LFW season preview part one — the new and the nervous Thursday, 14th Aug 2014 21:09 by Clive Whittingham The first part of our annual look around QPR’s opponents for the coming season starts with the other newly promoted teams, and those who have reason to fear a tough campaign ahead. Aston VillaIn 140 characters or fewer… Headline summer additions of Roy Keane to the coaching staff and Philippe Senderos to an already leaky defence. Last Season: The inappropriate elderly relative of the Premier League lives on for another year. There they sit, with a long and glorious history mostly now consigned to the dim and distant past, in their grand old house that’s now far too big for their needs, frequently showing signs that death isn’t far away. As soon as the family write them off, they stumble drunkenly out of the corner at a wedding and twat one of younger upstarts in their smart mouths. Who were Manchester City and Sheikh Mansour when Peter Withe was looming into view if you please? The eventual champions were beaten 3-2 at Villa Park in late September, and Paul Lambert’s side had already won 3-1 at Arsenal by that stage. In fact, they started reasonably enough — three wins and three defeats (against Chelsea, Liverpool and Newcastle) in their first six league games. Having pointedly stepped away from Champions League chasing, and spending accordingly, when Mad Martin O’Neill was in situ they became laughably poor at appointing managers and when exhuming Gerard Houllier and then replacing him with Alex McRelegator McLeish from bitter rivals Birmingham didn’t work — alright Poirot, pipe down — Paul Lambert was poached from Norwich. His initial technique of combining shrewd foreign buys (Benteke, Vlaar) with youth team graduates (Clark, Agbonlahor) and lower league young guns (Delph, Westwood) seemed sound. But with owner Randy Lerner now desperately looking for a buyer without success, Lambert’s hands are increasingly tied. In the end, even close study of Aston Villa’s results last season don’t shed much light on how they didn’t get relegated. They won just one of their last nine, losing seven and conceding 23 goals in the process including four each against Stoke, Man Utd, Swansea, Man City and five at Spurs on the last day. After that Man City game they won three of 17 matches. They failed to score a goal in eight of those. They went on a run of one home win in eight attempts. They were knocked out of the FA Cup at home against Sheffield United. Still here though. In: Philippe Senderos, Valencia, free >>> Joe Cole, West Ham, free >>> Kieran Richardson, Fulham, free >>> Aly Cissokho, Valencia, undisclosed Out: Nathan Delfouneso, Blackpool, free >>> Yacouba Sylla, Erciyesspor, loan >>> Aleksandar Tonev, Celtic, loan >>> Antonio Luna, Verona, loan >>> Marc Albrighton, Leicester, free This Season: This looks like a train wreck before it’s even begun. Kieran Richardson isn’t a bad signing per se but Joe Cole has been on the slide for sometime — Harry Redknapp would surely have been all over him like a donkey on waffles if there was anything left to wring out from his largely wasted talent. Lambert has been forced to bring players like Darren Bent back into the fold after ostracising them but failing to find a permanent buyer. Ask Gary Waddock how well that works — Lomas, Bircham, Evatt etc. The fixture list charts the likely course of action nicely. From September 13 they play Liverpool A, Arsenal H, Chelsea A, Man City H, Everton A, QPR A and Spurs H. Expect a managerial change somewhere in amongst that mess (probably just before the Loftus Road trip knowing our luck) and with the thinking man’s psychopath Roy Keane — an odd choice as a new assistant manager to Lambert — waiting to assume control one can only imagine the horrors that will follow thereafter. Expectations should probably be low this season. If they can get to May with the ground still intact and without killing anybody they should probably see that as an achievement. If they were a character from The Simpsons… Disco Stew — fashionable and in their prime back in the 1970s and 1980s, but struggling to adapt to modern times. ‘Arry says: “Joe Cole’s a lovely boy, super player, great lad, loves his mum. Was going to work in a supermarket until I got hold of ‘im.” Bookies say: 4000/1 for the title, 3/1 fifth favourites for relegation LFW says: 18th and relegated
