that is almost certain to rule him out and he joins fellow centre back David Luiz on the sidelines. Branislav Ivanovic is suspended (God, I feel like Geoff Shreeves) leaving Roberto Di Matteo to pick a back four of Paulo Ferreira, Jose Bosingwa, John Terry and either Ashley Cole or Ryan Bertrand.
Elsewhere: These Saturdays when QPR don’t play are hellish. Like a session of colonic irrigation, shit you don’t want to see is flushed out in front of your eyes by Jeff Stelling.
Every game involving a team at the bottom is vital at this stage of the season but this weekend has a pivotal look about it – bizarrely every team in trouble has a fixture they should lose but could easily win. Our match on Sunday is followed by Blackburn’s trip to Spurs which would, three months ago, have been an obvious home win but Redknapp has loose cannons rolling around his deck in various directions and appears to have lost control. Anything could happen there, as it could on Saturday with Wigan hosting in form Newcastle and Bolton going to a strong Sunderland team. In all three games nothing – home win, draw or away win – would surprise me at all.
And what of Aston Villa? Beset by injuries, without a win in seven games, beaten by Bolton during the week and now just three points away from the relegation zone and two from QPR. This week they go to West Brom who, unlike many of the midtable teams, haven’t seemed in much mood for summer holidays just yet with recent wins at Liverpool and against our good selves. Another defeat and victories for the teams below them will have Villa in a real pickle with games remaining at home to Spurs and away at Norwich.
Things are just as nail biting at the top where the title could well be decided on Monday when Man Utd visit Man City. Arsenal can cement third with a win at Stoke, who really do seem to have put the cue on the rack but will no doubt suddenly find a second wind next weekend. Chelsea wait on results from Spurs at home to Blackburn and Newcastle at Wigan.
In other news Liverpool are at Norwich, Swansea are playing Wolves and Fulham are going to Everton for the respective amusements and want of something better to do with their time.
Referee: Thankfully, although the authorities still seem to think Martin Atkinson is a man for the big game occasion and that Lee Mason is an appropriate choice to be fourth official at our game this weekend, we have Howard Webb in charge for this one. Webb, of course, refereed the last World Cup final and has been really on top of his game in his last two QPR appointments, earning 9/10 ratings from LFW for his performances in our win against Liverpool and defeat at home to Man Utd. For his full QPR case file please click here.
Chelsea: In a carbon copy of the run Guus Hiddink went on when he took over for half a season in 2008/09, Chelsea have lost only once under the caretaker managership of Roberto Di Matteo. In 15 games in charge so far he has won ten and drawn four, losing only at fortress Eastlands against Man City in the process. QPR will be praying for fatigue in their hosts – they’ve played five times since April 9 starting with a real workout in a derby game with Fulham and including a trip to Arsenal, and FA Cup semi final with Spurs and the Barcelona saga. Three of those five games have ended in draws which might not be a bad bet for this game. At home Chelsea have won seven and drawn three of ten games since Aston Villa won here on New Year’s Eve.
QPR: Rangers have been running a win-lose-win-lose pattern for a month now and defeat here at Stamford Bridge will extend that into an eighth match. The problem is having turned the season around with four consecutive home wins, they just cannot buy a point on the road and haven’t won in 11 attempts since success at Stoke before Christmas. They have lost seven of their last eight and picked up just a single point from seven road games since Mark Hughes took over as manager. In brighter news having gone 25 matches without a clean sheet since the 1-0 win against Chelsea in October, the R’s have now recorded two shut outs in three matches. No team has ever had as many players sent off at home in a single Premiership season as QPR this year (six) and the club’s overall total of eight red cards is just one away from the all time Premiership record which is held by the 2009/10 Sunderland team.
Betting: Professional odds compiler Owen Goulding tells LFW…
After what was a very disappointing night on Tuesday for the QPR faithful, Rangers travel to Champions League finalists Chelsea in a game where any points gained will be very gratefully received. Prior to Bolton's win at Villa on Tuesday, this game probably had less significance, with Stoke looking like an all or nothing encounter. However, the three points picked up by Bolton means Rangers need for something from this fixture certainly seem more important.
QPR have been dreadful away from home - they have the worst away points haul in the League picking up just 11 (and ten of those were gained whilst Warnock was in charge), and it’s hard to see that stat changing with trips to Stamford Bridge and Eastlands to come. As a compiler, this isn't a massive surprise. Mark Hughes teams have always performed well at home, but his insistence on playing for draws away from home has backfired at previous clubs and is backfiring spectacularly this season. His away record as a manager since leaving Blackburn makes very poor reading. He presided over a total of four Premier league away wins during his year and a half in charge of Man City and, despite leading Fulham into Europe, during his year there he only managed three away wins the entire season. It is clear to see watching QPR away from home that we seem to play with a fear of losing. Now is not the time for that fear to be an issue.
A lot is being said of how Chelsea will react after such a monumental effort from them on Tuesday. However, although concentration levels were high amongst the Chelsea team in Barcelona, I don't buy into the theory they will be physically drained. If anything, they exerted less physical effort than they do usually. It was a case of lining nine men up and very little movement. The injuries are, however, a cause for concern for them. The glimmer of light is the Chelsea injury list. Without Luiz, Ivanovic, Cahill etc there are points to be gained here. Chelsea may well have one eye on the Newcastle game on Wednesday also so I for one think QPR look a big price here. It may be a lot to ask QPR to go there and win, and Hughes managerial record away from home is not filling me with confidence, but with a possible 'after the Lord Mayors Show' and a strong QPR side - with either Cisse or Traore likely to come in for Taarabt - the 6/1 QPR Draw no Bet (money back if it;s a draw) seems a reasonable wager. If Cahill misses out also, I will be having a small wager on Clint Hill to score at anytime at 20/1 with William Hill. I just pray that our set-pieces don’t revert to the pathetic efforts they were prior to Taarabt taking responsibility.
Bet of the weekend - QPR Draw No Bet @6/1 Stan James, also if Cahill misses out, Clint Hill To Score Anytime- 20/1 Will Hill or Skybet.
Prediction: Amazing to think that a couple of months ago it didn’t look like much more than 30 points would be required to survive and now it seems 37 might not be enough – the turnaround in form of QPR, Blackburn, Wigan and potentially now Bolton as well has been remarkable. If Rangers get 38 points, they’re safe, and they could take a giant leap towards that with even a draw here. In what is probably the least important game Chelsea have left, and coming so soon after their midweek heroics, I don’t think a stalemate here is beyond us.
4/1 the draw with Stan James, Victor Chandler, Blue Square and others
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