| Veet... 08:45 - Sep 26 with 1455 views | hoopstilidie |
... for men.
Review from Amazon:
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect......... |  |
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| Veet... on 08:58 - Sep 26 with 1430 views | smegma |
Too much info at this time of the morning. And for once you're not talking b0ll0cks. Well you are.............. |  | | |
| Veet... on 09:06 - Sep 26 with 1406 views | hoopstilidie |
| Veet... on 08:58 - Sep 26 by smegma |
Too much info at this time of the morning. And for once you're not talking b0ll0cks. Well you are.............. |
"for once you're not talking b0ll0cks"
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| Veet... on 09:08 - Sep 26 with 1396 views | daveB |
i don't know whats more scary, that story or you looking up the reviews for veet |  | | |
| Veet... on 09:09 - Sep 26 with 1394 views | smegma |
| Veet... on 09:06 - Sep 26 by hoopstilidie |
"for once you're not talking b0ll0cks"
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It was a pun/gag , don't take it seriously.apologies for the misunderstanding. | | | |
| Veet... on 09:10 - Sep 26 with 1390 views | hoopstilidie |
| Veet... on 09:08 - Sep 26 by daveB |
i don't know whats more scary, that story or you looking up the reviews for veet |
Yeah I looked up the reviews, I didn't see it posted elsewhere and think it might have some amusement value. | |
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| Veet... on 12:01 - Sep 26 with 1275 views | WanderR |
This needs a NSFW warning. I had to stop reading that half-way through. My half stifled snorts and sniggers were drawing odd looks in the office. I'll have to finish it at home  |  |
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| Veet... on 12:07 - Sep 26 with 1263 views | QPunkR |
| Veet... on 12:01 - Sep 26 by WanderR |
This needs a NSFW warning. I had to stop reading that half-way through. My half stifled snorts and sniggers were drawing odd looks in the office. I'll have to finish it at home |
I just managed to get to the end but have received quite a few wierd looks from around the work workplace.
I've read those reviews on Amazon before but that's the best one yet! Absolutely brilliant!! |  |
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| Veet... on 12:10 - Sep 26 with 1252 views | Northernr |
Some of the reviews on that thing are belters  |  | | |
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| Veet... on 12:11 - Sep 26 with 1246 views | westolian |
| Veet... on 09:09 - Sep 26 by smegma |
It was a pun/gag , don't take it seriously.apologies for the misunderstanding. |
I've never known you apologise before  |  |
| I've found a team sheet for the weekend - anyone interested ? |
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| Veet... on 12:16 - Sep 26 with 1240 views | Charlie1 |
| Veet... on 12:07 - Sep 26 by QPunkR |
I just managed to get to the end but have received quite a few wierd looks from around the work workplace.
I've read those reviews on Amazon before but that's the best one yet! Absolutely brilliant!! |
+1
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| Veet... on 12:25 - Sep 26 with 1215 views | smegma |
| Veet... on 12:11 - Sep 26 by westolian |
I've never known you apologise before |
Couldn't be bothered waiting 23 years as I'll be dead by then. | | | |
| Veet... on 18:22 - Sep 26 with 1028 views | Cogster |
This did the rounds a while back, very funny.
Especially funny for me as I have done some formulation work on these kinds of products in the past, and it beats me why anyone would use them. There's enough alkali in there to neutralize a car battery. I'll spare you the effects of thioglycolates.
And people want to slap this stuff on their genitals where the skin is barely a membrane in places? Crazy.
Still makes fun reading.
Edited to add link. Some of the real gems are a few pages in.
"maroon coloured bag of agony" my particular favorite.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK
[Post edited 1 Jan 1970 1:00]
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