BurnleyIn 140 characters or fewer… Written off by everybody, not that they’d dare say it to Sean Dyche’s face. Last Season: Patronised from minute one, the Clarets rejoiced in ramming words down throats across a gruelling 46 match campaign. It was a surprise when Burnley were promoted to the Premier League last time at the end of the 2008/09 season. Prior to that they’d been known as a Championship team that had an excellent starting 11 and literally nothing beyond that, so they’d start seasons well and finish them strongly but descend into a pit of despair and self loathing for several months in between when everybody was injured and suspended and the pitches were a bit heavy. Manager Owen Coyle looked like he might make a decent fist of keeping them up as well, with notable home wins against Man Utd, Everton, Sunderland, Birmingham and Hull. He then made what turned out to be the worst decision of his career, jumping ship to near neighbours Bolton, and Burnley made what they’re very fortunate didn’t turn out to be an equally monumentally large cock up by replacing him with Brian Laws. They were relegated, and spent their parachute payments aiming for a return with Eddie Howe at the helm — problem is taking Eddie Howe out of Bournemouth is like feeding a Mogwai after midnight or putting a bag over a chicken’s head and that didn’t work either. So they’d all but been written off as a Premier League side and few paid much attention when they replaced Howe — who chose to drop a division just to get back to Bournemouth — with former Watford boss Sean Dyche. Now Dyche was harshly dismissed after doing a fine job at Vicarage Road, and while everybody was laughing at Paul “Merse” Merson’s pathetic attempts to pronounce foreign names and Chris Kamara’s never-anything-other-than-totally-fucking-hilarious “unbelievable Jeff” routine, Dyche was the one on Sky Sports who actually made salient points, that he’d clearly thought about a great deal, and made a lot of sense. The problem was, he looked and sounded like a nightclub doorman hired to do a bit of extra bailiff work on the side during daylight hours, so nobody paid any attention to him and Sky bummed him off to lower league gantries so as not to interrupt the wonderful “banter” back in the studio. Turns out he did know what he was talking about. There was a degree of luck to Burnley’s promotion — they started the season with just two senior strikers and both Danny Ings and Sam Vokes stayed perfectly fit and in form throughout the campaign. Ashley Barnes was added from Brighton in January as cover but by the time the pair did get injuries right at the end of the season the Clarets were already, deservedly, over the line and heading back to the big time. In: Lucas Jutkiewicz, Middlesbrough, £1.5m >>> Steven Reid, West Brom, free >>> Marvin Sordell, Bolton, undisclosed >>> Matthew Taylor, West Ham, free >>> Matthew Gilks, Blackpool, free >>> Michael Kightly, Stoke, conversion of loan Out: David Edgar, Birmingham, free >>> Junior Stanislas, Bournemouth, free >>> Chris Baird, West Brom, free >>> Keith Treacy, Barnsley, free This Season: You’ll struggle to find a preview of the Premier League season that doesn’t tip Burnley for relegation and sadly, to our shame, we’re going to be no exception. But then this time last season I don’t recall many tipping the Clarets to win promotion in the first place. The signings made this summer look to have tackled the issues with depth in the squad, rather than a lack of quality with the team. None of Jutkiewicz, Reid, Sordell, Taylor, Glks or Kightly will be giving many Premier League managers sleepless nights. Burnley are going to have to play to their key strengths and hope that’s enough. Turf Moor will not be an easy place to go, and I suspect Chelsea weren’t overly chuffed to see one of their longest trips of the season shifted to a Monday night on the opening game of the season. Owen Coyle recognised the value of home advantage in a unique venue like Turf Moor last time and knocked Manchester United and Everton over early. Ings is going to have stay fit and fire again but Burnley are much more about the team and collective than individuals — wonderfully well drilled, everybody knowing their job, total commitment from all players. In the past its those sort of set ups that have stood newly promoted teams in good stead rather than rushing out to play Fifa with Loic Remy. That’s not to say they’re short of talent because they’re not — expect interest in Kieran Trippier come January. And of course there’s Dyche, who sat in the Sky studio without a sniff of interest for far too long but last season was linked with West Ham when it looked like Big Sam might be for the push. He’s probably their most important weapon of all. The kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. If worst comes to the worst and they are to be relegated, expect the shrewd boardroom operation at Turf Moor to squirrel away the vast sums of television money, and not go crazy building an expensive squad that will need to be dismantled in a cost cutting exercise next summer. They could become this decade’s West Brom — yo yoing a few times building working capital and facilities - if they do this right and so far on the pitch, in the dug out and in the boardroom they’ve shown themselves well capable of doing exactly that. If they were a character from the Simpsons… Maggie Simpson — new, green, impossible to dislike, possibly with a very bright future, but with a lot of growing up to do. ‘Arry says: “Burnley, fantastic club, fantastic people, done ‘triffic last season. Spoke to Sean last week, lovely fella, felt a bit threatened, not sure what to make of ‘em really. Never ‘eard of ‘alf their players.” Bookies say: 4/7 or 8/13 odds on favourites for relegation LFW says: 19th and relegated — probably a lazy pick on our part though.
