Saints Brace Themselves As Liverpool Close In On Tea Lady
Thursday, 29th May 2014 11:17

They say it must be something in the water is an oft used phrase but allegedly some of the biggest clubs in the country think its something in the Tea.

Saints are bracing themselves for major bids coming in for key employees in the canteen at Staplewood as the top six clubs in England scramble to get the services of the real play makers at SFC, the Tea Department.

Previously football nutrition has been focused on the belief that various protein diets are the key to fitness and well being, but Saints youth academy's success has prompted a study by the University of Typhoo in India to conclude that Saints recent success has been fueled by Tea.

This report brought an immediate response in the media led by Neil Trashcan of the Daily Fail who under the backpage headline of "Meltdown in Tea Department" went on to claim that Liverpool had already tabled a bid for our head tea lady and that she herself disappointed in the lack of ambition shown by those responsible for buying the tea bags was widely quoted as saying she would be off in the summer, Trashcan then quoted ex Chairman Nicola Cortese " Under my watch we always had the best, since I left I believe that the stocks of PG Tips pyramid Tea bags are being depleted and that when they run out next season's squad will have to make do with supermarket's own brand, this would never have happened under me"

Social media sites are rife with rumour, one of the tea ladies was reportably spotted in the Anfield branch of Waitrose browsing the Tea section.

Many supporters are disappointed that their is nothing but silence from the Club, a picture of Ralph Krueger drinking a cuppa from the best bone china would help allay the supporters worries along with a few choice comments about how long it should brew in the pot, but perhaps his lack of response shows that the club are not in touch with the situation.

So far at least 8 members of the first team squad are believed to want away from the club unless they can prove their ambition for next season by making major bulk buy purchases of brand name tea.

England manager Roy Hodgson has also put in his words to the situation stating that he wants no talk of tea in Brazil especially since its the home of Coffee and might offend the host nation.

Photo: Action Images

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davidhosey added 11:51 - May 29

Regarding the possible sale of some of our players for big money, it has not really been said yet that although it would be sad to see them go, there is a good chance that these players may not be quite as good as many think. I believe that that played so well because of the SYSTEM that they were playing within. They were kept very fit, yes, but the high pressing and possession system was what counted. I believe that if we are offered big money for them it would not be a disaster to sell as we can still play the same system (given a manager who knows how!!). They can be replaced by more young hungry players. Optimistic ??

altonsaints added 12:08 - May 29 Obviously a storm in a tea cup!!! (Apologies; couldn't resist such a clear opportunity)
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montecristo added 12:44 - May 29 defintely a storm brewing they like their cuppa in manchester
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ericofarabia added 12:47 - May 29 Nearly believable until you mentioned "spotted in the Anfield branch of Waitrose". Waitrose Supermarket in Anfield? Lidl's maybe!!
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Zambucco added 13:21 - May 29 Apparently Pochettino had supplies of his favourite Argie tea flown in so he and his staff could enjoy it. I read this in the last couple of days, the tea is supposed to be very high in caffeine?
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darthvader added 14:35 - May 29 Alleged underhand sweeteners are being used by
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darthvader added 14:39 - May 29 ..Gary baldi
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BoondockSaint added 15:54 - May 29 Look, tea ladies are always going to go where they think the tea is green. The real worry is if they take the biscuits with them!
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