It was all going so well for QPR at The Abbey Stadium on Tuesday night, surging into a two goal lead to ease worries about the annual League Cup calamity. But then…

Queens Park Rangers have won three major trophies in their time: The London Evening Standard five-a-sides, The Copa de Ibiza, and the League Cup.

The first is, sadly, no longer part of the scene. The second they’ll never let us within a thousand miles of ever again. The latter is still very much alive, if not particularly well, but to follow QPR around in it over the more recent decades has been to test how many times you’d let somebody taking a running boot to your ballbag and keep coming back for more.

Norwich won with the last kick of the first round tie at Loftus Road a year ago, but at least they’re a Championship side. The defeat on penalties to Charlton at this stage of the 2022/23 competition, and loss at Fleetwood in the FA Cup, meant QPR had been eliminated from cup competitions by League One opposition at least once for six seasons running: Charlton 2022/23, Fleetwood (FA Cup) 2022/23, Sunderland 2021/22, Plymouth 2020/21, Pompey 2019/20, Blackpool 2018/19, MK Dons 17/18 (FA Cup). Rangers beat Orient on penalties after a 1-1 draw in 2021/22 and subsequently beat Oxford 2-0 at home and Premier League Everton on pens after a 2-2 draw at Loftus Road to reach round four. It was their best performance in the competition since 2008//09 when a shock win against Aston Villa at Villa Park took us into a fourth round 1-0 defeat at Old Trafford. Of course, but for the Keith Stroud-supervised catastrophe, Charlie Austin’s legitimate late goal would have stood and QPR would have had a quarter final at Arsenal — the R’s haven’t been that deep into the competition since 1988/89 when they lost 5-2 at Nottingham Forest. They haven’t beaten anybody away in a cup sans-penalty shoot-out since Yeovil in 2015, getting on for a decade ago.

And, yet, still, the numbers go into the bag, we all lean forward and hold our breath, number 32 comes out, and off we go again. Very, very frequently to see us play Northampton or Swindon, or as a special treat MK Dons. But, also, Charlton. Where nearly 5,000 QPR fans outnumbered the home crowd five to one. Now, Cambridge. Oooh, lovely. Day by the river. Sun in the sky. Drinks in the heat. What could be better? Never mind you and your Dave Kitson rhetoric, this is going to be a glorious time to be alive. Lunchtime Peroni on the Great Northern fast service, which isn’t great, doesn’t go to the North, and isn’t fast.

It is footballing sadomasochism. Go on, hit us. We want you to hit us. No, harder than that. Put some effort in I’m paying for this. We are Homer Simpson in Dante’s Inferno, happily chomping down on everything the devil can throw our way. Oh, you like humiliating early round cup defeats do you? Well heeeeeeere’s ALL THE HUMILIATING EARLY ROUND CUP DEFEATS IN THE WORLD. Chomp, chomp, chomp, nom, nom, nom, a thousand tickets gone in the blink of an eye.

Belief it’ll be different this time drained away years ago, and I’m now not sure we even hope it might go alright just for a change of scene. A fair amount of inquisitive, perplexed curiosity rolling down the Abbey Stadium’s sunken side terrace on Tuesday night, therefore, as QPR set about their work against League One Cambridge United with a degree of something that could easily have been mistaken for professionalism and skill.

There was a passing move on 13 minutes like what proper football teams do. Andersen, Clarke-Salter, Paal. Clarke-Salter, Walsh, Morrison. Varane, Walsh, Clarke-Salter. Everybody getting an early touch and feel, ball being moved left and right, Cambridge being probed and pulled. Nicely. Now, how about some incision? Here it comes. Dixon-Bonner drops in, Paal sets off to take a man away and clear space, Frey drops off to receive to feet, a lay off to Dixon-Bonner and then through Lloyd back to Frey now on the edge of the area from where he widened the angle and finished from 20 yards for his first goal since February 10 against Norwich. And somewhere the voice of Barry Davies cried out: “LOVELY”.

Within a minute or so Marti Cifuentes’ team were purring into similar motion down the opposite side of the field and Frey’s touch off to Dixon-Bonner should surely have yielded a second goal. The young midfielder was unfortunate his shot struck a defender on the head and looped over – missed altogether by referee Tom Howard who gave a goal kick – but with this, and another effort on 27 minutes, it felt like the QPR man was trying too hard and thinking too much about placement, overcomplicating the relatively simple task of just banging a set of laces through the back of the ball. Kindly put, could do with getting that first goal to relax him a bit.

The second was something of a gift. Jack Stevens appears to have lost the first choice goalkeeping spot here to Norwich loanee Vicente Reyes, and he showed exactly why ten before half time. Slow from his line and casual in his claim, the keeper left himself stranded when Paul Smyth nipped in ahead of him, poked the ball between his legs, and then ran it into the empty net. Oh dear, dear. A better goal to score than to concede.