Hull CityIn 140 characters or fewer… Short in attack, and with fixtures about to stack up, beware second season syndrome - which makes Ebola look like a walk in the park. Last Season: Given that Hull City were promoted from the Championship in 2013 despite losing 15 times during the campaign, scoring five fewer goals at home than bottom of the table Bristol City, six fewer away than relegated Peterborough, and while selecting Alex Bruce as a defensive central midfield player, it’s understandable that most neutrals had them down as a sure-fire silver bullet relegation certainty before last season kicked off. By May Hull had survived comfortably in midtable, reached the FA Cup final and qualified for Europe. On the field the rebuild following their previous relegation and near bankruptcy has been done by Steve Bruce, a manager whose ability to overachieve with these middle-of-the-road, 20,000-at-home-type clubs has benefitted Birmingham and Wigan in the past. Bruce was burned badly by a disastrous spell in charge at Sunderland where, by the end, it seemed only a matter of whether he’d be sacked or have a heart attack first. Thankfully, with cholesterol oozing from every pore, Sunderland shifted him off to a break from the game in just the nick of time. Hull have been rewarded for looking beyond that at his overall record and giving him a route back in. Bruce has done magnificent work at the KC Stadium, and it’s disgraceful that his name wasn’t given stronger recognition in the end of season betting for the Manager of the Year award. He showed tremendous adeptness in the transfer market last season, particularly in securing the signatures of Tom Huddlestone and Shane Long who are both fantastic Premier League players worthy of — with all due respect intended and probably not given — better clubs than Hull, West Brom and Spurs reserves. Off the field, locally-based Egyptian businessman Assem Allam has led the recovery. In Hull, the locals talk of £50m worth of debt paid off and a further £40m invested in the team which probably would have finished a good deal higher than its final resting place of sixteenth last year but for the distractions of the cup run. What more could a football fan ask of their club’s owner? Outside the city, it’s the chairman’s quest to rename the club Hull Tigers which has caught the attention. Allam, bizarrely, claimed initially this was because it was “shorter”, which can of course be disproved mathematically, and equally improbably that a change of name would help the club grow its fan base and merchandise sales in Asia where presumably hundreds of thousands of people are waiting credit cards in hand itching to get involved with an English team if only one of them was called after a tiger or a snow leopard or something. This created the rather bizarre situation where Hull City were ascending to new, unprecedented levels on the field while fans were protesting against the owner that made it all possible off it during last season. Allam, classily, said a pressure group formed by supporters called City Till We Die could “die whenever they want”. In a rare show of solidarity with the supporters who turn up and pay money to watch the product every week, against the wishes of some rich foreign investor, the Football Association rejected Hull’s name change application. As we’ve discussed before, in this country such behaviour matters little as long as your football team is winning football matches. Steve Bruce even went so far as to say that Allam could change the colour of the home kit to pink if he so wished, given what he’d done for the club. English football clubs must start having more respect for the traditions, history and support base that make them so attractive to foreign investment in the first place than this. At the moment we’re all too ready to ride roughshod over 120 years of club history because we’ve had 18 months of decent results on the field. In: Jake Livermore, Spurs, £8m >>> Robert Snodgrass, Norwich, £6m >>> Tom Ince, Blackpool, undisclosed >>> Harry Maguire, Sheff Utd, £2.5m >>> Andrew Robertson, Dundee Utd, £2.85m Out: Cameron Stewart, Ipswich, free >>> Nick Proschwitz, Brentford, free >>> Shane Long, Southampton, pending £12m >>> Matt Fryatt, Forest, free >>> Robert Koren, Melbourne, free >>> Abdoulaye Faye, released This Season: Hull City need to tread carefully here. Second season syndrome is talked about far more than the statistics really justify, but we have seen before with clubs like Reading who shock people in their first season at Premier League level that they struggle to maintain the element of surprise into a second campaign. A first ever European campaign in the club’s history is one further qualifying round away from a grueling group stage that will guarantee them extra games on alternate Thursdays right through until Christmas. Bruce has again added intelligently to his squad, with pacy wide threat which was perhaps lacking last season added now with the arrivals of Snodgrass and Ince, however Jake Livermore looks well overpriced at £8m. The odd one is Shane Long departing just six months after arriving from West Brom. He’s a player I really like and although Hull will say that turning a 100% profit on a player inside six months makes this an offer too good to turn down, they should maybe consider what he’s worth to them in the context of their other striking options and extra matches to play this season. Hull need to be adding to their squad, not taking quality players out of it, and with Matty Fryatt now with Nottingham Forest Long’s departure would leave a less than fearsome looking forward line being picked from Sone Aluko, Nikica Jelavic and Yannick Sagbo. Don’t be surprised to see them join the Connor Wickham chase. The Hull fans we spoke to this week for our match previews seemed relaxed, almost complacent about their prospects this season, which is testament to the job Steve Bruce has done at the KC Stadium. But one of the reasons given for that optimism was that they believed their lowly sixteenth place last season would have been higher but for the distracting run to the FA Cup final. How that equates to them being much better this season, with Long gone and the first half of the campaign potentially besieged by trips to far flung bits of Europe that Russia have/are planning to invade I’m not quite sure. Another problem City might find is that Bruce has never really been noted for his loyalty, and that job at his boyhood club Newcastle is likely to come up during the coming campaign. If they were a character from the Simpsons… Santa’s Little Helper — saved from the scrapheap and doing quite nicely for themselves now thank you very much. ‘Arry says: “Saturday, Thursday, Saturday, Thursday, Monday night, Sunday morning, Thursday, is very, very ‘ard. But Brucey’s a top, top manager.” Bookies say: 7/2 or 5/2 distant seventh favourites for relegation. LFW says: 15th and surviving just. Some nervous moments along the way if they don’t adequately replace Long, and games start to stack up.
