| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 907544 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:58 - Feb 23 with 5350 views | colinallcars |
I suppose if Ben Gunn became a “long time lurker, first time poster”, we'd ask him what is his favourite cheese. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:22 - Feb 25 with 5065 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:48 - Feb 23 by colinallcars |
I was arrested once for trying to steal an elephant.
My brief got me off though, it was a trumpety, trump, trump trumped up charge. |
Tsk tsk. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:12 - Mar 4 with 4587 views | digswellhoop |
wife gets a call from husband ive cut off my finger at work she replied not the whole finger he replied no the one next to it | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:37 - Mar 9 with 4207 views | TakeNoPrisonRrrrs |
Police have been made aware that people in Yorkshire have been injecting MDMA into their mouths ……they’re calling it E By Gum | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:22 - Mar 26 with 3659 views | Esox_Lucius |
Farmer Joe and his hand Chester are working the fields when it starts raining. the farmer says: Chester, go to the house and fetch me my wellys, it's starting to rain!
Chester heads to the house, and when he enters through the kitchen he sees the farmers wife and daughter preparing the meal, so he says to them both, Joe just told me to have a break and to screw you both quite forcefully, if I wanted to!
The farmers wife was shocked: i very much doubt Joe would ever say such a thing!
so chester opens the window and yells: BOTH OF THEM?
Joe yells back: OF COURSE BOTH OF THEM YOU BLOODY IDIOT! [Post edited 26 Mar 22:29]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:05 - Mar 30 with 3385 views | Boston |
My wife asked me if she was the only one I'd ever been with?
I said yeah, most of the others were seven or eights. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:41 - Mar 30 with 3240 views | Esox_Lucius |
A pub quiz in Glasgow is the scene...
"OK folks, the final question, for £200, Take That's 1st album had four words in its title, the 1st two words were Take That, what are the next two?"
A few moments passed before a voice from the back barked "ya bastard?" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:46 - Mar 31 with 3125 views | Boston |
Bloke is so infatuated with his new wife Wendy; he decides to have her name tattooed on his penis.
The name is only visible when he's fully erect, otherwise it just reads Wy.
The couple honeymoon in the Caribbean and, while having a piss in a local pub, notices the gent standing next to him also has a Wy tat on his appendage.
He leans over slightly, mentions the similar ink and asks if his wife is also called Wendy?
No maahn comes the reply, it reads Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:47 - Mar 31 with 2975 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:41 - Mar 30 by Esox_Lucius |
A pub quiz in Glasgow is the scene...
"OK folks, the final question, for £200, Take That's 1st album had four words in its title, the 1st two words were Take That, what are the next two?"
A few moments passed before a voice from the back barked "ya bastard?" |
(One for the oldies) That reminds me of the old joke doing the rounds in the late 1970's, that Frank Ifield had just released a punk record.
It was called "I remember you, you c**t" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:55 - Apr 2 with 2753 views | CamberleyR |
A manager of a bank and his assistant were talking. The manager says: "I had Gilbert O'Sullivan in here the other day". The assistant manager says "Oh really?, what did he want?"
The manager replies: "A loan again, naturally" |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:14 - Apr 8 with 2207 views | johann28 |
Went to the fortune teller. She was wearing a black veil.
'why the veil?' I asked
'because, if you see me, you'll turn into a dog.'
'don't be ridiculous ', I replied, 'take the thing off, please'.
Then I saw her face, and now I'm retriever.
(Milton Jones) |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:10 - Apr 11 with 1936 views | Boston |
I went down to the local aquarium after hearing they'd got a talking seal.
"How ya doing? "I inquired
"Great, long time no sea", it shot back. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:36 - Apr 13 with 1693 views | Boston |
How do you know if someone's run a marathon?
Oh, they're going to tell you pretty quickly. [Post edited 13 Apr 19:37]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:09 - Apr 14 with 1465 views | Esox_Lucius |
I hate being an archaeologist, my life is in ruins. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:59 - Apr 15 with 1223 views | loftboy |
All-female Origin crew forced to return to earth in under 11 minutes after being unable to find a parking space big enough. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:04 - Apr 15 with 1089 views | NorthLondonR |
I honestly never realised that Madonna was such a fan of Eggs Benedict until she released 'Hollandaise' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:12 - Apr 15 with 1083 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:59 - Apr 15 by loftboy |
All-female Origin crew forced to return to earth in under 11 minutes after being unable to find a parking space big enough. |
Men are like parking spaces.
All the good ones are taken. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:19 - Apr 15 with 1069 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:04 - Apr 15 by NorthLondonR |
I honestly never realised that Madonna was such a fan of Eggs Benedict until she released 'Hollandaise' |
Also known to like a virgin olive oil dressing. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:19 - Apr 16 with 955 views | Trom |
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him into a microwave until his bill withers. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:06 - Apr 16 with 919 views | Boston |
What d'ya call a duck with drug problem?
A quackhead. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:03 - Apr 16 with 750 views | KensalT |
A guy walks into a pub and, as he is walking past the jukebox it speaks to him.
"Hey! Did you get dressed in the dark? Look at the state of you - I hope you're not planning on trying to pick anyone up tonight, you won't stand a chance unless they are into unwashed vagrants!"
Somewhat stunned, not only by the fact that the jukebox was speaking but also by what it said, the guy heads to the bar, finds a stool, and orders a pint.
As he picks his beer up for a first sip, a bowl of peanuts on the bar pipes up.
"You want to ignore that jukebox - he's like that with everyone. If you want the truth, I think you look quite dapper, and I just caught a whiff of your after-shave, which is one of my favourites!"
The guy is further stunned, and asks the barman what on earth is going on, or is he going mad?
"Ah yes, sir - that gets a lot of people, but you don't want to worry about it. The peanuts are complimentary, and the jukebox is out of order ..." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:12 - Apr 16 with 635 views | Esox_Lucius |
Don't believe the nonsense about condoms are the best for safe sex, it didn't stop my mate from getting shot by his lovers husband. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:20 - Apr 16 with 627 views | 222gers |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:10 - Apr 11 by Boston |
I went down to the local aquarium after hearing they'd got a talking seal.
"How ya doing? "I inquired
"Great, long time no sea", it shot back. |
Long time no see.
Or, as the sailor said when his watch fell overboard at the start of the voyage - long sea, no time. |  | | |
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