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During Jose's annual medical this morning the team was shocked to hear agonising screams coming from the Eva Carneiro’s consulting room. Assuming Jose had completely lost the plot Eden Hazard kicked the door down (it was open but it reminded him of a bellboy ...) only find Mourinho curled up and weeping pitifully on the floor. An apologetic Eva explained, "My English is not so good ... but I can see now the recommendation from the infirmary says 'prick his boil'!"