LeicesterIn 140 characters or fewer… Football’s Eastenders: undeniably successful while boring the tits off you. Last Season: One can only assume that when Nigel Pearson slowly closes the dressing room door behind him that it’s suddenly like the BetFred advert in there, with trumpet players and marching bands emerging suddenly, noisily from every nook, cranny and crevice. His record as a manager, often in difficult circumstances, stands up to scrutiny but his post match interviews are like a six CD collection of the speeches of John Major. There’s trying not to give anything away, and then there’s alarming friends and relatives into thinking you might have slipped into a coma live on air. If Pearson asks for an extra sugar in his tea the local Leicester Mercury stops the press and re-writes its front page. And yet his powers of motivation and tactical awareness must be right up there with some of the best because the Leicester City side which ran away with the Championship title last season was barely any different from the beaten play-off semi-final side of the year before, or the mediocre midtable outfit of the previous campaign. Leicester finished ninth in 2011/12 and during 2012/13 added seven permanent signings to their squad — Marco Futacs from Portsmouth , Zak Whitbread from Norwich , Conor Clifford from Chelsea, Chris Wood from West Brom, Ritchie De Laet and Matthew James from Manchester United and Jamie Vardy from Fleetwood. In 2012/13 they finished sixth and lost the play off semi final at Watford in incredible circumstances — missing a last minute penalty to win the tie and then allowing the Hornets to storm downfield and win the game with the last kick from Troy Deeney. Such footballing anguish and heartbreak can often create a hangover effect into the following season but Leicester changed almost nothing. Last summer they signed just three players — Dean Hammond from Southampton, Zoumana Bakayogo from Tranmere and an ever expanding Gary Taylor-Fletcher from Blackpool who looks more like a makeweight in a dads v lads match down the local park than a professional footballer. Again, only Hammond and Taylor-Fletcher can be considered regulars, and both play most of their football from the bench. Kevin Phillips was picked up in January for that little bit extra in the run in but, again, rarely started. This was, therefore, as near as damn it, the same Leicester City team that finished ninth, nine points short of the play offs, in 2011/12 and almost exactly the same team that lost in the play offs a year ago. So what is this sorcery? How can the same core group of players from two years ago, and basically the same starting 11 from 12 months previous, improve to such an extent? Well, drugs. Or the division has got considerably worse. Or, they've shunned all modern football thinking and decided to stick with a single manager and his philosophy, and work on coaching and improving the players they have rather than constantly looking to spend money on new ones. If you watch only ten minutes of football content this week then make it this BBC East Midlands report from behind the scenes at Leicester's training ground — a state of the art facility chock full of nutritionists, physios, IT geeks, match analysers, masseurs, dieticians, coaches, scouts and more. When City walked away from Vicarage Road last May they decided to pursue a path more common to cycling than football — one of "marginal gains". Having finished sixth, and gone close in the play offs, they focused on getting a little bit extra out of every existing squad member, to give them that extra push this term. "It soon adds up," says Pearson. Last season it added up to 102 points and a shiny pot. In: Leonardo Ulloa, Brighton, £8m >>> Matthew Upson, Brighton, free >>> Louis Rowley, Man Utd, free >>> Jack Barmby, Man Utd, free >>> Marc Albrighton, Villa, free >>> Ben Hamer, Charlton, free Out: Zak Whitbread, Derby, free >>> Neil Danns, Bolton, free >>> Paul Gallagher, Preston, loan This Season: Rarely can a newly promoted team have been tipped for relegation by so few ahead of a Premier League season. Leicester were far, far too good for the Championship last season, and they did it with a settled team that had been together for three years and added to carefully and sparingly. That’s been the theme this summer too, and in Marc Albrighton on a free transfer from Aston Villa I think they’ve made one of the best value signings anywhere in the league during the close season. Clearly Nigel Pearson believes they need greater strength up front. Jamie Vardy showed enough pace, touch and eye for goal last season to suggest that he could be this season’s version of Grant Holt or Rickie Lambert — rampaging up through the divisions with no respect for reputations or Alice bands to take the top division by storm. But David Nugent has been tried at this level before and failed so it’s no surprise to see Leicester looking to strengthen in attack. So far they’ve paid £8m for Leonardo Ulluo from Brighton and are preparing a bid in excess of that for Watford’s Troy Deeney. What with the prices quoted for Shane Long, Fabio Borini and Ross McCormack so far this transfer window, rarely can there have been a summer where so many fair to middling strikers were valued quite so highly, quite so often. Kick an empty Coke can between two concrete bollards in the Lidl car park and you’re worth £1.5m in the present climate. Crucially they’ve also held onto Kasper Schmeichel, who has been steadily morphing into his father both in looks and goalkeeping ability for some time now after patchy form earlier in his career and was justifiably attracting big interest from elsewhere by the end of last season. Overall there’s plenty here to like, and little to suggest they’ll struggle this season. If they were a contestant in Mario Kart… Bowser — one paced, not pretty to look at, but virtually impossible to knock off course and formidable at full pelt. ‘Arry says: “Big, big club. Big support up there, you know. New stadium. The owners are ‘triffic people. Nigel’s done a great job with them.” Bookies say: 13/5 fourth favourites for relegation LFW says: 11th. Steady and dull, much like the manager.
