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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 91915 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:01 - May 18 with 2933 viewsCooperman

Paddy & Murphy are sat in the airport ready to go on holiday.

Paddy says to Murphy “fuk I wish I’d brought the telly, Murph”

“Why, are you bored, Pad?”

“No Murph, I left the passports on top of it”.

Poll: Your confectionery tub of choice

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:09 - May 18 with 2928 viewsHighjack

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?

So he could see her crack.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:36 - May 18 with 2907 viewstheloneranger

BREAKING NEWS ...

A man who took Ryanair to court after losing his luggage, has lost his case!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:57 - May 18 with 2892 viewsthornabyswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:36 - May 18 by theloneranger

BREAKING NEWS ...

A man who took Ryanair to court after losing his luggage, has lost his case!!


I went to a seafood disco and pulled a muscle.

Poll: Would you like Cooper to stay or go (regardless of compensation situation)

2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:16 - May 18 with 2885 viewsHighjack

I got into a fight with a massive guy the other day. He said “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said “You’ll be sorry.” He said “Why’s that then?” I said “you won’t be able to get into the corners very well”.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:33 - May 18 with 2846 viewsSwanjaxs

My father drowned in a vat of beer.
Mind you he got out to go to the toilet twice.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:12 - May 18 with 2823 viewsthornabyswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:33 - May 18 by Swanjaxs

My father drowned in a vat of beer.
Mind you he got out to go to the toilet twice.


Sad news about that sultana drowing got pulled under by a current

Poll: Would you like Cooper to stay or go (regardless of compensation situation)

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:33 - May 18 with 2801 viewsCooperman

I was on the phone to Babestation the other night and the young lass said “hey big boy, what can I do fo you”

I said “Fuking hide, quick. My Mrs is coming down the stairs and I’ve lost the remote”.

Poll: Your confectionery tub of choice

6
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:34 - May 19 with 2749 viewsSwanjaxs

A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts.

Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:38 - May 19 with 2745 viewsairedale

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:33 - May 18 by Cooperman

I was on the phone to Babestation the other night and the young lass said “hey big boy, what can I do fo you”

I said “Fuking hide, quick. My Mrs is coming down the stairs and I’ve lost the remote”.


Is the answer a fish?
0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:15 - May 19 with 2711 viewsHighjack

A young lad went to his father. “Dad, why is my sister called Rose?”

The dad said “Well your mum and I had a deal. If we had a baby girl she’d name her after something she loves. If she had a boy I would choose the name. Your mum loves roses, so she called your sister Rose.”

“Thanks Dad.”

“No problem Anal.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

3
Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:17 - May 19 with 2672 viewstheloneranger

My girlfriend keeps telling me that having a small cock is nothing to worry about.

I still wish she didn't have one!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 06:34 - May 20 with 2556 viewsHighjack

A man went into a library and said “Do you have any books about turtles?”

“Hard back?” The librarian asked.

“Yes with little heads and flippers.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

4
Shìt Joke thread..... on 01:44 - May 21 with 2421 viewsSwanjaxs

Polce toay have sa they are nvestgatng a string of ID thefts. 👮‍♂️

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

5
Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:35 - May 22 with 2141 viewsdickythorpe

There's a new drug on the market for depressed lesbians.
It's called Tri-cox-agin
2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:42 - May 22 with 2131 viewsRobbie

Let my mate 20 grand to get plastic surgery .

Cannot recognise him now to get my money back . ( Copyright Owen Money , not me ) .
[Post edited 22 May 2020 20:43]
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:44 - May 22 with 2125 viewsdickythorpe

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:50 - May 22 with 2119 viewsRobbie

Woke up in the middle of the night recently , there was a burglar in the house looking for valuables .
So I got up to give him a hand . ( Copyright Tim Vine , not me ) .
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:16 - May 23 with 2046 viewstheloneranger

CSI Cardiff has been scrapped as soon as production started.

It's hard to do a crime show, when every member of the city has no dental records and the same DNA!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:49 - May 23 with 2011 viewssainthelens

Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:16 - May 23 by theloneranger

CSI Cardiff has been scrapped as soon as production started.

It's hard to do a crime show, when every member of the city has no dental records and the same DNA!!


In an 11 page thread.....that's my fave.
Bravo sir.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:23 - May 23 with 2909 viewswobbly

Researchers have conclusively proved that job interview questions are pointless. Reviewing interviews conducted in 2015, not a single person got the question “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” right.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:51 - May 23 with 2839 viewsBigYank

I was at the butcher's last week and the butcher says to me "You see those cuts of meat on the top shelf?" I nodded and said "yeah, what about them?" He smiles and said, "I bet you 50 quid you can't reach them!" I frown and tell him "I'm not making that bet."

"Why?" the butcher says.

"Because the steaks are too high!"

Stateside Jack

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:03 - May 24 with 2731 viewsHighjack

Dominic Cummings.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:38 - May 24 with 2710 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:03 - May 24 by Highjack

Dominic Cummings.


Pikey Paul 🤣

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:03 - May 24 with 2688 viewsMuteswan

I had to get a loan to pay for an Exorcism.
They said if I couldn’t pay it back on time I’d be repossessed.
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