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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 18:29 3 Dec 2024
1994, Colchester.
It is a Wednesday night. I have arranged to pick up my friend Jeff Harris and we were headed for King's Nightclub in Copford.
On arrival at Jeff's pad on Lexden Road l find him dressed as a cricket umpire.
White coat. White hat. Black trousers. Brown shoes.
He really looked the part.
He even had six stones in the coat pocket to keep count of any balls delivered during play.
He also had two sets of stump bails with him.
He has been watching the test match on television during the day and was a fan of renowned cricket umpire Dickie Bird.
I can't imagine anyone going to a nightclub dressed as a cricket umpire anywhere in the world. Not even an actual umpire.
Jeff was a one off.
Once inside Jeff hit the dance floor.
He was signalling fours and sixes in rhythm with the music but other than myself l am not sure if anyone picked up on this. He also made the correct signals to non existent scorers to signify any no balls or wides that he may have called.
He approached the DJ and asked for the screens to be moved as a bowler was coming around the wicket.
The DJ didn't understand the request.
After a few more brandy's, and although still in his umpire's attire he morphed into a strike bowler and was appealing for caught behind the wicket decisions and a few LBW's.
A few hours later we were in Crouch Street getting a burger.
I looked round and Jeff had disappeared.
Didn't see him again until the weekend.
He had woken up on the Thursday morning still in his umpire gear in a large builders skip in Butt Road. [Post edited 3 Dec 18:32]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 16:25 3 Dec 2024
There was a very decent selection of fine foods on offer in Pebmarsh.
I spotted a large juicy sausage an arm's length away and managed to prong the beast on my fork and draw it towards me.
I wasn't the only person to have my eye on the prize sausage but just as l attempted to take a bite out of it the thing dropped from my fork, rolled down the table and onto the ground.
The fact that the sausage had landed on the ground was no deterrent to sampling it.
I got down on my hands and knees and had a good look around.
Nothing.
My Wivenhoe guest looked too.
It was nowhere to be seen.
It became a topic of conversation and something of a mystery.
It was still a great evening.
On the drive home my guest said 'That was really strange about the sausage, is Barn House haunted?'
We went back to my house in Colchester and l put on my new coffee machine and some music.
Then my new found girlfriend asked me for a slow dance in the kitchen.
Slow dance was all l could ever manage and l wasn't much good at that.
She had her head on my shoulder and we were moving in slow circles.
Then the big moment arrived.
She saw it.
The sausage.
It was in the turn up of my trousers! [Post edited 3 Dec 16:28]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 09:17 3 Dec 2024
Barn House, Pebmarsh 1993
'The strange case of the disappearing sausage'
My good friend Peter had invited me to a Bar b on a hot summer night in the Essex outback.
I was wifeless and he said 'Bring someone'.
I only had about 48 hours notice to find someone to invite.
The 48 hours soon became 24 as l was busy in Kentish Town.
One of the people l socialised with at the time is likely known to some of those who are following this thread.
Enter the one and only Jeff Harris ( R.I.P. ).
Jeff and l had enjoyed some success when teaming up and bamboozling females with utterly bizarre conversations.
On the Friday evening before the Bar b we entered Roberts Wine Bar in Crouch Street, Colchester and there was a very impressive array of local females present.
In particular there were a group of three young ladies who had jetted in all the way from down town Wivenhoe and we somehow managed to hold their attention for in excess of half an hour.
There was one female in particular who looked like she would be an ideal partner to invite to Pebmarsh the following evening.
Jeff was on top form and had the other two eating out of his hand and intrigued by his left field conversation.
Fast Forward to Pebmarsh around 24 hours later.
I have arrived with the third of the group from the previous evening and she has an eye for fashion.
Peter called me aside and said 'You've done well there, where did she spring up from?'
I said 'She sprung up in Roberts Bar last night'.
TBC ( 😊😊 ). [Post edited 3 Dec 9:22]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 19:09 2 Dec 2024
My 'chat up' lines had mixed results in the nineties but l had worked out that you might as well just go for it.
I discussed with my Polish friend what l would devise as a plan and he xxxxxxx loved it!
I approached a pair of BB's and mentioned my friend and they looked across at him. They remained standing in the same position which was a start.
Then l came out with the killer lines and their eyes were lighting up.
I said..... 'English men one meat and two veg but Polish man made different below.
Polish man had two meat but just the one veg'.
That did the trick. Three hours later they were back in Colchester.
We kept up the Polish thing until the next morning.
My friend spoke virtually no English that night ....other than 'Jiggy Jiggy'.
( Dayton, Ohio....you did say anything 😊😊 ). |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 18:52 2 Dec 2024
I had a message from America.
A few people out there are reading this thread.
They said - 'Just write about anything'.....'we like it' ( 😳😳 ).