QPRIn 140 characters or fewer… Potentially basing an entire season’s hopes and fears on whether the chairman is good enough at Fifa to keep Loic Remy entertained. Last Season: Odd. Very, very odd. Because, let’s face it, QPR didn’t so much drop into the Championship as crash into it ablaze. Meticulous Mark, Mike Rigg, The Taffia and their minister without portfolio Kia Joorabchian had spent the summer of 2012 spending the millions of Tony Fernandes on ageing, big name players who came to QPR with questionable fitness records, colossal contracts, and as much desire to fight and scrap for QPR as I have to purchase a season ticket at Old Trafford. The dressing room spirit built when Neil Warnock’s side was promoted from the Championship was completely destroyed. The likes of Shaun Derry, Jamie Mackie, Clint Hill and others were ostracised, before being returned to the team when it turned out these physically shot millionaires weren’t interested. Having been relegated, with only four wins all season, Rangers struggled to find any other clubs as daft as them to not only take the mercenaries from them, but also pay them the extortionate wages they were drawing from Loftus Road. It left Harry Redknapp facing the task of shifting on 20 players nobody wanted, bringing in 20 others capable of winning the Championship, and doing it all in one summer transfer window. He did it, and QPR won promotion with a last minute goal at Wembley in the play-off final in their first visit to the national stadium since 1986. It was the best day of my life, and I’m not alone. But… Redknapp, who never once seemed interested, committed or bothered about the Championship and was never seen at other second tier games on scouting missions, worked with the division’s biggest budget by a mile. He was allowed to bring in Niko Kranjcar, Benoit Assou Ekotto and others on loan deals that would have been beyond the reach of every other team in the league. When players got injured he was allowed to go out and sign Yossi Benayoun, Oguchi Onyewu, Javier Chevanton, Mobido Maiga, Will Keane, Kevin Doyle, Aaron Hughes and others when rival teams would have been forced to turn to their youth — in Max Ehmer, Michael Harriman, Tom Hitchcock and Frankie Sutherland, Redknapp had youth to turn to but completely ignored it. Initially, when Steve McClaren was around as a coach, Rangers appeared well drilled, in a good shape, where everybody knew their jobs. Once he’d left the system and starting eleven appeared to be draw at random each week. Rangers were inconsistent, and at times absolutely woeful. They were almost always dreadful to watch. But then, with talismanic striker Charlie Austin fit again after a shoulder injury, and sports psychologist Steve Black on board, they rallied late in the day. From being every other team’s pick of play-off opponents, they produced three tremendous, determined displays in the end of season knock out to win through. Success. Mission accomplished. But a weird feeling. In: Rio Ferdinand, Man Utd, free >>> Jordon Mutch, Cardiff, £5m >>> Steven Caulker, Cardiff, £8m >>> Maurcio Isla, Juventus, loan Out: Gary O’Neil, Norwich, free >>> Tom Hitchcock, MK Dons, free >>> Aaron Hughes, Brighton, free >>> Esteban Granero, Real Sociedad, £3m >>> Yossi Benayoun, Maccabi Haifa, free >>> Andy Johnson, released >>> Luke Young, put down This Season: Tony Fernandes says lessons have been learnt, and there will be no Jose Bosingwa-type arrivals at Loftus Road this summer. No more ageing players, who’ve achieved everything they’re ever going to achieve, looking for a final pay day while struggling against a succession of long standing injuries. Young, hungry, good looking players only, with their hopes and dreams still to achieve and their whole careers ahead of them. First signing: Rio Ferdinand. But, overall, QPR have had an excellent summer. Jordon Mutch, who scored seven goals in an impressive season playing midfield for a relegated, crisis-ridden Cardiff City team last season s exactly the sort of player Rangers should be signing. Aged just 22 and priced at just £5m he’s potentially the bargain of the summer. He was preceded through the door by England international defender Steven Caulker — another tremendous prospect, cheap at £8m, who should have been attracting interest from far more illustrious clubs than QPR. Mauricio Isla from Juventus could turn out to be another player who finds the culture shock of fighting relegation at QPR at Loftus Road and training at the pitches they borrow from a college too much, but all the reports suggest he’s going to fight tooth and nail for whoever he plays for, for no other reason than to honour Chile. QPR struggled to score goals last season — almost entirely reliant on Charlie Austin. With no striking additions to the squad as yet that means they’re reliant on Austin stepping up and having a Grant Holt or Rickie Lambert-type breakout season — Austin has shown nothing to suggest he’s incapable of doing just that, although his touch and lay with back to goal needs to improve — or they need Loic Remy to stay, play and score. At the moment, the latter seems a likely prospect, with all suitors apart from Tottenham now apparently out of the running. With a solid defence, aided by Caulker’s addition, and Mutch partnering the revitalised and fit again Ale Faurlin along with Joey Barton at his most dangerous — when he has a point to prove — in midfield Rangers only need keep Austin and Remy together and fit for two thirds of the season and they’ll have enough to survive. It’s going to be tough, but there’s a lot more to like about this QPR set up than there was 24 months ago. If they were a cartoon character… Brain from Pinky and the Brain. Tiny, tiny mouse with constant, flawed, foolish plots to conquer the world. ‘Arry says: “Standing there down to ten men I was thinking about what golf clubs I’d be a member of next year. Now we’re in the Premier League I couldn’t be more pleased. I’ve done it for the owners who are nice people. And for me.” Bookies say: 2/1 second favourites for relegation LFW says: 16th — Charlie Austin getting injured or Loic Remy leaving without adequate replacement and Rangers are in big trouble, but there’s plenty about this squad to suggest it will survive.
