Following Saturday’s poor performance and result at Doncaster, QPR have an immediate opportunity to put things right with a Tuesday night home game against newly promoted Bournemouth.
Old First Division, Old Old Second Division >>> Tuesday December 3, 2013 >>> Kick Off 19.45 >>> Loftus Road, London, W12
There is, occasionally, a public service element to LoftforWords. Firstly if you’re on here reading this, or positing on the message board, then you’re not out there in general society, and if you like reading this or posting on the message board then that’s probably a very good thing.
Secondly, if you live a long way away and don’t get to see Rangers as often as you’d like, then perhaps in some small way the long rambling nonsense and crass sexual innuendo keeps you in touch and gives some idea of what’s going on.
Either way it feels important, even when we have three matches in seven days while I’m in Vienna with work, to find time in airport lounges and cramped British Airways cabins to try and thrash something out by way of match preview material. What would you exiled R’s do without the smut and jibes at Jermaine Jenas otherwise?
And in that public spirit, let me share with you a few of the ways the LFW lot passed the time in the away end at Doncaster on Saturday, in case you need to use a few of them yourself on Tuesday against Bournemouth.
It should be said, in the interests of fairness, that for 20 minutes in the middle of the "match” there was a glorious South Yorkshire sunset to marvel upon while swapping stories of happier times from our youth, and for the final 15 minutes some of the home fans suddenly remembered they used to be in a colliery band before Thatcher closed the pit down so commandeered some instruments from somewhere and played us through to an unhappy conclusion.
But for the majority of the "game” my friends and I, and everybody else in that Keepmoat Stadium away end, couldn’t have been more bored if we’d been ticking over into a sixth hour of a health and safety induction day conducted by a middle aged woman who gave up her career to start a family, realised the kids were shit and then started this job at the insurance company call centre you’ve only started working at yourself to tide you over until you either strap on a pair and actually do kill yourself or something better comes along. Remember, never use a tilted head and a raised shoulder to hold the telephone handset in place.
So if QPR serve up more of the same on Tuesday and you’re looking for a way to pass a suitable amount of time until you don’t think it’s too rude to just get up and go back to the pub, why not involve those around you in the stand in a debate about which member of the animal kingdom you’re confident you could punch to the ground with a single strike? Baby animals don’t count, nobody in their right mind is allowed to get away with claiming a cow, and remember that otters can actually be quite viscous little things.
Or open your matchday programme up and play ‘shag, marry, avoid’ with the QPR first team squad. Obviously Ale Faurlin is discounted from all categories as it’s just too bloody obvious an answer and anybody mentioning Little Tom Carroll shall immediately be placed on some kind of register.
Or how about the age old question of whether you’d have a fish at the top and human parts at the bottom, or vice versa, if you were forced by some sort of evil invading force to conduct a sexual relationship with a mermaid.
Or you could be jolly grown up about it and have a philosophical debate about whether results are all that matters this season, and if QPR succeed in boring their way back to the Premier League to secure the financial future of the club then we should all be very bloody grateful indeed and stop moaning so much. Or, in fact, whether you hated the experience of paying £52 to stand in that poxy away end at West Ham, in the hope that Rangers might get one of the ten wins required for it to count as a successful season, so much that you don’t want to go back at all, never mind returning in such ball-aching circumstances. Or why, in fact, we seem to suddenly believe that keeping possession without going anywhere and relying on a solid defence is the only way to win football games these days? Or whether we’re simply labouring a bit because three of the four players key to making Harry Redknapp’s current system work — Matt Phillips, Junior Hoilett and Little Tom Carroll — can’t get fit together at the same time and as soon as they do Rangers will cut loose and ride off into the sunset flicking v-signs at Nigel Pearson as they go.
Or perhaps Bournemouth might give us all something to admire. So far only Derby have approached a game at Loftus Road this season with any modicum of ambition, and it made for a thoroughly entertaining afternoon of football. Every other side has come for a 0-0 draw; shown little belief in their ability to get even that; put up some sort of vague, limp, half-hearted attempt at a kind of resistance; and gone home beaten without scoring a goal. Bournemouth, with wonderful but frequently home-sick young manager Eddie Howe in charge, are dangerous opposition. They’re young and progressive and attractive and attacking — exactly the sort of team Harry Redknapp may have put together back in the early days of his career at, errr, Bournemouth. If they come and actually have a crack at winning this game, it could make for an interesting spectacle after all.
Or maybe, just maybe, QPR might finally unleash the fury.
Links >>> http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queensparkrangers/news/33464/new-chapter-f Profile >>> http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queensparkrangers/news/33463/brian-bedford >>> http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queensparkrangers/news/33462>Referee
Steve Palmer celebrates opening the scoring against Bournemouth at Loftus Road back in January 2002. Rangers had already won the corresponding game at Dean Court 2-1 thanks to two Andy Thomson goals but they were pegged back in W12 by a second half strike from Warren Feeney and forced to settle for a point.
Team News: We await news from Little Tom Carroll’s mum, who never has been keen on him being out this late on a school night but may make an exception this Tuesday if he promises to finish his maths homework before he comes out. Before Tom, not after, and not on the bus in the morning when you’re tired. Junior Hoilett’s hamstring has been left by the fire to soften up a bit for a few days so might be stretchy enough for 27 minutes of action here — sweepstake opportunities available at the front of F Block if he starts. Nedum Onuoha, Alejandro Faurlin and Bobby Zamora all have long term issues — and physical injuries.