Hence the following which might be very slightly offensive to a select few, but l will run the risk.
This is also true.
I had a friend in the North Station Road area. This would have been around 1992.
He was born in Poland but came over here as a kid.
We used to knock around together after our wive's moved on to pastures new.
We would go out in suits. Almost looked half smart on occasion.
He said to me one night - 'Let's go up to a club in Ilford and pick up a couple of blonde bimboes.
I remember thinking this might not be an easy task so l devised a plan.
He would be a Polish business associate who spoke virtually no English and was over in the UK looking for a full on Brit experience.
Next thing we are up in Ilford at what was once known as The Ilford Palais.
We are standing by the bar and it is heaving with BB's.
White stiletto blondes with pensil skirts and heels to match.
Must have been the last time they all came out and this was in midweek.
TBC |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 18:23 2 Dec 2024
One Saturday night l got woken up.
It was around midnight. There was someone shouting out in the street.
I got out of bed and peeped through the curtains.
It was Tom. He was throwing little stones up at the bedroom window.
After a while Mrs xxxxx opened the bedroom window and was shouting down to him.
She screamed out 'xxxx xxx you xxxx'.
A few lights came on nearby.
That was the first time l ever heard any bad swear words.
My mother used to say 'bugger' if she burnt anything while cooking.
My Dad used to say 'Damn' or 'Blast' if he cut a dovetail joint wrong in the shed.
I loved these new words l was hearing and practised them on my Teddy Bear.
I knew it was bad so l didn't repeat them to my parents or friends.
Who says Bugger, Damn or Blast these days?
No xxxx.
Anyway, Tom climbs up on the bay window and some of the tiles are falling off, next thing he is climbing up a drainpipe and trying to get in the window.
An arm comes out of the window and Mrs xxxxx has knocked him off balance and he is hanging onto the drainpipe.
It comes away from the wall, he falls and is laying in a flower bed in the front garden.
I was loving this. It was even better that Boots and Saddles.
Had a bit more bite than Dixon of Dock Green.
The front door opened.
Mrs xxxxx came out in her nightdress and attended to Tom.
She picked him up off the ground and took him inside.
I am pretty sure l had no idea as a ten year old what Tom would have been up to on a Saturday night.
Most of us kids were quite innocent of adult life back then. [Post edited 2 Dec 18:31]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 17:57 2 Dec 2024
Mrs xxxxx was a single parent around 45.
We didn't call it that in the sixties.
Can't remember if we called it anything.
Just about every household in our road consisted of a Mr and Mrs. Those advanced in years were now child free.
It was customary and polite to refer to them as Mrs Smith, Mrs Brown and Mr Jones etc.
Nearly everyone appeared to be of English origin and there were a sprinkling of families representing other parts of Great Britain.
Mrs xxxxx was a hairdresser ( just remembered that while keying this in ). On a Saturday night she would put on her make up, dress differently from the rest of the week and even walk differently.
It was like a wiggle. Perhaps prompted by her short and tight skirt.
I think l was about ten at the time. Had a little bedroom at the front of the house and would look out of the window to watch what was going on.
Mrs xxxxx had a man she used to bring home on a Saturday night. I never saw him come home because l would have been asleep.
I saw him leaving the house though on a Sunday morning on occasion.
He looked like Tom Jones. About late twenties, black leather jacket.
My mother used to say 'Tom Jones has been across the Road'.
TBC [Post edited 2 Dec 18:54]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 11:54 2 Dec 2024
North Station Road, Colchester, early sixties.
Mad Ernie Brett.
They called him mad because at the sound of a motorbike approaching he would run for cover....down by the side of the Railway Mission, into the doorway of Durand's Fish & Chip shop, behind a dust bin at the top of Causton Road.
He would be crouched down and shaking.
My Dad used to say 'I think Ernie got shell shock in the war'.
Sometimes the local Teddy Boys would set off bangers in the street in November.
They would laugh as Ernie ran for cover.
Dogs used to roam around on their own back then. Sometimes in a pack.
We used to walk to the paper shop on a Saturday night, the Green 'Un would be delivered just after 6.30.
My Dad would also purchase 10 Woodbines and a couple of bags of crisps to take home.
We would return to Margaret Road and have toast on a coal fire and with only two TV Channels back then the preferred choice was BBC.
It was a black and white TV with a twelve inch screen that had a habit of going up and down on occasion.
The best way to rectify that was to throw something at it.
A slipper usually did the trick.
We think poor Ernie passed away in the 1970's.
Dogs don't roam around on their own anymore.
There is no Green 'Un.
The Teddy Boys - all gone.
I cannot recall anyone doing toast on a coal fire since those days.
Around 1967 we got a telephone.
It didn't ring much.