SwanseaIn 140 characters or fewer… Willingness to scout foreign markets for talent while others rush to spend £10m on Troy Deeney continuing to pay dividends. Last Season: LFW has a long and inglorious history of dreadful predictions, but rarely do we call anybody quite as wrong as we call Swansea . In: Bafetimbi Gomis, Lyon, free >>> Marvin Emnes, Middlesbrough, undisclosed >>> Gylfi Sigurdsson, Spurs, part exchange >>> Jeffersn Montero, Morelia, undisclosed >>> Stephen Kingsley, Falkirk, undisclosed >>> Lukasz Fabianski, Arsenal, free Out: Michel Vorm, Spurs, £5m part exchange >>> Ben Davies, Spurs, £10m >>> Leroy Lita, Barnsley (lol), free >>> Alejandro Pozuelo, Vallecano, undisclosed >>> Michu, Napoli, season long loan This Season: So what of this season? Well, we're not going to tempt fate and back the Swans for relegation again, once bitten twice out of pocket, but a potentially tough season does seem to lie in wait for the Welsh side. Success will seemingly depend on two things. Firstly, whether Wilfried Bony stays with the club having been linked with moves elsewhere, and if he does remain at the Liberty Stadium will he back up his 25 goal haul from last season with something similar this? We've seen strikers like him have breakout years in the Premier League only to struggle second time around — Michu of course, and Christian Benteke at Aston Villa. If he leaves, or doesn't score prolifically, Swansea look short of goals. Secondly, they're again relying on their record of scouting fine talent from abroad. This year's candidates are Bafetimbi Gomis from Lyon — a 28 year old French international who was their first choice before turning to Bony a year ago and scored 22 goals in France 's top division last year while waiting for his contract to run down — and speedy Ecuador winger Jefferson Montero. If the latter settles, he looks like an improvement on the departing Pablo Hernandez, but the Swans look weaker in goal where Michel Vorm has shown chronic lack of ambition by following an excellent season of first team football with a move to Tottenham's bench and been replaced by Arsenal's accident-prone Pole Lukasz Fabianski. Ben Davies has gone to Spurs as well, but given that left back Neil Taylor remains and they got Gylfi Sigurdsson, who performed well for them previously, thrown into that deal it looks like sound business. No extra European games this time around, and they've easily got enough quality to survive, but with an inexperienced manager, uncertainty over their top scorer from last season, and some foreign signings untried in this country, there are too many 'ifs' around Swansea to back them for too much success at this point. If they were a character from The Simpsons… Ned Flanders - Absolutely perfect in every way and held up as a model for others to live their lives by. Secretly getting on everybody’s tits. ‘Arry says: “It’s good to have the Welsh involved, you know. When I arrived at Spurs they had Gareth Bale clearing the guttering out. I got ‘old of ‘im and he’s the best player in the world now. Top, top Welshman.” Bookies say: 5/1 or 9/2 eighth favourites for the drop LFW says: 15th. Higher if Bony stays and maintains his current level, or the new boys become this season’s success story, but there are too many uncertainties here. Wouldn’t rule out another midseason manager change here either.
