| NEWBORNS 19:48 - Jul 29 with 2546 views | Spaceman_P |
Hello All,
Today we're celebrating the first month birthday of my daughter.
This month has been both the slowest and fastest experience of my life, already very intense experience for me. Up and Down emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I am overjoyed with my daughter she is beautiful and a future QPR fan, even though we're based in Spain. But becoming a parent in 2024, is a very daunting experience for me.
I can't quite put it into words, both the delight and utter dread I have been feeling.
Just wondering if any of you fathers, have any good advice, any anecdotes of your own kids' births etc.
Were your wives nuts too? etc etc
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| NEWBORNS on 19:59 - Jul 29 with 1665 views | Beckenhamhoop |
Congratulations. Children are the best thing that can happen to anyone.
Not too relevant for newborns but in future don’t pay any attention or pander to picky or fussy eating. If they don’t eat dinner don’t provide an alternative. It just encourages children that they’re in control of dinner times and sets a very dangerous precedent. Also never ask your child what they want for dinner. You’re the adult, you make the decisions. Giving too much choice to children just confuses them. They expect you to lead not be led by them. This may appear to some to be a bit stern. It really isn’t; you’re doing you and the child a big favour. [Post edited 29 Jul 20:00]
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| NEWBORNS on 20:03 - Jul 29 with 1633 views | Ranger_Things |
Congratulations!
The only advice I have is to enjoy every moment as they grow up very fast.
Oh and treat the missus to something nice like a spa or some VIP pampering .That birthing and mothering stuff is hard as hell and a break even if for a few hours will do wonders. [Post edited 29 Jul 20:05]
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| NEWBORNS on 20:05 - Jul 29 with 1627 views | Spaceman_P |
| NEWBORNS on 20:03 - Jul 29 by Ranger_Things |
Congratulations!
The only advice I have is to enjoy every moment as they grow up very fast.
Oh and treat the missus to something nice like a spa or some VIP pampering .That birthing and mothering stuff is hard as hell and a break even if for a few hours will do wonders. [Post edited 29 Jul 20:05]
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been doing that a lot haha. | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 20:05 - Jul 29 with 1625 views | Hunterhoop |
Congratulations, Spaceman. My second daughter was born one month ago today too, 29th June!
Our eldest is 2 years and 8 months.
I would say it gets better in some ways and gets worse in some ways. I’m looking to the time they don’t need constant, direct parenting when at home, but I’m sure parents of kids that old will say there are a load of other problems at that age and they look forward to the next stage, and so on, and so on.
Enjoy the present. Laugh at the absurdities of it all. Drink a lot of coffee. Allow yourself a beer at the end of the day. |  | | |
| NEWBORNS on 20:06 - Jul 29 with 1621 views | Spaceman_P |
| NEWBORNS on 20:05 - Jul 29 by Hunterhoop |
Congratulations, Spaceman. My second daughter was born one month ago today too, 29th June!
Our eldest is 2 years and 8 months.
I would say it gets better in some ways and gets worse in some ways. I’m looking to the time they don’t need constant, direct parenting when at home, but I’m sure parents of kids that old will say there are a load of other problems at that age and they look forward to the next stage, and so on, and so on.
Enjoy the present. Laugh at the absurdities of it all. Drink a lot of coffee. Allow yourself a beer at the end of the day. |
congratulations also, yep 29th of June.
I guess you're in the same situation as me right now Hunter. | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 20:12 - Jul 29 with 1585 views | SheffieldHoop |
Congrats. My second daughter arrived on April 9th. Adapting to 2 has been the most difficult part of parenting so far. But my partner and I are quite strong believers in what we're doing, so we just make it work.
First was born during the Queen's Platinum Jubilee (2.6.22) and it was unbelievably hot in the hospital. Got the call about 4 am, the Labour took about 15 hours. Never-ending, intense, not fun.
Second time around - Mrs called me about 9:30 saying she's being taken down, I think "No rush then" - Drop the 2 year old to Nans, go home and clean the whole house, slowly make my way to the hospital......By the time I got there, the baby was coming and we were in and out in what felt like no time. Was a little stressful as this one came out still in the sack, and Mrs & baby had to stay overnight but went back the next day and all was OK.