The odd call from an aunt in Smethwick or Romford.
No cold calls back then.
But you did get the occasional nutter.
Some of these calls were highly sexualised.
We didn't get any of those but the woman across the road was receiving them from time to time.
I heard about some of these.
They seem much funnier now that they did then somehow.
The caller would say -
'Is that Mrs xxxxx'
And she would say -
'Yes, Mrs xxxxx speaking'
And he would say -
'I've got a big xxxx and l want to put it in your xxxxx'.
Then he would hang up. Mrs xxxxx said this had gone on for months.
It would not have been reported to the police or anyone back then.
Just part of life at the time. |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 23:19 1 Dec 2024
Cowdray Avenue, Colchester, August 2022
Helen and Reg went to see friends in West Bergholt for a few hours.
When they returned Helen noticed that the lawn in the back garden had been cut and several of the shrubs and bushes had been trimmed.
The white garden refuge sack was almost full and had been left by the shed door.
Helen asked the neighbours if they had seen or heard anything.....they said they saw Reg cutting the grass in an orange jump suit and wearing a red baseball cap.
Reg has dementia so Helen assumed he had cut the grass before they went out but couldn't account for him having a jump suit or baseball cap.
Reg is 83. [Post edited 1 Dec 23:22]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 20:32 1 Dec 2024
I have introduced a character called 'Subway Sid'.
The pieces about him are as personally observed or relayed to me by third parties but his name is not Sid.
His Christian name does begin with an 'S' however, 'Sid' seemed more apt for his 'adventures'.
It's a folklore cameo from an area around North and Central Colchester.
On a dog walk from around six years ago l came into contact with another individual who was possibly the most wanted man in Britain at one time.
He served his time and relayed some of the background to his activities over the years.
I won't be writing about it on here - l doubt anyone would believe it anyway ...but it did all happen! |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 09:59 30 Nov 2024
The rain stopped and the players came out.
There was a police car approaching the ground and a pizza delivery rider following behind.
The police car circled in the car park area outside and headed back towards the fire station.
The Dominoes delivery arrived on our bench and we tucked in to two large pizzas.
The helicopter that had been around for half an hour or so veered off towards Turner Rise and the sound of the sirens disappeared into this distance.
My friend looked across at me and smiled.
There are quite a few incidents going off in Colchester at any one time and threats to kill were no big deal back then it seems. |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 09:10 30 Nov 2024
Summer Saturday around ten years ago....Colchester Castle Park cricket ground.
Colchester first team are playing Shenfield.
I am there with three dogs.
One is mine and l am looking after the other two for an associate who has just threatened to kill someone.
He said 'Can you look after the dogs for a while'.
I obliged. They were big dogs and scared most folk.
As it turned out they were lovely natured beasts and used to fall asleep on me.
I could hear police sirens in the distance.
There was a police helicopter hovering above the cricket match and the players were somewhat distracted by it.
My associate came running through the gate and joined me on a bench on the boundary edge.
I said 'Is that copter looking for you?'
He said 'Probably'.
There was a rain shower and the players came off for a while.
We sheltered under a willow tree.
My friend said 'Thanks for taking care of Alf and Dudley for me....l didn't want them to see what l just did'.
I didn't like to ask. I had seen what he was capable of when a cyclist collided with Dudley a week or so earlier.
TBC |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 23:00 29 Nov 2024
Colchester Public Library, December, 2023
There was a gallery area with a few tables and chairs on the first floor.
Some people were going there to keep warm.
It's currently closed for a year or so due to a refurbishment.
Subway Sid is sitting at a table with a few belongings.
We make eye contact.
My instinct tells me that Sid has a story.
We converse.
I ask Sid what is in the bag.
He puts the stuff out on the table in front of me.
An array of Military medals of the highest order - the like of which l had never seen. |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 21:31 29 Nov 2024
Claire worked part time in the One Stop in North Station Road, Colchester.
Sometimes she would notice Subway Sid creeping around the store late at night putting sandwiches under his coat.
She never said anything.
Felt sorry for him.
One night when she finished her shift she passed Sid who was sitting on a bench in Kings Head Meadow.
He was eating the crusts of the sandwiches.
He had given the fillers to a fox who sat beside him. |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 17:57 29 Nov 2024
I continued my walk up Barrack Street and took a right.
Could hear the police sirens around the corner.
I was thinking - what would Subway Sid do?
Subway Sid used to walk the streets of Colchester looking for unlocked doors.
He was on Riverside Estate last year.
He got into a property through the back door and entered the kitchen.
Helped himself to a biscuit and put the kettle on.
Then the woman who lived there saw him waiting for the kettle to boil.
She said 'What are you doing in my home?'
He said 'I'm making a coffee'.
She said 'You have no right to be here, l am calling the police'.