West BromIn 140 characters or fewer… Can we have Dan Ashworth back please? Last Season: So, we know the score with West Brom. They’re the club you use to beat shambolic organisations like Queens Park Rangers over the head with. Hard as it is to imagine, the club from an industrial estate in West Bromwich were what every medium and small club in the country should have been aspiring to. While QPR were thrashing around wildly, chucking good money after bad and getting progressively worse for every signing made, on their last visit to the Premier League the Baggies were showing how it should be done under the shrewd guidance of technical director Dan Ashworth. For one of Rangers’ visits to the Hawthorns, Ashworth actually took the time to write a six-page programme column that read like a manual on how to run a football club. In it he talked about how their academy players were being nurtured through loan deals with clear pathways to the first team, the criteria they looked for with new signings and contract renewals, how they appointment managers, how they scouted for new managers even before their current one was out of a job so they knew what they were chasing when the inevitable happened. It was a glorious, sensible, simple blueprint for running a Sheikh-less club in the modern game. However, in an unprecedented, out of character moment of clarity and forward thinking, the Football Association took Ashworth on to work at a national level. West Brom replaced him with little known Richard Garlick and have since set about enthusiastically set about dismantling everything that was good about them previously. Even when West Brom were well run they weren’t adverse to a harsh sacking — Roberto Di Matteo — but they always knew who they wanted to come in. This time they didn’t seem sure at all. They seemed to be waiting to see if Malky Mackay was about to go sacked for a while, then when he wasn’t they wanted Spaniard Pepe Mel, except he wouldn’t come without his own coaching staff, something which the Baggies are adverse to as they like to maintain their present set up. After a while you had to wonder if they’d regretted sacked Clarke as soon as they’d done it. In the end Mel did take over, but the stand-off over coaches went unresolved and so almost as soon as he’d walked through the door there was an understanding that he’d be gone again at the end of the season. In fact if they hadn’t won 2-1 at Swansea in March — their first win in ten attempts — he’d not even have lasted until then. Throw in the ridiculous decision to sign Nicolas Anelka last summer, for which they got everything they deserved when he decided to celebrate a rare goal at West Ham by making an anti-Semitic gesture for which he was, belatedly, sacked and all in all it was a season to forget. In: Craig Gardner, Sunderland, free >>> Chris Baird, Burnley, free >>> Sebastien Pocognoli, Hannover, undisclosed >>> Ideye Brown, Dynamo Kiev, £10m >>> Jason Davidson, Heracles, undisclosed >>> Cristian Gamboa, Rosenborg, undisclosed >>> Andre Wisdom, Liverpool, loan >>> Joleon Lescott, Man City, free Out: Liam Ridgewell, Portland Timbers, free >>> Steven Reid, Burnley, free >>> George Thorne, Derby, £1.3m >>> Billy Jones, Sunderland, free >>> Zoltan Gera, released >>> Diego Lugano, released This Season: West Brom do strange things these days in my opinion. The keenness to offload Shane Long for a paltry £5m to a rival club in Hull City without adequate replacement continues to mystify. Likewise this summer’s decision to sell one of Ashworth’s most prized youth players George Thorne — best player on the pitch in last season’s Championship play-off final — back to Derby permanently for just over £1m. Joleon Lescott is an eye-catching addition from Man City, but having missed out on other targets the rumour mill has him looking for another move already without even kicking a ball competitively for his new club. Of most concern though, surely, is the decision to make Alan Irvine the new manager. A fine assistant to David Moyes at Everton, and more recently a successful academy coach at Goodison Park, he has nevertheless failed in both his previous managerial positions at Preston and Sheffield Wednesday. He has never managed in the Premier League and used his opening press conference to plead for patience and time. Although former Wimbledon manager Terry Burton has also come on board to add some football knowledge in that technical director role, West Brom have appeared to be a club on the slide for a good year now and unless Ideye Brown, a £10m summer signing from Dynamo Kiev, turns out to be this season’s Benteke, Michu or Bony then I cannot foresee anything other than dead last place as it stands. If they were a character from the Simpsons… Ralph Wiggum — happily oblivious to various daft things they’re doing. ‘Arry says: “Good club, good players, tough opponent you know. Passionate crowd there. Alan ooo?” Bookies say: 5/2 third favourites for the drop LFW says: 17th. Had them down as relegated, until Palace imploded.