Kids. It's a duty. Well done, men. [Post edited 30 Jul 2:38]
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| "Someone despises me. That's their problem." Marcus Aurelius |
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| NEWBORNS on 20:16 - Jul 29 with 1573 views | loftboy |
You’re all making me feel old! My 6th grandchild was born a couple of weeks ago! |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 20:19 - Jul 29 with 1561 views | GaryBannister86 |
My advice would be....don't listen too much to any advice. Many parents are well-meaning and adamant that what worked for their child will work for everyone. But that was their child, and your daughter is your daughter. They are all different!
Believe it or not, you will work out the best ways eventually. And then you will turn around and they will be off to Uni in a few weeks, like my son (sob). Hoping the Rangers will drag him back on occasions.
Congrats. |  | | |
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| NEWBORNS on 20:20 - Jul 29 with 1558 views | hantssi |
Congratulations.
As said above enjoy the moment it goes so fast, then they’re stroppy teenagers, then adults.
My lad is 31 tomorrow and still sleeps in the same bedroom as he first slept in when he was 4!
My daughter is 26 and also still lives at home although she has an excuse as she travelled for a few years at 18 before going to Uni at 22! | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 20:27 - Jul 29 with 1531 views | Spaceman_P |
| NEWBORNS on 20:12 - Jul 29 by SheffieldHoop |
Congrats. My second daughter arrived on April 9th. Adapting to 2 has been the most difficult part of parenting so far. But my partner and I are quite strong believers in what we're doing, so we just make it work.
First was born during the Queen's Platinum Jubilee (2.6.22) and it was unbelievably hot in the hospital. Got the call about 4 am, the Labour took about 15 hours. Never-ending, intense, not fun.
Second time around - Mrs called me about 9:30 saying she's being taken down, I think "No rush then" - Drop the 2 year old to Nans, go home and clean the whole house, slowly make my way to the hospital......By the time I got there, the baby was coming and we were in and out in what felt like no time. Was a little stressful as this one came out still in the sack, and Mrs & baby had to stay overnight but went back the next day and all was OK.
Kids. It's a duty. Well done, men. [Post edited 30 Jul 2:38]
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yep ours was about 16 hours or so, NUTS man. | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 20:35 - Jul 29 with 1511 views | Rangersw12 |
Congratulations
Got 3 , 1 girl and 2 boys aged 18 , 15 and 8!
My eldest was the only natural birth and my overriding memory of the birth was that I was hungover to hell as for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go out ( I was only 22 and stupid ) when the hospital sent me home as nothing was happening .
I got in at 5 am 😩 was then back up the hospital all day and my daughter was born at 02.42 the next morning after a 3 hour labour with me nearly sick on multiple occasions during the day.
Both the boys were C section and I learnt my lesson and didn't touch a drop leading up to their births .
All the kids support QPR and that's all I can ask from them
My only advice is to treasure every moment, take 1000's of photos and do what feels right . Enjoy the ride ! [Post edited 29 Jul 20:36]
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| NEWBORNS on 20:47 - Jul 29 with 1486 views | PunteR |
First few months are tricky for dads. I used to feel a bit useless and in the way when our first was born but over time you learn how to make it work. Its relentless nappy changing, feeding ,crying, burping and that was just me..! Gets easier as they get older although you constantly face new challenges along the way.
Like others have said, try and enjoy the moments, as they grow up so fast. Ive got 3 kids and now a granddaughter and without doubt they're the best thing in my life. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 20:48 - Jul 29 with 1488 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Congratulations to you, Mrs Space, and the Space Cadette. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 21:15 - Jul 29 with 1447 views | ted_hendrix |
When My second Lad was born my Mrs woke me at 05.00 and said ''It's starting'' I replied '' go and put the kettle on and make a bit of toast'' which she duly did. I drove her to the hospital in my Morris Marina van dropped my other Lad round at his Grandma's and went to work on the building site.
I never changed one nappy, not one ever, sometimes I'd come home from work and there'll be a whole row of nappies on the washing line, none of this throw away nappy nonsense back then.
Spend every goddam minute with them, they are everything, your Kids are everything.