We were in danger of having a nice time. What was to come after halftime was close, on multiple occasions, to becoming an absolute classic of the genre.

First, stand in goalkeeper Joe Walsh passed a ridiculous ball out from the edge of his own box straight to the home team’s Paul Digby. Nursing a very-QPR-indeed record of four goals in 195 Cambridge appearances, he was never going to do anything other than calmly walk onto that invitation and finish straight into the empty net. Heeeeeere we go.

There followed a near enough total collapse in almost every facet of Rangers’ play. Jimmy Dunne got caught giving the ball away high up the field and the excellent Dan Barton – 19 years old and only a second first team appearance but certainly not looking any of that – one-twoed his way into the vacated space in behind. Walsh offered him the bottom corner, then got down well on that side to save sharply. A good recovery from his early beer shit, and he was needed again when sub Sam Field collapsed to the floor trying to buy a cheap free kick but play on was waved through to Shayne Lavery through one on one but denied by Walsh with his feet. Experienced lower league full back Danny Andrew had supplied that chance by fairly robbing Field, and he was soon rampaging forward from left back again to put Lavery clean through a second time and, on this occasion, Walsh got enough to the ball to divert onto the post. Kaikai would later beat Walsh from range at the end of another move with Barton at its beating heart, but he wasn’t bar wide with a 20-yard curler.

Cambridge, like West Brom before them, repeatedly stripped Rangers for speed and numbers down Kenneth Paal’s side of the field. Twice they broke into the area down there and looked for a penalty, twice I thought they had a good claim, twice referee Howard said no – booking Kaikai for diving for good measure.

To look at the visiting players at full time, and indeed read the reaction on our message board, you’d have thought QPR had lost the game. They’d been given a real chasing and knew it. Four of the Cambridge starters, including the excellent Barton, had 90%+ passing accuracy which is a real old school Garry Monk performance. If Cambridge play like this all season, and finish the chances, his stock will rise again quickly. It’s astonishing, really, the U’s didn’t at least get it to penalties – both teams deserved at least that for their second half performances. Imagine how good this lot will be when they get mentality monster Taylor Richards rampaging around the gaff.

Rangers didn’t so much ride their luck as marry it, settle down and have three kids with it. Jimmy Dunne won every header from every corner, but needed to as a steady stream of service into the QPR box steadily grew into an outright peppering. In open play Dunne was somewhat wilder.

I am torn. Whether we like it or not (I very much not), these early round League Cup games are treated almost like an extra, final pre-season friendly by many Championship sides. You’re going to see some fringe players in action – among those I thought Morrison looked good on debut at centre back, and Alfie Lloyd continues to catch the eye with purposeful running in wide areas.

You’re going to see a few thinks worked on that perhaps won’t be tried again in Championship games. Rangers rattled through the whole gamut of shapes and systems trying to arrest their second half slide. New boy Hevertton Santos looked particularly all at sea within that, first on the right wing, then at right wing back. Lyndon Dykes played ten.

QPR have Ilias Chair, Karamoko Dembele, Koki Saito, Steve Cook, Paul Nardi and Jack Colback to come back into that side. There may yet be more signings still, particularly up front. Jonathan Varane was making a first start. The intensity is not going to be there, and that leaves you vulnerable when a lower division side gets the sniff of something. West Brom, our impressive conquerors at the weekend, were beaten at Fleetwood. QPR were not. They won. They’re through, first time in three years.

Nevertheless, there’s just something a bit off about QPR at the moment – through the final friendlies and these first two competitive games. I don’t know if it’s fitness where, as 12 months ago, our players seem to noticeably be hitting a wall at 60 minutes. Possibly a team getting used to new players and a new shape – this dissolved totally in the second half and Santos was so clearly confused with what he was supposed to be doing as substitute they ended up abandoning the whole thing altogether, sticking Dunne in at centre half in a back five and just dragging him back on the right side as an extra body.

Or something else. I didn’t like our mentality much here. Even when the going was good in the first half, there was too much casualness for my taste. Too many passes underhit or off target, too many chances that should have been taken to end the game as a contest pissed about with and wasted – Dixon-Bonner, who I’m usually a huge fan of, was particularly guilty in both regards for me, all a bit flicky and tricky academy boy here like it didn’t really matter. Barton curled one round Walsh and off the post, Walsh made a good save from Rossi who headed a queue of home players lining up to head a part-cleared corner back towards goal – and that was when Rangers were playing alright. The very second it stopped going well, the Bertie Big Potatoes routine dissolved completely, and the Londoners never regained any sort of foothold in the game. Morrison, at the back, for me the only one who maintained a level of calmness and composure and kept playing his game as he was before.

