I Like Dom Ball by Dorse 26 Mar 2022 17:01
To most people on here, this is not news. I basically mention him every week, spreading lies, half-truths and outright bullshit about his latest art installations, spoken word albums etc. Again, not news. However, I don't think I've ever explained why.

Je suis Dom Ball.

No, seriously. I am not Dom Ball in the literal sense but I feel like Dom Ball represents us better than just about anyone I can think of since than Ollie's first stint. Dom is not the most naturally-gifted player but the way he approaches each game is exactly the way any one of us would. Imagine it: we get the call. 'Dorse, Yoann's injured today but he reckons you could do a shift. What do you reckon? You up for it?'

F U C K Y E S B O S S

That's Dom. Right back? Give it a go. Defensive mid? I could do that. You get feeling that if Warbs asked him to guard a tree in his garden overnight, Dom would be putting on his shinpads and headtorch before he'd finished speaking. And that'd be me too. If I got the chance to pull in the hoops - just once! -I'd play exactly like him. Like the luckiest bloke in the world. Like a guy who has been told to enjoy it, you might never do this again.

I would also get a yellow card in the first 8 seconds (due to overexcitement). Dom, I get it mate. I really do.

Look at his face throughout the second half when he got called on to replace Barbet: he looked like he was having the time of his life. 'Dom? Scarlett Johansen's on the phone for you'. In a minute, tell her I'm busy.

Added to this, when he's not being who I would want to be on the field, he's being who I would want to be off it. Community work, food banks. The Dominator even won an award for it last season. Think about it: the only QPR player who won anything last season was Dom Ball. I mean, apart from the unofficial Smelliest Dump of the Year award that went to Ozzie Kakay after the team visited Fatty Amal's Kebab House.

Finally, I would argue that he has everything required to be considered a cult hero. Firstly, other clubs don't get what we see in him. Secondly, he never let's us down even when he's not the best player out there: we never expected him to be. Third, he would run through a burning brick wall, before crawling (on fire) over broken glass with his flies unzipped, simply to put lolly sticks in shit for this funny little club. He is the complete antithesis of people like comedy Frenchman Joe E Bartonne, or Armand Traore. Sirs, I submit to you that if Bircham is a club legend, the so is Dom Ball.

That is why I keep making up stuff about him. My whole schtick has Dom doing his absolute best to entertain, most often not really understanding what people want but never giving up or backing down. You paid to see Dom, and by God, your going to get the whole show.

I want to live in a world where Dom Ball is a QPR player.