West HamIn 140 characters or fewer… Sam Allardyce has been told to play attractive, attacking football. Message ends. Last Season: Having placed all their eggs, the thick end of £20m, several items of the family silver, Karen Brady’s knickers drawer, their Premier League status and a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch in injury-prone Andy Carroll’s basket West ham subsequently found the injury prone former Liverpool flop to be rather too injury prone. Who knew? The result was like a laptop blue screening. Nothing worked. The Carroll was broken, and therefore so were West Ham. Big Fat Sam alternated frantically between Carlton Cole and Mobido Maiga as his striking option while they tried to get a new horse shoe on their talismanic target man’s troublesome heal. Every set back was met with an assurance from the West Ham medical team that “this is not the same injury Andy suffered before, it’s a new one” as if that, somehow, was good news. Initially the lost regularly. Every time you thought Allardyce was all set for the tin tack they beat Spurs — 3-0 in the league, 2-1 in the League Cup - and that’s enough for a stay of execution in these parts. Then, when the entire back four went to join Carroll in the medical room, they started getting annihilated regularly. They lost 3-1 to a lousy Norwich team and followed that swiftly with a 4-1 set back at Liverpool. They lost 2-1 at Fulham, 5-0 at Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup, and 6-0 at Man City in the League Cup in one particularly memorable week. A 3-1 defeat at Upton Park to Newcastle seemed to have the manager on the brink but with defenders returning, Maiga taken out into the woods at night and abandoned, and Carroll making the odd appearance, results turned just in time. They drew with Chelsea and then won four on the spin to climb away from the drop zone. Safety was sealed with consecutive 2-1 wins against Hull at home and Sunderland away, although they were booed off after the former to Big Fat Sam’s obvious disgust and it’s that night which may come back to haunt them this time around. In: Aaron Cresswell, Ipswich, £3.75m >>> Diego Poyet, Charlton, undisclosed >>> Enner Valencia, Pachuca, £12m >>> Carl Jenkinson, Arsenal, loan >>> Mauro Zarate, Velez Sarsfield, free >>> Cheikhou Kouyate, Anderlecht, £7m Out: Matthew Taylor, Burnley, free >>> George Moncur, Colchester, loan >>> Joe Cole, Villa, free This Season: Davids Gold and Sullivan don’t sack managers, they feed out rope until they lynch themselves. They did it to Gianfranco Zola, eventually replacing him with Avram Grant who then, when things went predictably badly, had to put up with Brady publicly fluttering her eyelashes at Martin O’Neil in the hope that the hapless Israeli may take the hint and piss off. He didn’t and they were relegated. Allardyce's remit was to get them back into the Premier League and consolidate their place there — which he’s achieved to the letter. Hard to feel sorry for a big dislikeable slug like him — he never did get round to suing the BBC for saying he was using his son’s agency to cream money from Bolton Wanderers transfers by the way — but what more could he really have done? He’s spent big money on some lousy players — one can only assume that while the rest of the country watched on with two raised eyebrows at Kenny Dalglish and Damien Comolli’s expensive assembling of a dreadful Liverpool team, Sam was sitting there thinking “this guy’s making all the right moves.” Stewart Downing indeed. But West Ham wanted to be securely back in the Premier League, and they are. Other clubs who sacked managers last season when they were close to giving theirs the push went down anyway, while West Ham survived once their players were fit again. Pitching practicality and consolidation to West Ham supporters while at the same time charging extortionate ticket prices isn’t going to work. So the Upton Park board has told Big Fat Sam that they are expecting a new, attacking, entertaining brand of football this season, and that he must hire a new attacking coach. One can only imagine the big fat size of Sam’s contract pay off for him to stay on despite this — he must know that were he to resign saying he’d achieved all the targets he’d been set only to be undermined in the face of supporter pressure that he’d be an automatic favourite for just about every Premier League job that comes up this season. The beginning of this brave new era hasn’t exactly been peppered with success stories. Firstly, injury prone former Liverpool flop Andy Carroll is injured again, for four months this time, although the medical staff are at pains to point out that it’s a different injury to last time. Again. They’ve spent £12m on Enner Valencia after featuring in the World Cup for Ecuador but he too is struggling for fitness ahead of the season start. Mobido Maiga remains. Last season Ravel Morrison, despite scoring a spectacular goal in one of the Spurs wins and at one point being tipped as a potential World Cup pick, was bombed out on loan to QPR allegedly, according to Daniel Taylor in the Guardian, because he’d refused to sign for Big Fat Sam’s favoured Big Fat Dodgy Agent. This summer David Sullivan went public with the fact that Alardyce wants to sell the player, while the board see him as part of the club’s future and want to give him a new contract. Morrison, typically, has clouded the issue somewhat by being charged with giving an ex-girlfriend a dry slap at four in the morning and threatening to throw acid in here face (“bitches be getting up in my peripherals giving me static,” he told a judge at Manchester Crown Court, perhaps) for which he has already spent a week inside having been refused bail. Bright lad. Left back Aaron Cresswell is a splendid capture from Ipswich, and an absolute steal at less than £4m. Diego Poyet (son of) from Charlton another shrewd acquisition. But The Hammers were turned over by mediocre A-League opposition on a tour of New Zealand which manager and board have both since admitted was too far to travel, and at the weekend they were back to everybody behind the ball playing for a 0-0 draw with Schalke in Germany. “You can’t attack teams like Schalke, you’ll get destroyed” said the board’s unofficial spokesman Jack Sullivan (son of) on the Twitter, so at least they’re getting chance to work on their excuses. Looks like a bit of a disaster waiting to happen. If they were a character in Mario Kart Donkey Kong: Managed by an uncouth ape in an old vest. ‘Arry says: “Lot of time for West Ham, ‘triffic club, spent my whole life there you know. I get Bondy Bond to play Knees Up Mother Brown on the piano sometimes and we talk about the old days.” Bookies say: 11/2 tenth favourites for relegation LFW says: 13th tumultuous season, potentially with a managerial change, but ultimately plenty of worse teams between them and the bottom.
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