Three times Cifuentes tried to address the drop off from the bench, first with Field, then with Dykes and Santos, and finally with Bennie and Celar. They barely touched the sides. Bennie was booked for a foul with his first touch. Field, your senior midfield player, got caught three times collapsing to the ground looking for free kicks that you might get in the Championship, but this referee had made very clear he wasn’t going to give – looking for short cuts instead of just playing. Celar’s getting grief, but at one point after his introduction he pulled the ball down well on halfway with his back to goal, held off a man waiting for support, and then could only stand there was one, two, three Cambridge players all got there before one teammate arrived as a passing option. We were baggage, and this against a team that’s finished 18th and 20th in League One over the last two seasons and lost on day one of this at Stockport (Blackburn stuck six through them while all this was taking place).

We still strike me as quite a mentally fragile team after the last two years of torment. It doesn’t take much of a set back or challenge for us to wilt. Isaac Hayden was massive in that regard last season but is no longer here. Without him, for a game and a half of the two played so far, we’ve been comprehensively beaten in midfield. I’d have liked to see Tuck as one of our second half subs in there.

Very early days. Players who are already in the building still to come back into the team. Further incomings and outgoings yet due. Nothing was ever decided in August, certainly not in the early stages of this competition, and, in any case, we won the game and will be in the second round which is a lot better than usual.

Rather than go for the big, pithy match report finish I usually aim for I’ll perhaps just mirror the team’s rather phoned in, half-arsed approach to the second half here and simply repeat myself.

Rangers just look a bit… off somehow.

Links >>> Ratings and Reports >>> Message Board Match Thread

Cambridge: Stevens 4; Morrison 6, Rossie 6, O’Riordan 6 (Okedina 66, 6); Bennett 7, Digby 7, Brophy 7 (Smith 66, 7), Andrew 7; Kachunga 5 (Kaikai 46, 7), Njoku 5 (Lavery 46, 6), Barton 8 (Kaunda 88, -)

Subs not used: Reyes, Gibbons, Holmes

Goals: Digby 56, (Unassisted)

Yellow Cards: Brophy 9 (foul), Kaikai 68 (dive)

QPR: Walsh 6; Dunne 6, Morrison 6, Clarke-Salter 6, Paal 4; Dixon-Bonner 5, Varane 5 (Santos 65, 4); Lloyd 6 (Bennie 80, -), Andersen 5 (Field 46, 4), Smyth 6 (Dykes 65, 5); Frey 6 (Celar 80, -)

Subs not used: Cook, Kolli, Nardi, Tuck

Goals: Frey 13 (assisted Lloyd), Smyth 36 (assisted Dunne)

Yellow Cards: Andersen 45+1 (foul), Bennie 81 (foul)

QPR Star Man – Michy Frey 6 I actually came away thinking Morrison was a clear man of the match, as the only one who successfully kept his composure and kept playing his game when the team dissolved second half. Watching the highlights back though he is responsible for charging out of position a few times, and one of the penalty appeals was apparently his rash lunge as well. So, I don’t know, tough choice. Frey pressed well, albeit in that weird way where the top half of his body looks like he’s breaking the land speed record while the bottom half is barely moving at all, and scored a decent goal. Alfie Lloyd, maybe?

Referee – Paul Howard (London) 6 Thought there was some pretty obvious stuff missed – Dixon Bonner’s first half shot was headed over, Lavery’s second half effort turned onto the post by Walsh, both given as goal kicks. Whether either of Cambridge’s penalty appeals count in that will be better known to those of you who got replays off the stream. I admired his consistency though, he wasn’t going to be giving free kicks and penalties for minor contact and he stuck to that – QPR, particularly Sam Field, way too slow on that uptake.

Attendance: 4,529 (1,016 away) There’s a second round of this thing apparently. And we all gather round tonight for the draw. Go on, hit us. We want you to hit us.

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Myke added 20:31 - Aug 14 Thanks Clive. A lot to ponder over. LB is becoming a major issue and needs to be resolved quickly. I like Paal but something is off this season and I would say both he and club didn't expect him to be still here at this point. He expects to be sold over the next 2 weeks and it is hard to blame him if he is trying to avoid injury. The problem is exacerbated by Fox's injury as he would almost certainly have been playing last night if fit. Centre midfield is still an issue and like you I feel Hayden is being missed. Not least because it allows Field to play further forward where I believe he is move effective. He is not confident enough to receive the ball in his own third, but in the oppos half he uses the ball much more effectively I think Frey can be decent this season and could hit double figures if properly serviced by Chair/Dembele. Early days yet, but we need to be much better against Sheffield Utd or could get a bit of a tonking

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JimmyJ19 added 07:38 - Aug 16 Excellent description of Frey - chapeau!
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