When they are Babies and the first time they smile at you, It will Knock you out, you'll never forget that moment. |  |
| My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. |
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| NEWBORNS on 21:36 - Jul 29 with 1411 views | Konk |
Congratulations - I hope you're all doing okay.
Those early days are unbelievably knackering. We had to bottle feed our son, which meant that I was able to chip in with feeds - I would clock-off at 10:30pm Sun - Thu, and then do the overnight on Saturday and Sunday (I had to be up just gone 5am for work). My advice would be:
Sleep - we had the luxury of having a double bed in our spare bedroom, which was to become our son's bedroom. We had his cot in there from the day he came home, and one of us would sleep in there with him for overnight feeds and have him in the bed with us in there if he needed soothing during the night. As he got older and transferred from his moses basket to his cot, we would just lie next to him and soothe him through his cot bars, which worked most of the time, and if it didn't, have him in the bed with us. We generally found that whoever was still kipping in our bedroom, managed to get a decent nights sleep, which made a huge difference. I would 100% advocate one of you sleeping whilst the other one is sat up with the child at night, otherwise you end up with two permanently knackered parents, and it's tough enough with one of you in that state.
We have always had a policy of if our son wants us in the night, he calls out to us and we go in with him and lie with him until he's nodding off again or feels reassured if he's worrying about something. Even though you've had a disrupted sleep, you're back in your bed before too long and can go back to sleep. Friends of ours who had their kids come downstairs or into their parents bed whenever they can't sleep/have had a nightmare etc, and their kids are still doing it at 5-6. Fu ck that. Once your kid's in your bed, probably lying horizontally, you're stuffed.
I'm a big fan of setting boundaries, sticking to them, and I will always explain my stance on something.
Saying sorry - when I've lost my temper/over-reacted, I always apologise to my son and chat about what we both might have done to stop me being a shouty t wat. I think it's important to acknowledge when you've been a knob.
Other than that, put your phone down (I'm sh it at that), and give your kid as much time as you can. Being a dad to my son has been the single most magical experience of my life. It's a lot of hard work, but unbelievably rewarding, and in my experience, it just gets better and better with time. Good luck, have fun and be super kind to your wife. |  |
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| NEWBORNS on 21:40 - Jul 29 with 1406 views | Konk |
| NEWBORNS on 21:15 - Jul 29 by ted_hendrix |
When My second Lad was born my Mrs woke me at 05.00 and said ''It's starting'' I replied '' go and put the kettle on and make a bit of toast'' which she duly did. I drove her to the hospital in my Morris Marina van dropped my other Lad round at his Grandma's and went to work on the building site.
I never changed one nappy, not one ever, sometimes I'd come home from work and there'll be a whole row of nappies on the washing line, none of this throw away nappy nonsense back then.
Spend every goddam minute with them, they are everything, your Kids are everything.
When they are Babies and the first time they smile at you, It will Knock you out, you'll never forget that moment. |
Very true about the smile. Also, the period where they go absolutely nuts with excitement when you walk through the door after a day at work, is the most beautiful display of unconditional love that you'll ever experience without owning a dog! | |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| NEWBORNS on 22:25 - Jul 29 with 1340 views | Juzzie |
Mine are 9 3/4 and 6 1/2. It goes by really quick but seems ages to get there!
I remember both birth days vividly and whilst i was a bit hopeless the first time around when he was born, other than holding him in a blanket, that was due to sheer inexperience. Second time, totally bossed it.
Don’t bother with”how to…” books, all they do is make the author rich. You’ll figure it out with the help of family and friends. Don’t get sucked into buying tons of schit you don’t need. Places like mothercare are a business and will say/do anything to get as much out of your wallet as possible, they’re not your friend.
I looked at those early years as a series of 6-month events. Things you did in the first six months won’t happen in the next but will be replaced with something else and so on.
Most of all, enjoy it. It will be tiring (sorry, but that never goes away), it will be expensive (ditto) , try and keep calm because as they get older they will push as many buttons as feasibly possible but the amount of love, attention and affection you give them, they will give it back ten fold.
Just about to go on holiday with mine so may change my mind when i get back!! |  | | |
| NEWBORNS on 23:26 - Jul 29 with 1280 views | dannyblue |
Congratulations!
I'll take a different angle to the others here. You asked about wives going nuts. I don't have true experience of that, but I can say....