Sid said, 'Sorry, must be the wrong house'.
He left by the back door.
Sid was a serial offender. But he never forced entry.
Pleaded insanity.
Sometimes he would sit and watch television for an hour or so in a strangers house.
Use the toilet.
Take a bath or shower.
Go to bed and take a nap.
Because Subway Sid lived in an underpass he didn't have the requirement for a hoover and had been known to do house work in properties to get a sense of what it was like to live a relatively normal life.
Sid loved to look in fridges.
Make a sandwich
Eat a bit of chocolate cake.
He was fond of animals.
Cats would go to sleep on his lap
Purr.
TBC |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 17:16 29 Nov 2024
About an hour ago l was walking along Barrack Street in Colchester.
Saw a sign in a window.
I think the establishment is Afro Unisex.
It said 'Barber Wanted'
I have been considering a career change since around 11 o'clock this morning.
I walked into the premises
Said - 'I would like to apply for the position of barber'.
An African woman looked back at me.
She didn't say anything.
I said 'Give me a pair of scissors and I'll show you what l can do'.
She phoned the police.
I walked out of the shop.
TBC |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 22:44 27 Nov 2024
Another step back into bookland.
I have been writing tonight's offerings while being entertained by some scintillating snooker.
Jack Lisowski!
And well played Ali Carter too!
Wu coming back to take four frames against Mark Allen!
Anyway, l think the venue for the following was Bishops Stortford in '04 which is nicely within range of Colchester, and is a very pleasant place to wander around for a while.
I am greeted with sandwiches and coffee while awaiting my compatriots for the evening.
Enter Alan Titchmarsh.
His coat draped over his shoulders and if l am not mistaken, he is expecting one of the bookshop staff to remove it and hang it on a peg.
Maybe l got him wrong. His lifetime achievements are considerable but l don't think there was ever a prospect of he and l starting up a band together.
Waterstone's Piccadilly. 2004.
JK Rowling. Very impressive!
Much respect. |
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 22:04 27 Nov 2024
I have 'Angels' by Robbie Williams on CD albums.
The first time l heard this l just thought - what a fantastic piece of work!
I was told he was leaving Take That before the media were aware. A work colleagues girlfriend was in touch with him.
I loved it when he won over the Glastonbury audience with a super show!
Dedicated my first book to him.
In my opinion some of his single releases stand up against anything in the past fifty years.
An associate of mine went on tour with him and reported back to me over the phone aspects of the demands of performing.
I don't like the term 'superstar' but Robbie Williams is all of that and more.
Big respect for Robbie Williams!
NB. I dedicated my second book release in 2001 to yachts woman Ellen MacArthur and her written response is a cherished possession. [Post edited 27 Nov 22:52]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 20:35 27 Nov 2024
Kayleigh - Marillion
The original official video that was shot for this had a face and body double resembling an ex girlfriend.
Not only that, some of the shots behind railings and in open paving areas were virtually the same as had been experienced by us in Rotterdam during 1979.
Kayleigh includes a tapestry of visual imagery. It places the listener in Belsize Park. 'Dancing in stilettoes in the snow' - heavenly words that never fail to resonate.
I played 'Private Number' tonight by Judy Clay and William Bell....and followed it with 'Devotion' by Nomad.
STOP PRESS
'Chalk hearts melting on a playground wall' taken from 'Kayleigh' by Marillion.
That is some line!
ADDITIONAL INFO
The female in the video was Tamara Nowy and 'Fish' married her. The video was shot in West Berlin where the song was recorded.
As l thought may have been the case ( 'cause I do it ) 'Kayleigh' is a composite of several relationships and the imagery for 'Stilettoes in the snow' was a memory from an occurrence in Scotland.
[Post edited 27 Nov 21:21]
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Reply | Tigers at Layer Road
at 19:58 27 Nov 2024
1969. Driving a column gear Austin Cambridge on a provisional licence coming out of Gidea Park.
The car radio is on. The Four Tops version of 'Do what you gotta do'.....with Levi Stubbs on lead vocals and for several minutes l am lost in it.
Jimmy Webb wrote this classic.
I watched the people. Pushing their babies in prams. Walking home with shopping bags.
There's a large green area there with trees that created a backdrop for a music video shot in real time.
It's 55 years! But clear as crystal. Etched in memory.
Driving down the M1. 3am. 2005?
Nena Cherry - 'Woman'. Just perfect in the early hours.
NB. I revisited the imagery from Gidea Park in 1969 and replicated it to a point while filming on St. Michael's Estate in Colchester during early 2008.
I used a track by Absent Kid as a musical backdrop.
I drove around St Michael's and my cameraman shot the footage from the passenger seat. We did some fades on it and it came out ok ( l think ). |
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