| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 848255 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:11 - Oct 4 with 14159 views | HantsR |
I once had a job in the Parks Dept collecting litter. I asked if I was going to get any training for the job, but they said not to worry as I'd pick it up as I went along. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:56 - Oct 4 with 14132 views | johncharles |
Best place to hide an elephant is on a snooker table.
Well, did you ever see an elephant on a snooker table ? | |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:04 - Oct 4 with 14122 views | WokingR |
Was still funny though | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:24 - Oct 4 with 14028 views | Boston |
Thanks Wokes, I’ll buy you a pint, when I get out of jail. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:06 - Oct 5 with 13962 views | Ashdown_Ranger |
Wow, didn't realise this was the Jimmy Savile appreciation forum.
In what twisted world is raping 9 year old children considered 'funny'?
Approx 7% of people in the UK have been sexually abused as children according to NAPAC. Last year there were nearly 14,000 cases of rape of children from babies to 16 in the UK.
If there are (complete guess) 500* LFW members, around 35 of us will have been sexually abused as children.
Absolutely sick.
*Make that 499 | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:13 - Oct 5 with 13950 views | Esox_Lucius |
I popped into the library this morning and asked the librarian if they had any books by Shakespeare.
"Which one?" they asked.
"William, of course" I replied. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:17 - Oct 5 with 13942 views | hopphoops |
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:57 - Oct 5 with 13851 views | HantsR |
Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:51 - Oct 6 with 13760 views | Boston |
If you lend that bison some money, would it be a buffaloan?
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What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
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What’s the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they’re drunk.
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*Please note that no animals were harmed in the making of this production. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:54 - Oct 6 with 13656 views | johnhoop |
Q. What’s the favourite Christmas Carol in a German psychiatric hospital.
A. God rest ye Jerry Mentalmen. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:41 - Oct 8 with 13500 views | Esox_Lucius |
The doctor asked me how I had received the severe bruising and cuts to my face...
I was shagging next doors wife on the kitchen table when the front door started to open.
"Quick" she said "Use the back door"
Upon reflection I should probably have made a swift exit out of the kitchen but you don't often get an offer like that. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Oct 8 with 13402 views | acricketer |
Where do you weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:27 - Oct 9 with 13399 views | Trom |
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:53 - Oct 9 with 13279 views | Bluce_Ree |
I got a new job playing the triangle for the Jamaican National Orchestra.
It's a pretty easy job...
... I just stand around and ting. | |
| Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore, Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah, his crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:02 - Oct 9 with 13254 views | Rebalhoop |
Crying ðŸ˜,that done me up big time......best by far | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 02:12 - Oct 10 with 13193 views | Boston |
Never marry a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:53 - Oct 11 with 12972 views | Trom |
It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows — it’s a rocky road | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:58 - Oct 11 with 12967 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
When I told my family I wanted to become a comedian, they laughed.
They're not fcking laughing now though are they?
 [Post edited 11 Oct 2018 13:59]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:18 - Oct 11 with 12847 views | Esox_Lucius |
Just found a picture of myself from the days when I was a boxer.
If you turn it sideways it looks like I'm standing up. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:53 - Oct 11 with 12821 views | colinallcars |
I gave up boxing because of something a referee said to me once. “One, two, three......” | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:04 - Oct 12 with 12770 views | Boston |
A boxer mate of mine asked if I'd like to sponsor him
S'funny, but he lost interest when I offered to put my company name on the soles of his boots.
(True story). | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:25 - Oct 12 with 12767 views | Boston |
Four nuns standing at the Pearly Gates,
St Peter enquires if they've every committed a sin, the first one admits to ogling a penis, "thats ok" says Peter, "sprinkle some Holy Water on your eyes and you may enter Heaven."
He then motions to the second nun and asks her the same question, she grimaces then replies that she has fondled a mans penis, Peter instructs her to place her hand in the font and she too may enter Heaven.
At this moment the third nun jumps the queue, pushing ahead of the fourth, "why did you do that", says the old Saint?
"Because I have to gargle before she sits in it, came the response. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:56 - Oct 12 with 12706 views | Phildo |
Couple married for 10 years - all going well except she cannot achieve an orgasm.
Eventually they go to a specialist doctor who tells them it could be because her body temperature is high.
The husband asks his mate to come round and waft a towel while they are going at it to keep them cool. After half and hour there is still no sign of climax and the husband is knackered. Out of desperation the husbands mate agrees to have a go while hubby waves the towel. Within 2 minutes the wife has reached previously unimaginable ecstasy .
At this the husband triumphantly punches the air and says : 'That my friend is how you waft a towel' | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:14 - Oct 12 with 12619 views | Esox_Lucius |
Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
“Do you see those 4 trees, son?
An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
“Um, Dad - there's only 2 trees.” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:32 - Oct 13 with 12469 views | BathRanger |
A small girl is getting changed with her mother. Seeing her mother's breasts for the first time, the child asks "What are those?"
Having to quickly think of an innocent answer, the mother replies "Er, they're my balloons. When I die, they will help me float up to Heaven."
A few days later, as the mother's getting ready to go out, the child rushes up to her shouting "Mum! Mum! Come quick! The baby-sitter's dying! The baby-sitter's dying!"
"Oh my goodness," says the mum. "What makes you think that?"
"Well," says the child. "Daddy's lying on top of her, blowing up her balloons, and she's screaming 'Oh God I'm coming!'" | | | |
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