A new baby puts an incredible strain on a relationship. You're probably having a baby together because you think each other are wonderful. You were probably the main thing in your wife's life beforehand. You're not anymore. The baby, quite rightly, is everything. That can be a bit of a shock.
You don't have tits. You didn't carry your child. You don't get physical pains in your guts when they cry, or feel crushing anxiety about their every breath. You now are demoted to the status of assistant, and as well as you may do everything, she may not like it or appreciate it. That can be hard to take, when you're doing everything you can, maybe working extra hours, going without to save cash, not socialising as much, not getting enough sleep, taking on more chores...
Sex was probably important to you both. It brought you closer. Maybe you used it to console each other, to heal arguments, as well as all the fun. Her libido may fall of a cliff. Her body has been pushed and pulled and put to the service of another for 10 months already now, and still, she's being pawed at and needed and hung off and required by the baby at all times. She might not welcome your advances. Worse, so as not to lead you on in fear you want sex, she might withdraw affection. You may get frustrated. You might struggle with what feels like rejection. That can also be hard to take.
Everything was easy before. No pressure. You didn't realise, but it was. And flaws in your relationship - especially in communication, insecurity, or managing repair signals - were easy to ignore or gloss over. They won't be any more. They'll be violently exposed.
Quite a few couples break up after the first year or two of having a child.
I say all this because forewarned is forearmed. Hopefully none of this will apply.
My advice would be to be patient. To be kind. To sleep as much as you can. To find constructive ways to reward or treat yourself. To take lots of pictures and videos. To find ways or reaffirming your love and care and trust for each other even when you're fuming and exhausted. To get babysitters or help from family or friends, and have some time to each other. Weekly date nights are wonderful if you can manage it.
And when I was looking after my newborns I found EASY made a lot of difference, helping me understand what they might need, why they were crying, and giving a little structure to the time (because it does get very dull). EASY simply means you go through a cycle of Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time (while they sleep). This might be half an hour when they're very small, or 4 hours as they get bigger.
The days are long, the years are short. It was hard, I wouldn't do those early years again. Newborns are dull. Toddlers are dull and infuriating. It's relentless.
But I found (and most of my male friends have found), that kids just get more and more fun as they get older. My kids are 7 and 9 now and it is truly a golden age. Best thing in the world, best thing I've ever done. The sense of joy I get just from their very existence is a wonder. |  | | |
| NEWBORNS on 23:36 - Jul 29 with 1264 views | StJude82 |
Congratulations! My only advice is to enjoy every moment. I know it's a cliche but it's true: They grow up much quicker than you think! | | | |
| NEWBORNS on 02:09 - Jul 30 with 1207 views | SheffieldHoop |
| NEWBORNS on 20:27 - Jul 29 by Spaceman_P |
yep ours was about 16 hours or so, NUTS man. |
It is mate. Since my brain seizures, I'm prone to fainting in any vaguely stressful situation, that day I was in a worse shape than the Mrs. Thank god her mum was there, I was useless. When the baby comes out is such a relief - that first hold is amazing. Life changing. By comparison, the second felt almost routine, but is still a memory you'll never forget.
As has been said, you feel a bit useless at times, especially at the start, but that improves the more aware they get. I did the whole thing with the first, changed every other nappy for the first couple of weeks, but was still renovating my new place at the time and we needed to move, so dropped off over time. I still haven't changed a nappy for the second - My role now is basically to keep the 2 year old occupied. It's fine, she's great, she cheers when I say QPR and Boos when I say Chelsea, I love it. I take her swimming, we go to the Cafe, I take her out quite a bit and although it all takes a lot longer, it's a lot of fun, people are generally delightful and extremely patient when you've got a cute kid in tow. The new baby is still attached to mum, but came to the Tottenham game in a sling and is pretty chill. She's getting more aware and feeling a bit less fragile, so getting there. | |
| "Someone despises me. That's their problem." Marcus Aurelius |
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| NEWBORNS on 02:20 - Jul 30 with 1203 views | SheffieldHoop |
I wonder, while we're here; how do people feel about TV?
I don't give my kids tablets, try and avoid them seeing us using phones too much although difficult at this point in life, but I am quite bad for sticking them down in front of the TV to buy myself 15 minutes.
