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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 84493 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:44 - Nov 20 with 19135 viewsSwanjaxs

Get involved guys.... let's lighten the mood 😎👍

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:44 - Nov 20 with 19132 viewsdickythorpe

Did you hear about the band in Bermuda? The chap playing the triangle disappeared.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:45 - Nov 20 with 19123 viewsSwanjaxs

😂😂😂

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:47 - Nov 20 with 19114 viewsmonmouth

Reminds me of a total animal I knew once whose chat up line was ‘i’d Like to get in your knickers....yeah, I’ve shit in mine’. He’d read somewhere that getting a girl to laugh was key, and he thought that little ice breaker might do the trick.

Poll: TRUST MEMBERS: What DID you vote in the, um, vote

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:51 - Nov 20 with 19077 viewsDarran

Went to Derricks the other day and asked the guy behind the counter if he had anything by the Doors.

He replied yes. Fire extinguishers.

The first ever recipient of a Planet Swans Lifetime Achievement Award.
Poll: Who’s got the most experts

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:52 - Nov 20 with 19079 viewsSwanjaxs

I used to use the "I bet you a quid I can make your tìts move without touching them" chat up line... used to work sometimes but usually ended up in a slap! 😂

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:53 - Nov 20 with 19068 viewsLeonWasGod

I went to the zoo the other day, but there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:56 - Nov 20 with 19057 viewsSwanjaxs

Two parrots on a perch... one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish"?....

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

9

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:57 - Nov 20 with 19052 viewsdickythorpe

"Oh, oh, oh" said Santa as he walked backwards
[Post edited 20 Nov 2017 21:57]
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N/A. on 21:58 - Nov 20 with 19039 viewsHuw57

N/A.
[Post edited 18 Jul 2018 5:07]

Poll: Do you want the Irish to get through?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:00 - Nov 20 with 19011 viewsDarran

Whore whore whore said Santa as he walked through Liverpool.

The first ever recipient of a Planet Swans Lifetime Achievement Award.
Poll: Who’s got the most experts

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:00 - Nov 20 with 19019 viewsswan85

Two goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "how do you drive this then?"
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:01 - Nov 20 with 19018 viewsdickythorpe

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets? - Women
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:03 - Nov 20 with 19008 viewsswan85

Bear walks in to a pub and says, "I will have a pint of beer and ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.................a packet of ready salted crisps please."

Barman says "why the big pause?"

Bear says "I was born with them!"
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:04 - Nov 20 with 18989 viewslifelong

Bloke going up the M4 in a chariot being towed by a giant chicken, he crashes into a bridge and the chicken runs off. Police arrive and ask what happened, bloke says “ Big hens gone.”
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:06 - Nov 20 with 18983 viewsdickythorpe

A crab walks into a bar. Barman says, "Don't get snappy with me"
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:07 - Nov 20 with 18971 viewsSwanjaxs

"Knock knock"
Who's there...

"Irish burglar" .... ☘

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

3

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:09 - Nov 20 with 18964 viewsBrynCartwright

Just to add to this bunch of the unfunniest, saddest jokes ever, a classic from Monty Python...


"What I object to is all this sex on the television...well I mean...I keep falling off."

Did you laugh?


I thought not.

Poll: Artificial Crowd Noise for Premier League and Champiionship Games is...

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:10 - Nov 20 with 18962 viewsjackportis

Hope I don’t get any splinters.....................touch wood.

Jackportis the brand. “A gifted poster”, “planet swans have a real talent on their hands in the name of Jackportis” sky sports 2018. . JP fully supports posters of LBG, mx orientation and ethnic minority groups. Update - now fully supporting the pansexual community.

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:10 - Nov 20 with 18962 viewsswan85

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky
[Post edited 20 Nov 2017 22:11]
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:12 - Nov 20 with 18950 viewsjackportis

Windy today isn’t it. ............. no it’s not it’s Monday.

Jackportis the brand. “A gifted poster”, “planet swans have a real talent on their hands in the name of Jackportis” sky sports 2018. . JP fully supports posters of LBG, mx orientation and ethnic minority groups. Update - now fully supporting the pansexual community.

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:12 - Nov 20 with 18947 viewsSwanjaxs

He's not the Messiah.... he's a very naughty boy! Classic 😂

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:13 - Nov 20 with 18943 viewsoldcob

The YTS health centre receptionist asked Mr.Davies what his problem was "It's my cock innit" he replied.
To which the YTS girl screamed in embarrassment. A senior receptionist told Mr.Davies to be more delicate in future.
A week later Mr.Davies was there again, and the same young receptionist was behind the desk. "And what's wrong with you today Mr.Davies?" she said. Thinking of what the older receptionist had told him he said "It's my elbow innit" "And what's wrong with your elbow Mr.Davies?" asked the YTS girl. "Can't piss through it" he relied.
[Post edited 20 Nov 2017 22:17]
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:13 - Nov 20 with 18939 viewsarizlan

What do women and Kentucky fried chicken have in common?









...take away the leg and breast and your left with a smelly box!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:16 - Nov 20 with 18916 viewsarizlan

A one armed Irishman up a tree, how do you get him down?




...you wave at him
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