Bournemouth take a check on Lewis Grabban, who scored seven in his first 11 games this season but hasn’t notched in his last five since a move to the wing and missed the weekend draw with Brighton through illness. On loan Arsenal defender Nico Yennaris was an unused sub on Saturday and is pushing for a start.
Elsewhere: It’s a sure-fire sign that ratings are slipping when a day-time show commissions a ‘late night’ special, and so we welcome crucial round nine hundred and eight of the 2013/14 Championship with some trepidation.
Such shifts in schedule allow directors freedom to strip their most attractive cast members down to their undies and have them grind against each other with the odd gratuitous swear word thrown in for good measure, safe in the knowledge that the regular younger viewers are supposed to be tucked up in bed and not watching.
The Football League can sadly only work with what it’s got, and there’s certainly a feel of ‘shirts on, lights off, no talking’ about Birmingham v Doncaster and Champions Elect Bolton v Huddersfield Town. Whether the serial self-abusers will find much to go on at Yeovil v Blackpool or Reading v Charlton is also up for debate — but then non-internet pickings are always rather slim in that awkward post-watershed pre-Babestation time zone.
An extra round of nonsense, crammed tightly into a space you’d struggle to park a Nissan Micra in, has come at a bad time for Sheffield Wednesday (home to Leicester), Barnsley (at Brighton) and the Globetrotters (away to Leeds) who have sacked managers Dave Jones, David Flitcroft and Owen Coyle respectively in the build-up. Gianfranco Zola clings to life at Udinese but could probably do without a trip to Burnley, where Sean Dyche will no doubt relish the chance to prove a point to the Pozzo family who sacked him in favour of the Italian 18 months ago.
Ipswich v Blackburn, Millwall v Nottingham Trees and Derby v Middlesbrough bring up the rear. That one is also sexual.
Referee: Andy Woolmer from Northants is in charge on Tuesday — his fourth Championship appointment of the season and first QPR game since the 3-0 win at Sheffield United during the promotion season. Has yet to send a player off this season — famous last words. For his full QPR case history please http://www.fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queensparkrangers/news/33462>click here.
QPR: Rangers’ home and away form is starting to split into two contrasting pictures. At Loftus Road the R’s have won seven and drawn one of eight games while conceding just two goals. They’ve won their last four home matches on the spin since a 0-0 draw with Brighton in their last home midweek game. But on the road Redknapp’s team are without a win five attempts (two defeats, three draws), have now conceded eight goals and won just three of nine. Rangers are unbeaten in their last ten home games against Bournemouth dating back to 1959, but the sides haven’t met here since 2003 when Paul Furlong’s goal in a 1-0 win helped Rangers on their way to promotion from the Second Division.
Bournemouth: The Cherries have really struggled on the road so far, with just one win from eight away games to this point. They’ve scored ten times on their travels, which is the joint best record in the bottom half of the league, but have shipped 20 — although that’s slightly skewed by early season thrashings at Watford (6-1) and Huddersfield (5-1). Saturday’s televised draw at home to Brighton means it’s just one win from eight, and none from the last five, coming into this fixture. That set of fixtures has included an unenviable run of away fixtures that has already taken them to league leading Leicester, second placed Burnley, seventh placed Forest and eighth placed Leeds — two draws from those games is quite creditable — and will this week see them travel to QPR in third and Reading in fifth. Only Yeovil can match Bournemouth’s tally of seven goals from outside the area this season, which was boosted by Matt Ritchie’s free kick against Brighton on Saturday.
Prediction: Reigning Prediction League champion Mase tells us…
"After another disappointing result on the road, Harry Redknapp has been public in his criticisms of his animatronic charges. The loss at the Keepmoat was not the kind of result, he informed us, that will sustain a promotion push. It has been too easy this season, at times, for us to metaphorically phone in certain performances and nevertheless carry away the three points. But eventually that sort of attitude and sloppy approach will catch up with us.
"Poor results and defending have cost us in the last month or so, and lessons do not seem to be being heeded. Recent match highlights and even our goal celebrations on Saturday demonstrate the stiff self-consciousness underpinning much of what we've done in the last few games. Lately, we have at times gone from being dependable to unsure of ourselves, and what we are capable of. We have wasted recent chances in winnable games to retake the lead of the league and now we are facing a month with a shedload of games and a growing pressure to maintain pace with the two sides in the automatics, without cedeing any further ground to the chasing pack.
"If you had to pick a next opponent to face in these circumstances, it would be unlikely to be Bournemouth. They have played very well at times this season, and like Derby have a youthful and positive approach to their football. Their manager Eddie Howe is one of the future stars of the dugout (according to Harry Redknapp, anyway), and although he has failed elsewhere he and Bournemouth seem a match made for one another. They keep it tight at the back, and incisive on the break, and boast several players with something to prove. Tonight, they will have nothing to lose. If this is to be a jittery patch for us while we try and figure out how to fix our midfeild/front six, then so be it. I don't think we'll lose but equally I don't expect us to blow our visitors away. I am tempted to go for another 1-0 but I think Bournemouth have a little bit of savvy in their ranks which should help them escape W12 with the point so many others have sought but failed to secure.”
Mase’s Prediction: QPR 1-1 Bournemouth Scorer: Austin
LFW’s Prediction: QPR 1-0 Bournemouth Scorer: Austin
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