The younger one is obviously not doing much, but anything on the TV and she is glued to it. The older one must've seen some episodes of Teletubbies 20 times. She's been through Bluey, Night Garden, Teletubbues, Currently loves Yakka-Dee....I'm sure there are more. Are we terrible parents or what? | |
| "Someone despises me. That's their problem." Marcus Aurelius |
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| NEWBORNS on 04:10 - Jul 30 with 1171 views | Match82 |
I'll give a little different advice which wasn't exactly asked for.
We are based in the US. Skype/FaceTime/pick your vendor has been an absolute godsend in terms of keeping close to family and friends back home. When our daughter was 3 we took her back to the UK and she met her cousin (same age) for the first time, it was amazing to see them interact completely naturally as if they'd known each other for ages because of course, they had. Take the time to video chat not phone call the people in the UK who are important to you and it will help her feel bonded with them as she gets older.
And don't worry, none of us are qualified for this. You'll make a ton of mistakes but despite that everything will be absolutely fine. |  | | |
| NEWBORNS on 06:19 - Jul 30 with 1135 views | Discodroids |
My eldest Simon is now 32.. i still think of him as a baby in my arms trying to grab my big hooter and throw up his cow and gate all over me. I was a young dad myself and didnt have a fkn clue what to to but we struggled by and done our best.
I still moistens the old mince pies to this day thinking about it.
Cherish every day because it flies by in the blink of an eye. [Post edited 30 Jul 6:21]
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| ".... You are the... Duke of New York... You're A-Number One!".
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| NEWBORNS on 07:24 - Jul 30 with 1079 views | Konk |
| NEWBORNS on 02:20 - Jul 30 by SheffieldHoop |
I wonder, while we're here; how do people feel about TV?
I don't give my kids tablets, try and avoid them seeing us using phones too much although difficult at this point in life, but I am quite bad for sticking them down in front of the TV to buy myself 15 minutes.
The younger one is obviously not doing much, but anything on the TV and she is glued to it. The older one must've seen some episodes of Teletubbies 20 times. She's been through Bluey, Night Garden, Teletubbues, Currently loves Yakka-Dee....I'm sure there are more. Are we terrible parents or what? |
We were pretty relaxed about TV. Lying in bed with my son at 04:22, I would be counting down the minutes until CBeebies started and it's one of the reasons I would throw myself in front of a tank for the BBC. There's loads of stuff on there which is stimulating, educational and fun. We generally tried to watch TV with him, and talk with him about what was going on in the programmes he liked, but we have 100% also used it for bursts when we had to get stuff done without him.
We avoided commercial channels, because seeing that in action at family and friends, you get 3 mins TV before an hour of adverts and a kid with a shopping list a mile long. Watching programmes that you can both enjoy is great and I can definitely see how our son's humour and drawings have been influenced by some of his favourites. We've been really enjoying 'Teen Titans Go!' and it's lovely to sit there together laughing at the same things. We both loved "Hey Duggee' and 'Storybots'.
I think it comes down to what they're watching and whether it's absolute pap or something that will help with their development. Now our son is older, we watch quite a bit of comedy stuff like 'Would I lie to you' together; any innuendo goes over his head, and he goes to football every week, so I'm not worried about the odd swear word. We also always used to have a YouTube music video party every weekend, so that was a fair chunk of tv.
Something I found bonkers, was one of our neighbours had a 10 mins tv rule per day for their kid, which inevitably meant turning the tv off midway through a programme, every day. Daily meltdowns with a 4-5 year old until they yielded and moved to one whole tv programme per day. | |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| NEWBORNS on 07:50 - Jul 30 with 1048 views | essextaxiboy |
I am 64 , three adult sons , 2 grandchildren .
When I knew we were going to be grandparents I googled it and the first piece of advice was listen and defer . ..but my one piece of simple advice would be nice as it is for them to fall asleep while you cuddle them ,when they are settled lay them down .if they stir comfort them till they go back off . Then you are free for a bit , have a doze , do some work , read a book , clear up , put some washing on or doss on your phone . You have a metaphorical blank sheet of paper, it's up to you what you write on it .. life will never be the same.. in a good way . Congratulations |  | | |
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